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Unplanned pregnancy with 3rd not sure what to do need talk.

(9 Posts)
Goldengirl01 Fri 01-Jul-11 11:13:19

I am 7-8 weeks pregnant with our unplanned 3rd child. I had a complete meltdown when I found out as I was worried about DH reaction. He was ok but in the evening when we talked about it he thought it best to terminate he said he's not sure we'll cope with three ( other 2 are 3 1/2 and 1 ). We're worried we'd have to move, get a new car, would the others suffer. I agreed and have made an appointment at the clinic for next week. I'm now wondering whether we should go through with the termination or not. I've got no one to talk to as I'm worried they'll judge me harshly. I feel stupid for getting pregnant in the first place, we'd just decided 2 was right for us. Does anyone know of any good impartial advice lines? I think I need to chat to someone who won't judge.

AKMD Fri 01-Jul-11 11:19:01

Try:

Marie Stopes - 0845 300 3737
The Family Planning Association - 0845 122 8690

I hope you find the help and support you need.

Goldengirl01 Fri 01-Jul-11 11:21:52

Thanks I'll give them a call. I'm worried if I terminate that I'll have mental health problems as a result as about 6 years ago I had a bout of bad depression.

NorthLondonDoulas Fri 01-Jul-11 15:39:33

Hi,

Its not an easy decision if you already have your family and a surprise pregnancy happens!

I have a similar (ish) situation... My husband and i already have x4 beautiful girls aged 11, 8, 3 & 2 I was on the pill and then discovered i was pregnant as i was having horrible cramping and bleeding! I am around 8/9 weeks now and the last 6 weeks have been a medical nightmare please read todays thread "hcg levels 58 tuesday - thursday have gone up to 114 - good sign?" which has my story in it as it is way to long and complicated to type all over again lol.

Basically we have our family, there are 6 of us squashed into a small 2 bedroom house and we really dont have the space, time or money do devote to another little one but i have been through so much with this pregnancy already that not only do i not want to now say 'oh wonderful it is a healthy viable pregnancy, thats great news' and then go and have a termination! But i am starting to get attached and feel that i personally cant go through all this to not have my baby at the end of it. However my husband will not entertain the idea at all and does not want the baby! I really dont know what to do or how things will work out!

But basically i just wanted to say what ever decision you make has to be the right one for you and your family. Some people may judge you but at the end of the day it is your life and you guys wiill be the only one effected by which ever decision you make! Stay strong and maybe take a little bit more time to think things through, good luck in what ever you choose.x.x

magicmelons Fri 01-Jul-11 15:52:48

Oh i'm 20 weeks with unplanned 3rd i had a complete melt down we have 2 dc at prep school and could no way afford a 3rd, i thought work would go mental, i'm on course to take over from my boss but it means lots of extra work, house money car all issues. My first thought was could i have a termination and decided the answer was no as dh said we'll never regret the baby when it's here but we always regret the termination.

So we did some massive sorting of finances etc and realised things weren't so bleak. I told work and they were lovely and oddly enough DH, who was adamant that he didn't want anymore children is more excited about this baby than he was about any of the others, he even mentioned having a 4th the other day confused.

If i were you i would talk to your dh and discuss your worries and see what you can come up with to solve them, if it's still a no go at the end of that then maybe that's your answer but talk about it, you will resent him for ever if you go through with a termination you don't want.

BaldricksTurnip Fri 01-Jul-11 15:53:37

Just wanted to say that my two are the same age as yours and I'm currently pregnant with our third (although planned). I do feel very tired compared to my other pregnancies as having two to run around after is exhausting, and I do have moments of thinking 'what am I doing having another baby?' but I also feel very excited by the prospect of a new baby and very blessed to have had 3 straightforward (so far) pregnancies. Obviously, you have to decide what's right for you and your family, but if you did decide to keep the baby, you will make it work, there's always a way. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

YellowSparkle Fri 01-Jul-11 16:47:13

Im also pregnant with an unplanned 3rd - about 6-7 weeks along. My other two are 3 years and 4 months, so really not ideal.
Ive no idea how we will cope but i know i couldnt go through with a termination. Good luck with what ever you decide!

mumnosbest Fri 01-Jul-11 17:34:14

I too am about 8 weeks with my unplanned 3rd. When did you find out? We found out about 3 weeks ago and although DH isn't over the moon, we're both coming out of shock (just) and coming around to the idea. I feel very guilty at times as I considered this option and thought of it as unwanted. If the news is very new, maybe you need a little time to get your head around it. I'm beginning to feel secretly excited after 3 weeks.

KaraJS Fri 01-Jul-11 22:25:29

We've just found out I'm pg with my 4th, I'm 6 weeks our youngest is 15 weeks old and I have a history of prem births, 15 week old was 8 weeks early so there could easily be only 9 months between them! I'm scared how I'll cope!! You have to do what u think is best for u, talk to dh about your concerns

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