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Pregnancy insecurity

(7 Posts)
Bloatingnotblooming Tue 05-Jul-11 14:03:02

Is it just me who feels like this?

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and just feel so insecure in myself. I feel fat (have put too much weight on) and so completely unattractive even though DP tells me I'm georgeous to him. I see other pregnant women who look fantastic and seem to be glowing and happy but I just feel like hiding away. I feel stuck, dont get out much as have a toddler and also dont find it much fun going out with the girls when I cant have a drink and feel tired etc. I keep thinking DP must be fancying other women as I look so rubbish and dont feel like sex as much as normal. He works with lots of women and socialises more than I do through his work. I feel distant from DP, emotional most of the time and really quite alone (dont have any family around and dont see friends that much).

I lost my last baby in the second trimester last year and feel that I'm still grieving for her but everyone else has moved on so I just think of her on my own. And I know that because of that I should be so grateful that everything is going well this time and I am grateful so it just makes me feel even more guilty that I'm in this low mood.
How can I snap out of this?

NorthLondonDoulas Tue 05-Jul-11 14:16:42

Oh hun ((((((big hug))))))

You are not alone.... while some women bloom and radiate glowing happiness in pregnancy there are many many women who feel the same as you. Yes pregnancy is an amazing thing but our bodies do change dramatically and it can make us insecure and worry that our hubbies will look else where etc. It sounds like you have nothing to worry about as your hubby has made it very clear to you that he still finds you utterly beautiful!

Having lost your last baby im not surprised that you are worried and anxious and you shouldn't have to 'move on'! Just because it seems like others have, there is no reason why you should, that was your baby and you will never forget it and nor should you. Always remember her.x.x.x

I too cant remember the last time i got out socially due to having many bubbas and most of my close friends have moved away... maybe you could use mumsnet to find other mums in your area and meet up for a coffee or go to mum and toddler groups together, then you can make new friends and get support that way so you dont feel so isolated. Where do you live?x

mpops Tue 05-Jul-11 14:54:50

It's not just you at all. I'm feeling the same way and I haven't been through what you have with the loss of your baby and with having a toddler to look after at the same time as being pregnant. I'm just feeling really low a lot of the time. And it's harder than usual because you are sort of expected to be happy when you are pregnant, aren't you? So it's difficult to open up and talk to anyone - even your partner sometimes. Does your DP know what you're going through?

Have you talked to your midwife about it? You might benefit from seeing a counsellor. I understand that pregnant women are a priority for counselling if they feel they are not coping well. I'm seriously thinking of doing it when I see my MW next week, as I can't see another way forward.

I do hope you find a way out of this because it is very hard but feel free to talk about it here. You're definitely not alone.

tunnocksteacake Tue 05-Jul-11 15:35:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloatingnotblooming Tue 05-Jul-11 17:08:26

Thanks everyone and sorry to hear I'm not the only one feeling like this. It is hard and you do feel guilty that you arent glowing with happiness like so many other pregnant people are. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one.

I think I will talk to my MW when I next see her. I really like her - when my baby girl was born last year (at 20 weeks) she came to visit me and was very kind. I know she will be good to talk to. As for counselling, I was given a number for a counsellor when we left the hospital last year and every now and again I think of contacting her but I'm not sure whether I want to go down that road.

It will pass I know and thanks for that reminder xx

NatzCNL Tue 05-Jul-11 18:07:22

Just wanted to send all of you who are feeling this way a big hug xxx

I have had this with my current pregnancy, feeling very insecure and anxious due to a second trimester loss (at 15 weeks due to a heart condition) in September last year, am now nearly 29 weeks and only now feeling like a dark cloud is clearing. I think lot of this is due to regular scans on baby and the fact that I feel more energetic now. I have piled on the weight with this pregnancy though and am suffering with a tummy rash and awful stretch marks, so feeling hideous undressed.

I would echo what NorthLondonDoula says about actively getting in touch with mother and toddler groups, I did this when I was expecting DD2 - there is only 16 months between my eldest DD's and found it very hard work being stuck indoors with a young child and pregnant. Im not the most confident person in the world and found it hard to talk to people I didn't know. Almost all my friends do not have children and I found that I slowly stopped getting invited out and now only ever see my 'friends' on special occassions. Now that I am pregnant with DD3, I rarely see anyone who doesn't have children, which I find quite upsetting if Im honest. But I have made new mummy friends - which has been so good for both me and my daughters. It's hard getting out there for the first few times, but it gets easier and enjoyable.

As for DP finding you attractive, listen to him. My DP loves it when I am pregnant - even when I feel like an elephant. He told me the other day when I was complaining about my stretch marks, leaking boobs, swollen ankles and doubled in size bum, that he couldn't picture anything more beautiful than the body of the woman who is carrying his child. I welled up and sat there crying - not quite the reaction he was hoping for but hey, Im hormonal!!! grin

It's always to come on here for moral support and a friendly chat if you find that getting out is not as easy in real life. But would strongly suggest having a few movie nights in with DP once LO is in bed and just spending quality time together. Me and DP try to do this as often as possible.

As for counselling, you could go for a session or two and see if it is any help, if not, you dont have to go back again. I was also offered counselling after our loss last year, but decided not to. MW told me at the begining of this pregnancy that it was still available to me as pregnancy after a loss can be emotionally distressing for the mother. So far I have decided not to, but this is due to the fact that I know why we lost our Cara and I have been able to come to terms with that in my own way.

I often wonder if anyone else thinks about our baby girl, but then I know that I will never forget her and will always love her, so I dont need anyone else to grieve for her. Mumsnet is a wonderful source for emotional outpouring and I have used it quite a lot, especially at the time of our loss and the early stages of this pregnancy.

Hope the dark cloud lifts soon xx And sorry for the long rambling post! xx

RingEir Tue 05-Jul-11 18:16:02

This sounds like depression to me - not surprising seeing as what you have been through. Maybe you should go to see your GP?

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