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How to cope with this situation?

(9 Posts)
Newmummytobe79 Wed 29-Jun-11 16:59:36

I am meeting up with two friends this weekend. It’s been a long time since we last went out just the three of us and my pregnancy is bound to be one topic we discuss. One has lost two babies before 12 weeks and has to have treatment before she can try again and the other has been trying for years.

If I wasn’t pregnant it would be seen as normal for us to discuss both situations – but I just feel so awkward about asking …

I truly want to know if my friend having the treatment has had it yet/if it’s worked but I don’t know whether to ask as she hasn’t told me, so am I best not mentioning it – or will she think I don’t care?

They have both said how excited they are to see how bump is … but I know it must be so painful for them both

Any ideas?

missymissmiss Wed 29-Jun-11 17:25:14

if they are interested enough to ask about how bump is then i think you should ask about their ttc journey, show interest, compassion, sensitivity, encouragement etc when appropriate. don't not mention it, you have a bump its obvious you are pregnant, although their situation is not visible it doesn't mean you can't ask or be a friend... i am sure you are not the only pregnant friend they know. been where both your friends have been and its tough, if possible once the baby/ttc talk is done, move onto more interesting stuff like the state of the economy and why brothers and sisters had to end! smile

just my two pence! smile

willitbe Wed 29-Jun-11 17:34:14

I think you should definitely mention it, but be prepared to have either an emotional few minutes or them trying to change the subject. Try to follow their lead. I have found that (following several m/c's), sometimes I am in a mood to talk about it and cry on a friends shoulder about it and other times not.

Some pregnant friends I can't stand being with very long, too painful

and yet others I want to know all the details of how they are and what is happening and enjoy sharing their enjoyment of their pregnancy.

There is no logic to the emotional reaction to pregnant friends when having difficulties in trying to concieve. Don't take it personally if they don't want to talk about their difficulties or your pregnancy, as sometimes it can be difficult, but equally sometimes it is nice to forget about difficulties with concieving and enjoy the distraction of someone elses pregnancy. They possibly will not know how they will react until they see you.

So you will just have to be sensitive, please do not ignore the subject of where they are at, but gauge from their response if they want to talk or not and of how much they want to hear about your pregnancy.

I hope you have a great time with your friends.

G1nger Wed 29-Jun-11 18:12:54

I had a friend over last weekend who's been trying for two years. We just had frank conversations about her and my situations and offered excitement (for me) and concern/sympathy/an ear (for her). I'm sure you'll get your balance right too.

Renaissance227 Thu 30-Jun-11 10:41:22

Definitely talk about their experiences too. That's what friends are for. x

Catsycat Thu 30-Jun-11 10:47:35

I would definitely ask them how their situations were going. If they don't want to talk about it, they will let you know. As you say, it would be natural for you to ask them about it if you weren't pregnant. Hope you have a good time meeting up with them. x

nunnie Thu 30-Jun-11 10:49:19

I tried for my 1st for over 4 years and watched many of my friends get pregnant more tha once in that time. Personally I liked chatting about them and their situation as it gave me hope. I wasn't madly keen on discussing my TTC so I just said nothing yet but enjoying the trying, and changed subject. Ask and let them decide how much if anything they wish to discuss but I don't think you should avoid mentioning it but that's just my personal opinion.

eurochick Thu 30-Jun-11 11:47:09

I've been TTC a while and in that time a few of my friends have been PG. I talk about my situation and theirs as we would about any other issue.

YBR Thu 30-Jun-11 18:41:47

I've had 2 MMC and now 14wks. The most helpful of my friends simply asked if I was OK to talk about things - simple and blunt but still sensitive and compassionate.
Just showing that you are interested and care, and that you realise the awkwardness/potential pain counts for a lot.
I want to say "bless you" for being so aware of it because I found many people are not.

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