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Who will be/was there during labour?(30 Posts)
Just wondering what happened when you went into labour? Was it just you and DH? Did your mum or sister help out/be there to support DH? Or did you have a friend and DH with you?
Also Im petrified of the everyone bombarding the hospital as soon as baby arrives are they allowed to do this or do you have time for you and DH to get to know baby before visitors arrive?
Well in both my labours I had DP and his mum as my birth partners. But then I get on well with my MIL and I trust her. She was very good about slipping off and letting us bond with our new arrival.
You'll need to check your hospital's policy on visitors as that varies a lot between hospitals. It will also partly depend on what time you give birth. DS was born in the early hours so noone could come visit straight away. DD was born at 7pm so no one came to visit till the following evening.
Also, you'll find you'll have some time in your delivery room to relax with baby before getting moved onto a ward. Visitors are not allowed in the delivery room. If any family do get funny wanting to barge in just make it clear to the midwife that you do not want them allowed in.
For dd1 I ahd my mum and my sister. For dd2 I had DH and my mum. My sister was a better help. Despite being warned by both my mum and several midwives to go home and rest incase he was called back to the hospital in the wee hours (I was in to be induced) he went to the pub and an Indian Restraunt. He spent much of the labour complaining he was tired and in and out of the loo
They allowed my Gran to visit in the delivery suite for dd1 as she was born during the day, but dd2 as it was v early hours/middle of the night. They did ask my permission before allowing her in.
I read some stuff about men and labour during pregnancy and decided that though DH would be there for the actual birth, for most of the labour I just wanted female support. Labour is usually a long, long process for the first one. Our birth centre had very strict visitation rules too, only two adults at a time so that helps keep numbers down.
With DS, I had DH, it wasn't a very good experience though, he found it traumatic and in all honesty, he wasn't much help, so with Dc2 due in Nov, I am having a private midwife as my birth partner. Unusual, I know, but we are both very comfortable with it.
DH and a midwife (was induced)
Told people I didn't want visitors in the hospital or for the first day or so at home.
Absolutely agree with worldgonecrazy. I wanted and needed my mum for the first stage of labour (was also induced with DC1), and I did feel bad for my DH, but he was just getting on my tits. But for 2nd stage it was me and DH all the way, head-to-head - he was amazing! Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it!
With DC2 I did most of first stage on my own (didn't want to wake anyone up!), and ditto 2nd stage - DH had been awake for 45 minutes when I fired DD out into the world!!
So, it depends on who you have around you and their personalities, but a good, calm, strong woman BFF, mum, sis, private MW for the first bit, and then get your DP to let you crush his hand in the second stage!
Unlikely that you will have "everyone bombarding the hospital as soon as baby arrives" as you'll be on the labour ward for a while tbh.
And if you're not ready for people to arrive then don't tell 'em your baby has arrived until you're ready
I had mine at home so it was just DH and the midwife for the actual birth (another mw came late). I specifically asked for no students to be present as I wanted as few people as possible around me.
My parents live close by so they popped in to see me a few hours after the birth, everyone else waited a while (by the time you have number 3, the novelty has worn off a bit )
Dh was the only one there (and mw). I didn't have visitors in hospital with dd1 but I was only in for 24 hours. This time I'm pg with twins and having a cs. My parents will be bringing dd1 to the hospital but dh will bring dd into the room to meet her sisters, then my parents can come in. If I'm in for a while then friends and family might pop in but we'll probably put them off.
With dd1 pils visited on the friday at our house - dd was born on the Wednesday and we'd only had one night home before they arrived. This time dh and I are agreed that we will not have people so soon even if the weekend is more suitable for them, they can wait for the next weekend. However, I do forsee issues as my parents will have seen babies and pils won't have. Oh well, they'll get over it. They saw dd1 first. Can get complicated even though I love both my parents and pil!
There will be me and OH (fingers crossed all being well we will be at home)
1 midwife will come and another for the delivery itself.
That will be it (and i'll be more than happy for one of the midwives to be in the next room unless they were actually needed)
In the event i need to go to hospital, then i will ask for as few people as possible and absolutely no students / trainees etc. The bear minimum amount of people, + OH and me!
No parents or inlaws or sisters / aunts etc. They can all wait at least 24 hours!
(weather at home or hospital!)
