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Feeling very weird following 20 week scan...

(22 Posts)
roz1982 Tue 28-Jun-11 19:56:51

I had my 20 weeks scan today, and am happy and relieved that the baby is healthy and everything seems normal good. Am very grateful for this. DH and I have wanted to know the sex from the beginning; but when I was lying there I sort of almost didn't want to know anymore - we did ask though and the sonographer says she thinks it's a boy. I had dreamt a couple of times it was a boy but deep down I was hoping for a girl - I feel awful even saying that because I know the important thing is that he is healthy. I did feel a bit disappointed at first but I am happier now. The thing I'm getting irritated with is that family are already saying really stereotypical things about the baby being a boy; football etc etc and other stuff - It has annoyed me to an almost irrational extent. I just feel like I wanna snap everyones heads off about it. Is this because I'm still disappointed or because I just don't want my child to be pigeon holed and stereotyped??? I wish I didn't know now and think next time I will wait until the birth...just interested to know people's thoughts.

Crosshair Tue 28-Jun-11 20:02:52

Think its normal to abit disappointed either way when you first find out. Im sure you're happy to be having a healthy boy, but mourn the loss/idea of a girl.

I feel the same about 'boys liking football' and 'girls liking pink things', no idea why I find it so annoying tbh.

VeryHungryKatypillar Tue 28-Jun-11 20:14:41

All the stereotypical stuff winds me up just generally - I intensely dislike other people imposing their thoughts/sterotypes on my DC's. I didn't put DD1 in pink for months and months because I was so peed off with the shops only ever selling pink. They are much better now and, as a result, I am a bit more relaxed about the whole pink thing with DD2. It might be something to do with your disappointment but I think you are well within your rights to be annoyed. Just tell people how you feel about what they say, especially if they are family - you can never escape them so I think it best to be honest (whereas people on the street that say daft things can easily be ignored).

roz1982 Tue 28-Jun-11 20:18:21

Yes I agree about saying something - I think I just have to make sure I say it in a calm way!! Why are people so bloody stereotypical?? Today I just felt like screaming 'YOU KNOW WHAT?? HE MIGHT NOT EVEN LIKE FOOTBALL AND I'LL DIE BEFORE I SIT HIM INFRONT OF A PLAYSTATION, OK???!!' ah feel a bit better now!

VeryHungryKatypillar Tue 28-Jun-11 20:28:56

You let it all out!! How bout something like "Yes, he might be a footballer OR he might be into flower arranging, isn't it funny how we try to imagine what babies will do before they are even born? As long as he is healthy and happy that's all that matters"?

scepticalexpat Tue 28-Jun-11 20:29:00

Totally agree with how annoying the stereotypes are.

On your disappointment, I had a friend who had a similar experience: rather disappointed at the 20 week scan to find she was having a boy. But she got used to the idea really quickly and then was happy that she'd got over her initial reaction long before she actually met the baby. So maybe it's for the best?

roz1982 Tue 28-Jun-11 20:45:43

Yes I think your right sceptical - and I'm already getting over it, looking at names and stuff like that. I feel bad for being disappointed! I just wasn't prepared for the onslaught of stereotypical comments!!! I was just like WOAH! And I would feel exactly the same if they had said stoopid stuff about a girl as well!

yes veryhungry, I did spit something out today like 'well he might be into ballet!' and people seemed to think this was highly unaccaptable - have you NOT SEEN Billy Elliot??? The thing is I don't care if he IS into football, he can play football til his hearts content if he wants, but he can do anything else if he wants too! I just don't like it when people think that because thats the ways its always been thats the way it has to be! not even sure if that makes sense. grin

PrincessScrumpy Tue 28-Jun-11 22:22:25

I do understand but also often people are just trying to say something and mean no offence. I'm not keen on stereotypes and dd loved dinosaurs but now she is 3 and loves pink, dolls, fairies and princesses. I definitely have not forced it on her and she has a train set that she loves (but her fairies tend to be involved quite heavily).

I would try not to take offence - believe me I've had far worse regarding my twin pg, including utter horror from some and some plain insults.

Come up with a sarcastic comment back - something to do with male ballet dancers might shut them up, or simply a "well I'll let him decide on his hobbies thank you!"

PoppysMom Wed 29-Jun-11 02:18:37

I found out we were having a girl at our 15 week scan. I was disappointed, because I was convinced I was pregnant with a boy.
I got over the initial disappointment very quickly (hours) and now wouldn't change it for the world.

I really dislike the pink idea for girls and habe been looking and buying non-pink, but still girlie things.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Wed 29-Jun-11 04:35:16

I can relate. Expecting a boy this time and my initial reaction was disappointment. I was horrified at my response but once I got past the phase of mourning for the daughter that didn't exist, I started to look forward to meeting him.

Have had some really pathetic comments from folk though. DC1 is a DD, so without fail people have said "one of each, lovely!" One of each?! Yes, one of each individual human being. They aren't bloody gingerbread people! Grrrr. Even had the oh you won't need to have any more comment, as if the only reason anyone has more than one child is to try to get the other gender. Ffs.

TransatlanticCityGirl Wed 29-Jun-11 08:46:12

I can totally relate on the stereotyping thing. We decided we wanted to know the sex but we decided to keep it a secret from everyone including our families - we told them baby wasn't in the right position to find out.

