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Pregnancy

would you ask for money?

77 replies

lightsandshapes · 04/07/2011 21:42

am 24 weeks with dc 1. very exciting. Been generously given more than enough clothes by a friend of DP. So kind of her. have been washing and drying, folding and stacking for days! Have filled the wardrobe and there's still a mountain on the floor of cute things. My question is... when i do the birth announcement (by email) do you think I can get away with saying something like - 'have more than enough baby clothes, so don't need any more, but cash for the baby's trust fund account would be most appreciated if you want to contribute something'. Could I get away with this - is there a better way to say it - or is asking for cash an issue?? Just don't know where I could put clothing and really don't need any more!!

OP posts:

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PaperView · 04/07/2011 21:46

I think it would be rude and presumptuous to ask for anything anyway.

And don't underestimate the amount of clothes you will go thru

Eglu · 04/07/2011 21:49

No that would be rude. If people buy you clothes you can always take them and exchange for a larger size.

DialMforMummy · 04/07/2011 21:54

No, sorry. How about toys, books, accessories (monitor, highchair, feeding accessories, lamp for baby room,....) You could make up a list at a place like John Lewis with gifts on a range of prices.

lightsandshapes · 04/07/2011 21:55

ok, i see what you mean... but isnt it rude if i just accept more clothes, knowing i'll never use them???

OP posts:

Crosshair · 04/07/2011 21:57

Maybe ask for vouchers?

trixymalixy · 04/07/2011 21:57

No, just accept all gifts graciously and take them back to swap for a bigger size if possible.

lightsandshapes · 04/07/2011 21:57

that's an idea dial m. The issue is we live in a very small house, and really can't cope with much more stuff! I'm trying o do this minimistically (is that a word??) if that is possible!

OP posts:

emsyj · 04/07/2011 22:00

I don't' think you can ask for anything really - you just have to smile and be gracious about the gifts you get. If people ask you what you want, feel free to tell them - but if I got a birth announcement asking for donations to the trust fund I would find it a tad grasping and inappropriate.

Don't forget, people like to go shopping for baby things. Don't deny them the pleasure! I took some clothes back and got the same thing in a bigger size and it's been great to be able to just reach into a drawer to get the next size up wardrobe.

emsyj · 04/07/2011 22:01

Hahaha - nope, sorry, it is impossible to do babies 'minimalistically' - I can tell you this for a fact.

(sigh)

DialMforMummy · 04/07/2011 22:15

My experience is that people don't ask what you need, they just get you stuff. If that's the case I'd do what eglu suggested. I was swamped by small baby clothes and now I am buying stuff (DS is 9 months).

nannyl · 04/07/2011 22:19

OMG

it would never even cross my mind to send a note like that and i wouldnt appreciate getting one from anyone else either. Big fat no way is my opinion!

oinkyoink · 04/07/2011 22:24

I'd be really angry if I received an email like that!!!! Just bring the stuff back for a refund or bigger size.

dyzzidi · 04/07/2011 22:27

when you take baby clothes back to most sops they give you the credit on a gift card so you can use that to buy things when you need them. \its rude to ask for cash IMO

Tangle · 04/07/2011 22:32

A lot of people will engage their brains and realise that you will have had to organise newborn / 0-3 month clothes already - and so they'll get you things in larger sizes.

How well do you know the people you're anticipating may want to send you something? You've still got plenty of time to drop masses of hints about how generous your DP's friend has been and how many clothes you've got already. Do you have any attic space? Larger things could be put away for a few months till needed. Or do any of your friends/relatives have storage space you could borrow?

How much you need depends on a number of factors - how clean you want your baby to look through the day (will you change every time they have a little spit up or only if there's a nappy explosion/big sick?), how sicky your baby is (DD rarely did more than dribble or bring back up a tblspn or less - I was very lucky!), and how often you want to do the washing!

At the end of the day, though, many people take huge pleasure in choosing little baby outfits (or not quite so little baby outfits) as it gives them a chance to indulge the fantasy of when they'll buy for their own LO in the future or remember their own children when they fitted into baby things. If you're not going to use it then take it back and get a gift card/bigger size - but asking people to give you money instead would, IMO, be quite offensive.

TheSecondComing · 04/07/2011 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cleverything · 04/07/2011 22:36

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglesrock · 04/07/2011 22:38

Most people include gift receipts in baby presents, you can return/swap for different size. I had dd3 4 months ago and I was surprised by the amount of people who gave me a gift card for Next, M&S, Mothercare etc. I wouldn't assume to be getting presents, to be honest its my mums friends who buy me. I also got lots of clothes in bigger baby sizes, it was smaller sizes I swapped to! If I got an e-mail re contributing to childs bank account etc I'd be raging and my judgey pants would be pulled up right over my head.

eurochick · 04/07/2011 22:45

I always buy 3-6 or older clothes as gifts and I reckon a lot of other people will do the same.

buttonmoon78 · 04/07/2011 23:10

Loving the mental image wigglesrock!

I agree with the overriding sentiment here. Not done I'm afraid. A lot of parents will buy you 3-6m+ and those people who don't won't remember if you parade your dc about in 9-12m when they bought you tiny baby!

I agree that if people ask, then you can be honest - some people have asked us this time and we have asked for money to go towards cloth nappies. In fact, we have so much that we will also be getting a new larger fridge (benefits whole family so I have no issue with that!).

But to state up front what you would like is just wrong. On many levels. Sorry.

SoBroken · 05/07/2011 09:19

Oh dear, I read the OP and didn't think it was rude or grasping at all, just practical, but it seems as though everyone else would disagree!

My mum is throwing me a baby shower in a few weeks and I have asked for money to put towards a new pram as we definitely have enough clothes and things from DS1 and my nephew.

But then my family always give cash for birthdays etc instead of presents so it is probably no big deal to them.

I think it would be ruder for people to spend their hard-earned money on stuff that will never get used.

nunnie · 05/07/2011 09:34

Not something I would personally do, and I have found with my previous 2 that it has been quite useful having clothes at the beginning, purely due to the fact that my DD was small and didn't fit in any newborn clothes (something I hadn't even thought about) and DS was 4 weeks early so also didn't fit in newborn clothes. Everyone who bought clothes bought tiny baby.
However you know your friends and family better than I do and if you don't think they would be offended by it then go for it.

lachesis · 05/07/2011 09:37

It is very very very crass to ask for money.

No, you can't get away with it.

I usually give cash as presents because I am lazy as hell.

But if I got a note like this you'd be getting a card and that's it.

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valbona · 05/07/2011 09:39

please don't do it! I was so amazed how generous people were when DD turned up - especially my parents' friends - I didn't know baby presents was such a "thing" and it was so lovely opening little teddies, toys, books etc. Officially asking for money is sooooooooo wrong.

Swap any clothes if necessary like everyone says. And mention a lot casually in the next few weeks "oh, wow, X is the best, she gave me all these amazing clothes, DC will be set for life, hahaha"

lachesis · 05/07/2011 09:41

If I feel bad about giving cash I buy a voucher online.

KatieWatie · 05/07/2011 09:42

OMG you have to do a 'birth announcement'? I can't imagine anyone being interested in my baby having been born, except possibly my parents and my own husband. They'd think I was showing off (or maybe I'd just think they'd think I was showing off, I have a thing about vanity) :(

I'm not expecting anyone to get me anything and I won't be asking for anything either. Maybe I underestimate people though, we shall see!

Good luck getting cash off people but I wouldn't do it personally.

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