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Unplanned pregnancy at 37

(10 Posts)
Choateee Thu 23-Jun-11 21:58:55

Hi not really sure what I am after, just someone to talk to more than anything.
Today I found out I am 8 weeks pregnant even though I had a coil fitted, been to doctors this morning and they have now removed this with a risk of miscarriage in the next 48 hours - nothing happening yet!
I am just really confused as to how I feel , I have 3 children already, 16, 11 and 10 so way past babies/toddlers and life's quite easy now with the kids with regards to holidays etc, I've also been back at work for 2 years in a job I love.

I also have a history of premature labour having 1 four weeks early, 1 seven weeks early and having one nearly thirteen weeks early - was put in hospital on bed rest for 5 weeks and then managed to hold onto baby until 34 weeks but he has very mild cerebral palsy.

The thought of a termination fills me with dread and really don't think I could do it although I am not against it in anyway.

Hubby's not against it but has concerns for me with regard to early labour and also the whole 'we thought our child bearing days were over'

I just really don't know what to do and worried about how this is going to impact on us as a family as a whole. confused

LAbaby Thu 23-Jun-11 22:21:03

I can't help with the having a baby later in life than you expected to side of things.
But I do have a younger brother, a whole 18 years my junior, who was the unexpected fourth child and is now at primary school. I still remember the complete horror I felt when I was told about the pregnancy - I thought I was the sexually active one, not my parents! In fact none of us were sure about the idea to start (although we did get excited, it's just that teenagers are naturally selfish!).
I'm the oldest and I was off to university - so I never actually lived with him. But my siblings, teenagers at the time, adapted well and loved being big sister/brother. They gave a lot of help, cleaning, baby sitting, etc and their friends were all keen to come round and play with the baby, he was really the big attraction at our house. And I visited a lot more than I would have otherwise. Christmas went from being about how much you could get to all about santa, a big improvement!
And my little brother benefited too, he has three extra people to go to for advice and he idolises my brother.
Another advantage is that my parents are very relaxed with him and different people to the parents I remember, who were often stressed with three small kids. And it helped that they were in a completely different situation financially than in our young childhood.
He has really kept our family close, and none of us would be without him.
Obviously its a difficult situation, but if you are worried about the impact on your older three then this is what happened with us.
Hope this helps!

Choateee Thu 23-Jun-11 22:31:14

Thank you LAbaby
There is a part of me that is very excited - and I know that my husband and I are very different people now and definitely think we will be a lot calmer - it's just the whole early labour issue and the difficulties that this may cause that worries me - if I had normal labours I don't think we would be worried at all :-)

greenshoot19 Thu 23-Jun-11 22:34:02

what a shock for you Chaoteee! i can understand your predicament. Good to hear from the other side LAbaby! if a termination fills you with dread (it would me too) maybe that is not the way? I know the other alternative must be pretty frightening too, but i would say it has far more potential to bring you happiness in the end. hopefully there are other people on here with your kinda experience to help you! best of luck.

WishIWasRimaHorton Thu 23-Jun-11 22:37:58

medical science may have moved on a bit since you had your DCs? don't know the reason for your prem labours, but maybe it will be a bit more manageable now?

Choateee Thu 23-Jun-11 23:04:42

I have an incompetent cervix which just means that it starts dilating too early - this can sometimes be resolved with a cervical stitch put in at around 12 weeks and taken out at 37 weeks, however the consultant I was under during my last pregnancy was not keen to do this. If I don't lose this baby then I am going to push for a stitch although this also has a risk of miscarriage

WishIWasRimaHorton Fri 24-Jun-11 13:38:29

yes, i know quite a few people who have had a stitch put in. i didn't know about the risk of miscarriage. you can ask for a different consultant - you probably wouldn't get the same one again anyway.

hope you come to a decision which is bearable for all of you.

Choateee Fri 24-Jun-11 15:04:19

We have already decided that we are keeping this baby but as there is a risk of miscarrying for 48 hours after having a coil removed (which takes me to tomorrow afternoon) my husband is very much lets just see what happens and is kind of not accepting I am pregnant until then! I feel fine though no cramping and no bleeding so fingers crossed.
Thanks for all your comments

NorthLondonDoulas Fri 24-Jun-11 15:32:02

If you have both decided to have the baby then firstly congratulations!!!Regarding the risk of miscarriage from the coil removal, please relax and put your feet up - just do what ever you can to minimise the risk.

I can totally understand that starting all over again must be a very daunting prospect, but im sure that fingers crossed when the little one arrives it wont be long before he/she feels so right and so much a part of the family that none of you would be able to imagine life without your new addition!

I wish you and your family all the best.x

Crosshair Fri 24-Jun-11 15:40:40

Congrats, Hope it all works out for you!

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