This has driven the grandparents mad. They NEED to know, or so they say. We have also received very few gifts from anyone, because no one knows what to buy a sex-less baby.

Family members have unused baby gear which they want to give us (e.g. baby bath) but are reluctant to do so because it might be the wrong colour (you can't possibly bathe a baby boy in a pink bathtub, apparently).

It's absolutely hilarious seeing the way people guess what the sex is based on random facts. We know for example that baby's legs are longer than average. Grandfather therefore thinks it must be a boy. Really? What if I'm having a supermodel?

All I can say is, challenge your family and friends when they say something stupid. I'm sure they mean well, but I think it's healthy to debate gender stereotypes, especially if you want your baby to have a chance to be himself (his true self) first and foremost.

With regard to the disappointment.... I'll just ask this in the same challenging way... but what do you think will be different by having a boy vs a girl that disappoints you?

theonlyhb2 Wed 29-Jun-11 09:03:58

this is why i Didnt find out as only just started to be excited about it. I would like a boy but really wont care what it is after it comes out.

Other peoples obsession with what yr havin is quite funny. One of my friends has been trying to convince me to find out since the beginning. Its killing her not knowing! Weirdo

roz1982 Wed 29-Jun-11 11:43:27

I think my disappointment was rooted in the fact that I grew up with an older sister and a twin sister and 1 older brother; and have always been surrounded (mostly) with girls and women who have been wonderful and caring and supportive and I work in an all girls high school and Don't have any of the worries about girls being bitchy and all that because it's just not what I've exoerienced - generally I really get on with and like women alot. So I think it's partly down to my own experiences.

Today, I'm feeling much much better and not disappointed at all. He will be lovely and I can't wait and two people at my work have just had little boys and they are adorable. Another thing is, I don't think there are anywhere near as many nice names for boys! I've got a few, but have been struggling! Obviously this is a much more trivial concern!

My mum scared me as well by saying 'a daugher is a daugher for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife' - but I know that this is ridiculously old fashioned and again, stereotyped!!!!

A Bouncing Baby Boy, hurrah!!!

cupcakefairy Wed 29-Jun-11 11:51:12

Hi roz- we didn't find out the sex with our ds (now 12 months) but EVERYONE said it was a boy throughout the pregnancy...I almost wanted to defy them all by having a girl I think and at the moment of birth when dh said 'it's a boy' I'm absolutely ashamed to admit there was a tiny pang of disappointment blush but as soon as I saw him I got over it (I'd been calling him 'he' throughout the labour too so who knows where the disappointment came from??!) I have 2 sisters too and have always loved the idea of having girls..

But let me just reassure you that boys are ACE, and I secretly want the next one to be a boy too because they're so funny and cheeky and just lovely. (I know you said you're over it now, but just wanted to add more reassurance!)
Totally agree about names though there do seem to be waaaay more nice ones for girls; we struggled loads with boys' names but you'll come up with the perfect one smile out of interest what are you thinking?

Also I don't think that saying about daughters for life is necessarily true, boys rely on their mothers a lot more and until they're much older than girls so don't worry grin (just fingers crossed he won't still be living with you expecting to have his bed changed for him at 40!!)

cupcakefairy Wed 29-Jun-11 11:54:12

Oh and about the stereotyping thing- GRRRR peoples' comments are SO annoying aren't they! My real bug-bear is people who say 'well just wait til they're walking/talking/terrible 2s/teenagers, then it's really game over!' - yes because all children act EXACTLY the same in all those stages. People just like to think their own experience is the ONLY one that could happen.

roz1982 Wed 29-Jun-11 12:38:30

hahahah! thanks for your posts cupcake and your little boy sounds adorable! as for names I like - Leo, Jake, Jude - that's it at the moment and I'm not MAD on any of them!!! I want something thats still a bit unusual and cool but not ridiculous!!

QuiltySecrets Wed 29-Jun-11 12:41:32

I'm just finding myself getting so irritated by stupid comments - we haven't found out the sex and I got asked the other day, "well, which do you think you'd be a better mother to - a boy or a girl?" ??????!!!

roz1982 Wed 29-Jun-11 12:56:59

That is truly a ridiculous comment!!!!!! shock

nicolamumof3 Wed 29-Jun-11 13:14:05

people make silly remarks all the time unfortunately, wait until you've had the baby you'll get even more then!! Especially when he's screaming his head off in the supermarket!! grin

TransatlanticCityGirl Wed 29-Jun-11 17:38:32

Re your mother's comment "a daugher is a daugher for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife"....

My husband calls his mother just about every other day & has a fantastic relationship with her, whereas I haven't spoken to mine (barring 3-4 emails) since last summer. I've never really had much in common with my mum apart from a few DNA cells.

It's all down to what you make of it!

cupcakefairy Thu 30-Jun-11 10:09:48

Hooray roz one of those names is my ds's name gringrin good choice! I know what you mean about not being mad on any but as I said, you will find the right one- you're def on the right lines wink

roz1982 Thu 30-Jun-11 11:50:49

hehehe! thanks cupcake your making me feel very excited and giddy!!! I reckon when baby is here we will know which name it should be!! grin

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