DD1 - DP and my Mum, DP was useless, Mum solely responsible for me avoiding an unnecessary c section.
DD2 - DP, my Mum, my doula and DD1. My Mum was in charge of DD1, DP and the doula were fabulous.
DC3 - will be same as above, with DD2 added.
I'd love to be able to invite MIL but because of her own history (3 crash c sections, one stillborn baby) she's frightened of birth.
I had my mum and DH. Was induced, so i was expecting a long labour. In the end it was a long wait before induction (26 hours) but only 3 hours from induction to delivery.
I wanted my mum there in case DH couldnt get away from work and for female support and to look after DH for me. Both of them were fantastic.
just me, hubby and medical people. hubby is my best friend and i dont need anyone else tbh.
1st time, DH.
2nd time, just me and the midwife. DH was looking after DS, it was a home birth.
I can't get my head around wanting people there - mum and/or MIL would be unbearable despite being nice people who I love to bits. I prefer to be left alone (apart from professional support). Thankfully DH says he's seen it all once and has no desire to see it again.
1st, my partner at the time and the midwife popping in every now and again.
2nd, student midwife. Bless her cottons, she was a lifesaver.
3rd, am assuming it will just be me, unless am lucky enough to be assigned another student.
Prior to labour I was DEAD against anyone except my husband (and obviously health professionals!) being present, but my son had other ideas and decided to arrive early whilst I was on holiday with my Mum, and my husband was at home 200 miles away! The whole labour was only 5 1/2 hours and my Mum was the most amazing support. Husband made it 10 minutes before our son was born! I would say, go with your gut instinct with the planning, but if things take an unexpected turn then the plans might change (and they can change for the better!).
I can't really comment on visitors as we didn't have many due to being far from home, but see how you feel, you can say No!
It's v unlikely my h will be there as we are really not getting on. My mum is on standby,I have a week til due date. Biggest fear is being by myself because of husband
Just DH with me, MW popped in occasionally and we called her into catch.
I also specified absolutely minimum number of people but would have considered a student MW. We live abroad but even had we been closer to home I would have kept it that way. My mother had 3 ELCS so no experience of labour, MIL took every intervention going and thinks I should have had the full works too. She was very negative about me preferring to avoid an epidural beforehand and she'd have been telling me to get pain relief, have an IV, have an episiotomy (rather than tear naturally which was my preference) etc. I'm a fairly
obstinate strong minded person but in labour I might have listened and regretted it.
I'd love a HB but that's conditional on us moving somewhere which allows them. Otherwise hospital again with minimal assistance.
Dh only at home, once at the hospital his mum because mine lives a long way away and didn't get there until after DD was born. Was extremely grateful that she was there as she spotted DD heart rate crashing. Two midwives (one a student), two anaesthetists, two registrars, two nurses, a paediatrician and a consultant at the actual birth (EMCS).
I had my mum and ex at my first borns but this time it will be my dh and his mum as this is obviously my second labour experience but his first and i think he will need his mum, plus it seemed fair, my mum has been to one (she even cut my sons cord) and my new partners mum will get to be at one but id definatly have a woman there you trust who has been through it.
I had only my DH at all 3 of my labours, he was my rock & im so glad he was there to share such a wonderful experience
With my DS1 I wanted my mum also present but my DH as not so keen on the idea, he said 'she wasnt in the room when we made the baby so no need for her to be in the room when its born'. I respected his wishes but was sad at the time, now looking back im glad it was just us as its such an emotional & intermite thing to share.
hi there it is completely up to you who u feel comfortable with, with dd1 i was certain i wanted partner and mother in room, soon i was in labour i wanted it to be just me and my partner, so i wasnt answering mothers calls/ txts etc, was quite angry when she arrived at the hospital at 2am when i was 6cm dialted but after after about 20hours i was exhausted and am ever so grateful she was there to help me through the rest of the labour, she seemed to know exactly when i needed a drink, exactly when to put the cold flannel on my head and exactly the right things to say, my partner of corse was amazing, she just had no clue what to do and seeing me in that much pain made him upset.. i would definatley encourage having female support there, especially someone who knows what birth is like, as far as visitors, dont tell anyone untill ur ready, i made the mistake of telling ppl i had given birth and would txt when up yo visitors, i had rude ppl arriving a few hours later
Well due to DS being a bit of a pickle I had DP 2 midwives and a student midwife!
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