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never knew people were so judgy about elecs - the looks I got!

(115 Posts)
PrincessScrumpy Sun 03-Jul-11 19:26:24

We went on a tour of our hospital today with about 8 other couples. I mentioned privately to the midwife doing the tour that I was due to have a CS.

When in the delivery room she did the usual stuff then said "now you've chosen to have a CS - is there anybody else?" The answer was no but dh and I found the looks we got from the others really surprising. The mw was obviously aware as when she took us to theatre to show us where it was she made a point of asking where the twin mum was (me) and suddenly people were much nicer and started talking to me.

I thought it was just me being sensitive but it was dh who actually commented as we left the hospital.

I felt like shouting "I've had a natural birth with dd1 and had only 15 mins of gas and air - I have chosen a cs but only as it is based on medical advice from a consultant!"

Sorry for long one - it just really shocked me as they didn't know any details so why give scolding looks? Has anyone else faced this?

TBH I found it all very amusing as I am more than happy with the plan and my babies are far more important than a load of judgy mums who I've never met before.

IfOnlyICouldFly Sun 03-Jul-11 19:31:56

People are idiots. You obviously have your head screwed on about it all. They probably all met at have been brainwashed by NCT groups. Mine said they'd like us all to get together after the babies were born 'EVEN if we were formula feeding'. How naice of them.

meditrina Sun 03-Jul-11 19:38:17

I would have looked stunned, and asked her why a health professional did not appear to understand the meaning of the word "elective". I would ask her - publicly in front of the group - precisely why she thought the consultant had got it wrong in my case, and finally for the name of the Head of Midwifery.

NatzCNL Sun 03-Jul-11 19:38:35

Hi Princess,

I used to work on a maternity unit (few years ago now) and found this kind of reaction too! I have never understood it. CS is NOT an easy option out and deciding how to give birth - especially where complications are increased, such as multiple births - is a personal choice, and in some cases not a choice at all.

I was very lucky to have 2 natural deliveries, and hope to deliver number 3 the same way. However both my SIL and sister had CS deliveries, one of them planned due to medical direction, and was so surprised at peoples reactions to her choice! It has no affect on them what so ever, and she was advised by her consultant to have a CS.

Dont worry, let them have their opinions. Half of them will end up with EMCS and probably go on to have ELCS in the future wink

PrincessScrumpy Sun 03-Jul-11 19:41:43

They looked even more grumpy when the mw said I would get a private room next to the mw station. The wards only have 4 beds in each one anyway so I'm not really bothered but with twins and cs I think the privacy would be nice.

I've avoided NCT this time. I breast fed for 8 months with dd1 and feel very lucky to have done so, never judged anyone else - with a newborn I think it's about survival and what works for you. I'm far too sarcastic for those kind of conversations! grin

Armi Sun 03-Jul-11 22:10:45

I've had some really arsey reactions too, even though I would much rather give birth the usual way. One friend in particular has been really very sniffy and made comments about how 'spoilt' I am. My baby is footling breech - I am not going to risk damaging his health and mine just to make her happy and I also happen to think that having my abdomen hacked open isn't a particularly 'easy' option anyway.

BagofHolly Sun 03-Jul-11 22:27:53

Whilst making judgements about ELCS is downright offensive and frankly, no one else's business, this thread really isn't that helpful, IMO! No one has to justify their birth choices and making the point that that this ISN'T something you've chosen, doesn't help those who DO make that choice. And Armi, no one will be hacking anything.

Armi Sun 03-Jul-11 22:55:36

biscuit

BagofHolly Sun 03-Jul-11 22:59:15

Nice. Cheers.

PrincessScrumpy Sun 03-Jul-11 23:31:04

Sorry bagofholly would you prefer I lie?! I have no problem with people's choices and technically I have made a choice - one that the consultant agrees with but it is still my choice. The midwife would prefer me to have VB for twin 1 and cs for twin 2 (I am choosing not to go down this route). Everyone who "chooses" a CS has valid reasons so I really don't get your argument. I was simply saying how I felt so I'm not sure how that has offended you quite so much - especially as we seem to agree.

BagofHolly Sun 03-Jul-11 23:57:53

PrincessScrumpy perhaps I didn't word my post properly - the behaviour of those on your hospital tour is offensive - not your choice! But I personally think that for the most part, getting into a discussion which attempts to justify the reasons for cs is unhelpful, because no one should have to justify it, choice or otherwise. Does that explain better?

KatyCustard Sun 03-Jul-11 23:58:41

Well. I have found this thread helpful. Just my HO.

BagofHolly Mon 04-Jul-11 00:02:38

And your midwife sounds like a loon! a vb for one and cs for the other! Did she say why?! I thought that was one of the reasons cs is higher in twins - because many vbs would probably end in cs anyway.

KaraJS Mon 04-Jul-11 00:11:58

Oh thats a wonderful idea ! Not only pain from a csection but front bum pain from giving birth too! I'd tell her where to get off, people are amazingly stupid, I just had my 3rd baby 15 weeks ago by emergency csection, other two were born naturally and a section is def not an easy way out by any means, pay no attention

BagofHolly Mon 04-Jul-11 00:19:27

"front bum"! PMSL! not heard that in years! grin

Honeydragon Mon 04-Jul-11 00:23:13

I think the comment about the NCT influence is interesting. When they thought I'd gone into early labour they took me on a little tour, mainly so I could see the SCBU.

