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argh pregnant with no 4, 2 weeks into new relationship.

(12 Posts)
dutchjennie Sat 02-Jul-11 05:43:41

I already have 3 wonderful kids (13, 11 and 3) and had been single for a year when I met a lovely man. First night together I forgot my pill (but took it the next day x 3). I am 41 (and a half) and it was the wrong time of the months so I never thought any more of it. Just found out I am pregnant.

I booked into a clinic straightaway, knowing that as I am in a brand new relationship that may not even last another month, I am self employed and my little business is only just starting to thrive, and just feeling like I am too old for another one (and I hate being pregnant!), it was an easy choice. They could not see anything on the scan as it was too early (just coming up to 5 weeks) and waiting for the second appointment I am suddenly starting to waiver.

I am a really strong person, I know I could cope alone if I had to, my other kids are very supportive and I have wonderful friends around me. I have no idea what the "father" thinks, it is odd even thinking of him in that capacity, all my other kids had been planned and I don't know anyone who has had a baby with someone they did not know. I do know that my relationships with my exes (two of them) has been very tricky at times and I am loathe to bring another fatherless kid into the world BUT I look at my beautiful boys and think maybe I would love to meet another person I have grown inside me.

I veer between knowing I can do this and almost looking forwards to the new venture and knowing I am being hormonal and romantic and just because I am pregnant it does not mean I have to stay pregnant.

Any advice?

PS I keep waking at 4am! But I overall feel calm and positive.

LaVitaBellissima Sat 02-Jul-11 05:50:52

Have you actually told your new partner?

babyonbord Sat 02-Jul-11 10:02:03

I think the father has a right to know, and see how he feels, after all it may be in your body but it his child too.

PamBeesly Sat 02-Jul-11 15:31:38

Dutchjennie, I know this is corny but what does your heart tell you? Its 100% up to YOU its your body. Tell the new guy, see what he thinks, if you waiver at all you probaby want it. Good luck with your decision and your business.

NorthLondonDoulas Sat 02-Jul-11 15:46:27

Wow - what a decision you have on your shoulders! Def tell your partner and see how he feels - im sure he will be shocked to say the least, but he may come round to the idea. I fell pregnant 4 months into a new relationship (already having 2 girls with a former partner) he was over the moon and we are now married with 2 more little girls and another one on the way, so you never know how things might pan out. It sounds like although you are unsure (for obvious reasons) you are also coming round to the idea of having another baby, you are still early enough along to take some time out and have a think. Ultimatly it is your decision, but inform your nearest and dearest and see how they feel about the news as having a good support network when you have four kids is very important. Having four is hard work, very rewarding and lovely but hard work! I wish you all the luck in the world and i really hope things work out how you would like them to.x

Africagirl1 Sat 02-Jul-11 19:20:57

I have a friend who met a guy and on their first night together she fell pregnant (had previously been told she could not have kids). 18 months later they are living together as a family, getting to know each other and seeing if it will work out. So far, so good. I know it's not quite the same situation, but hope sharing helps. On the other hand no-one would judge you if you decided not to keep the baby - you know how much you can handle and what's right for you

metalelephant Sat 02-Jul-11 22:18:38

Take it one day at a time. You don't have to tell him straight away, but you probably will even if you decide not to keep it. It would be a big secret if you terminated and kept it to yourself and relationships don't really benefit from big secrets.

However, I don't think you need to worry about that yet, see how you feel after the next scan, give yourself a bit of space. I totally disagree with the "it's his baby too" comment, it will be his baby if it's born but at the moment it's a potential, an embryo rather than a child. It's your body and you will be forever responsible for this child if it is born so really at this stage it's your opinion that counts.

Ofcourse, he may be a fantastic guy and a willing father and I hope you and him are happy together, but it's your body, your choice and your family.

It's good to hear that you're calm and not stressing, give yourself time to think and good luck whichever way it goes!

harrygracejessica Sat 02-Jul-11 23:47:14

I fell pregnant on the pill in the first week of a new relationship!! He was only supposed to be a bit of fun as had just come out of a relationship, 5 years on we now have more kids, live together and I wouldnt change it for the world and nor would he.

ImBrian Sun 03-Jul-11 10:17:21

I'm pregnant with number 4, 3 months into a new relationship. Had very mixed feelings at first but after we talked about it we've decided to go ahead and he's moving in at the beginning of next month. We have known each other quite a while though and talked about the future pre pregnancy so not quite the same situation. It's all down to what's best for you and your family though but telling the father either way is prob a good idea. Good luck what ever you decide.

pregnantmimi Sun 03-Jul-11 14:04:29

keep the baby please and tell him what a special baby it would be xx

firsttimer84 Sun 03-Jul-11 20:39:03

I was actually a result of this 27 years ago! My mum and dad are one of the happiest couples I know!

I only actually realised they'd been together 2 months before I was conceived, this year.

spookshowangel Mon 04-Jul-11 09:22:14

wow there must be something in the water for 4th child a new relationships. i am pregnant with no 4 had been with the guy 9 months. was terrified of telling him because neither of us wanted any more. he was getting a vasectomy. but like you i, after initial shock felt a sense of calm and knowing i could do this with or with out him. i know i am i good mum and that i would be able to provide the baby we a loving home. happily he was on board quicker than i was which was great.
good luck the kid sounds like it is lucky to have you.

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