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Don't know how to manage fear

(12 Posts)
kitkey Tue 28-Jun-11 07:27:34

I admit it i am paranoid about still birth and counting movements - not sure how to calm it down. This is dc3 and am 27 weeks - I have not been for monitoring yet in this pregnancy which is an improvement as went 8 times in first. I still don't get what i am supposed to count and how long to leave it us i don't feel movements. Yesterday baby moved loads in am and then i didn't feel here again and by the time DH got in at 7 I was shaking and crying. I was all ready to go to the hospital but DH made me give it an hour and she started jumping around. I have a 2 year old and a 3.5 year old and work as a nurse 2 days a week so I very rarely feel a lot of movements except of a evening. Is it ok to just feel baby move in the evening and try and relax the rest of the day. The problem with thus us someday I will unexpectedly get a right kicking at a random time and zo expect it the next day. Arghh I'm going bonkers and everyday is stress!

kitkey Tue 28-Jun-11 07:29:29

And my typing on a iPhone with a 3 year old trying to snatch it off me is terrible blush sorry.

lovemysleep Tue 28-Jun-11 09:25:15

I'm not sure how you count movements either, so I can't help with that, sorry. I'm currently 25 weeks, and there are days when I get lots of movement, and others where there isn't much at all. I tend to find that if I'm busy or with people all day, that the movement seems less - maybe mine and other voices sooth the baby to sleep?
I had a week a being a worried a couple of weeks ago, and have decided to try to do some relaxation exercises - and have just ordered a CD so I can do more.I know that there are some apps that you can download to help you monitor kicks if you have an iPhone - think there is a "Count the Kicks" campaign website where you can get these.
I fully sympathise - I've had 4 mc's, and there are times when I just don't believe that this baby will arrive safely.
Take care x

whizzyrocket Tue 28-Jun-11 09:26:54

This is the first time I've been pregnant and you sound further along than me so I can't tell you what's normal and what isn't, but I can tell that this stress isn't doing you or your baby much good. Your baby shares your hormones so the last thing you want is for it to get used to a load of angst!

If you are worried, ask your midwife or go to your gp. I would have thought that's more sensible than a trip to the hospital. In the military (my OH's profession) they say "if there is doubt, there is no doubt" meaning if you are at all concerned do something about it. I understand your chap calming you down and making you wait but even if it's just worry you still need to do something to reassure yourself or you'll worry until your young bean is born.

It does sound like you have busy active days though- when I'm active I don't feel my baby at all and think he sleeps all day, but when I lie down in the evening it feels like he's bouncing off the mattress! smile

KaraJS Tue 28-Jun-11 09:28:19

My last baby was an evening mover very rarly felt him at other times of the day, have you thought about buying a Doppler the angel sounds is really good and around 25 -30 pounds, I know people say you worry more if you can't find the heartbeat but everyone I know who's bought one hasn't had a problem and it seems your really worried anyway so could be worth buying

Armi Tue 28-Jun-11 10:21:46

One way of checking is to give yourself an hour, sit down quietly and make a note of any movements you feel over the course of that hour. I believe the average is about 10 movements, including kicks and wriggles. This seemed a lot to me and initially threw me into a panic - like you my days were really busy so I didn't seem to have a lot of movement - but when I sat quietly and made a note of what the little monkey was up to we clocked up 10 movements in minutes because he is such a wriggler! I'm at 38 weeks now and he's still leaping about like a maniac in there.

Having said that, if you're even remotely anxious I'd get things checked out by the midwife. They won't mind at all and you'll feel a million times better.

Mintmagnums Tue 28-Jun-11 12:20:28

Maybe you could talk to your midwife or GP about your fears and how to manage them? Perhaps attend a relaxation or yoga class to help you feel more chilled out (or listen to a relaxation CD). You don't want to add the worry about stressing baby out to your fears as well so for baby and your own sanity you do need to find a way to relax (I know, much easier said than done!). I'm 38 weeks and have never been able to establish a pattern of movement except that some days baby is quiet and other days very busy. I bought a doppler and just tried to only use it when I was worried I hadn't felt any movement for a while - it really helped me to relax. I don't think midwives tend to approve of them though as sometimes people get their own heartbeat mixed up with babys but even if that's not the answer for you, there will be something to help you feel a little better so you can enjoy the pregnancy rather than feel stressed all the time. Good luck :-)

elseIlltellyourfather Tue 28-Jun-11 14:22:30

Know how you feel. i was told it is very important to lie down for 2 HOURS on left side, following a cold (icy drink). Yhe baby maybe sleeping for up to 2 hours at a time so you need to do it for at least this long. You should feel 10 movements during this time, or soon after if you lie down as babay settles for 2 hour sleep! This is what mw told me following monitoring. I agree though, the busier you are, the less you feel movements so you do need to concetrate on it for a long period to be sure (impossible with other children I know)

kitkey Tue 28-Jun-11 14:29:58

Yes I think 2 hrs is necessary but i don't have 2 hrs until the kids are in bed - I do sometimes feel her here and there but often not for 5 hrs and then j get tetchy. Day by day I'll get there. She is always awake in the evening but it is a loooong day of worry.

KaraJS Tue 28-Jun-11 20:28:41

I know how you feel, I was always poking him and waking him up! Can't remember how far gone I was when I was able to wake him up, can't have been much further along than you tho as he was born at 32 weeks

CBear6 Tue 28-Jun-11 23:20:50

I asked my MW at my appointment on Wednesday, I'm 29 weeks. She told me that I should be feeling a minimum of 10 movements in any given 24hr period - this can be either kicks, wiggles, squirms, etc. She said if I ever feel less than this or I'm worried that the movements have changed (e.g., increased or decreased in strength, frequency, and intensity) then I should contact the maternity assessment unit and go in to get checked over. She reminded me that if I've been busy then I may not have noticed movements however it's better to have a cold drink/sugary snack on the way to the maternity unit than sit at home waiting for kicks to start.

Regarding dopplers: I have the angel sounds monitor and while it's wonderful and an amazing bonding tool it's no substitute for actual medical advice or the experience of a good MW. There are many sounds going on inside there - your own heartbeat, the rushing of the placenta, the cord pulse, baby's heartbeat, your bowel sounds, and various other beats and noises. There is no guarantee that what you are hearing is your baby or that everything is well, the reason the hospital runs a trace lasting up to an hour or longer is because it gives them a better picture of what is going on and they are trained to interpret it. Home dopplers and monitors are toys and nothing more, your first port of call should always be a health professional.

CBear6 Tue 28-Jun-11 23:21:27

Also I find that DH blowing a big raspberry on my tummy gets a reaction every time smile

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