As luck would have it a tour was on anyway to the MW and I tagged along. I asked whether ladies who'd a a section were put on a ward together, one woman went oh don't be so defeatist, think positive. hmm confused

The whole group and their partners had all basically decided they would have a wonderful birth in the bean bag / birth pool room and really didn't want to know anything else. The MW's afterward confirmed they always new within 5 minutes which particular NCT class they'd come from as each group were often the same grin

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Mon 04-Jul-11 00:27:42

Oh don't get me started on this one! I had an "elective" CS with dd as she was breech, and "chose" it because of medical advice. But I always get "oh what a shame you haven't had the chance to give birth properly" etc etc and I just think, "Fuck. Off." Don't worry what other people think. All that matters is that you are happy and feel safe, and that your dcs arrive safe. AFWIW, my ELCS was so relaxed and calm, and my dd was so relaxed and alert after birth. It is scary in the sense it is a bit odd and weird, but it is actually a very calm and tranquil way to have a baby, for you and the baby/ies, but then and again I do not have experience of VB to compare it too! An ELCS is certainly preferable to a EMCS from what I have heard, so just relax and do what you know is best for you. And FWIW, I had no problems bonding or bfing, and yes teh recovery is not ideal, but my dp took 4 weeks off and helped out, and I was up and about quite quickly. Any other issues were normal newborn first baby ones and had nothing to do with method of delivery!

KaraJS Mon 04-Jul-11 01:25:05

I've just found out I'm pregnant again and already know that this one will be a csection they've given me no choice. Realhouswife I'm glad to hear that your planned csection was a calm happy Experiance I'm hoping this one will be the same, what people don't realise Is how traumatic ecs can be, not just for you but for the baby aswell, my baby was delivered 15 mins after the decision to do a csection was made so I had to go under general, if you have been told natural would be a high risk I don't think it's a risk worth taking! I wouldn't worry what the everything natural brigade think, after all their usually the ones screaming for drugs half way thru on one born every minute!

thelittlestkiwi Mon 04-Jul-11 01:43:50

Yep, I get judgy face from people too and have quickly learned to say C-section for breech. I blame the media for harping on about too posh to push mums demanding c sections. Most people don't understand that elective means pre planned, not necessarily through choice. I sat through a childbirth class that gave a lot of misinformation about C sections knowing they were talking crap and knowing I was having one.

If I knew 3 years ago what I know now, I would have chosen to have a c section and saved myself a huge amount of worry about birth. I almost didn't have DD cos of the fear. Having kids is about 20 years, not the method of extraction.

I also think that women would be less afraid and more willing to try natural birth if they knew they would be well supported. I'd heard so many horror stories about giving birth - nasty midwives, refusal of pain relief under staffing. I was luck to give birth in NZ, a much poorer country than the UK, where I had the most amazing support. Not one of my baby group has said a bad word about the service they received.

AlpinePony Mon 04-Jul-11 07:18:00

OP see the problem you have here is that you and your husband seem confident in your decision and are wondering about thinking 'Wtf'?

Is the NCT a cult or something? ;)

I'm having an elcs this time, I look forward to the judgements!

Pudding2be Mon 04-Jul-11 08:00:22

I'm really grateful of this thread. My LO is transverse so might have to have a ELCS. I've got two weeks for her to turn before I see the consultant (I'm 32 weeks)

I would never judge someone for having a c section. It's major flippin surgery!

All I can say is they are small minded and brain washed OP. They are not considering all of the facts IMO. Well they will be in for a big shock if they have to have an EMCS.

I hope everything goes well for you

TheHumanCatapult Mon 04-Jul-11 08:08:46

When asked people did judge after i had c section for dd .I replied well without it she have been dead had a crash section and dd spent month in scubu .

But i elected to have a csection for ds3 said no ty I do not want a trial of labour and I did get lots of comments about why as most women go on to have a vbac happily

I got what I wanted and good job becuase between 37 weeks and 38 ds3 had manged to turn breech and no one picke dit up till he was born,
.Ds3 birth was calm and relaxed and I went home withing 48 hrs after he was born

Ds1 and ds 2 were normal deliverys

WriterofDreams Mon 04-Jul-11 08:26:04

The judgypants brigade are in for a shock. I avoided the NCT like the plague but a friend of mine who went to it and found it awful. They were, indeed, brainwashed into thinking no pain relief natural birth was the only way to go and that any other way was wrong. The sad thing was two of them had c sections, two had forceps (with epidural, obviously) and one had ventouse so they all got a terrible shock. I visited this friend when her group was there a few weeks after birth and it was like a wake. Everyone felt so let down and disappointed, it was really sad. Then one asked me how I'd got on and the sense of animosity towards me when I said I'd had a vaginal birth with gas and air was palpable. Thankfully they've loosened up now and I'm no longer enemy number 1! But some of them do talk mournfully about "not giving birth" which I find such a shame. That NCT teacher has a lot to answer for angry

Katiebeau Mon 04-Jul-11 08:43:27

According to my local GPs they can also spot which NCT class leader people have had as so many women (and men) are broken by the birth experience believing that anything different to a sniff of gas and air and "thinking the baby out" means they are weak mentally and physically. Add to that the fact BF can be difficult for some Mums and you have a perfect recipe for PND.

That said OP, in relation to your question, no one should give a stuff how anyone else gives birth whether it is medical choice or just preference. As for having both "front bottom" issues and recovering from a CS - I wouldn't opt for that either!!

Good luck with your twins, I hope you have lovely birth experience.

cookie9 Mon 04-Jul-11 08:48:18

Good grief surely the most important thing is that the baby is born healthy and you are ok. A c section is not an easy option it is major surgery. As for pain relief I hope those people who should know better who push natural child birth don't take pain killer when at the dentist!
I hope to have water birth but may end up with c section and I am not going to feel bad about that I just want a healthy baby.
Why do people feel the need to judge women on their method of birth? As an earlier poster commented it has absolutely nothing to do with how good a parent you will be.

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