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Mother Nature Cult?

(12 Posts)
Newmummytobe79 Tue 21-Jun-11 08:55:36

Just wondering if any other first time Mums-to-be are experiencing this?

Prior to getting pregnant all my friends and family with small children just couldn’t wait for us to start trying and begged us to have babies as soon as we could! We got fluffy, cutesy stories about how wonderful they are and how exciting it is shopping for baby items, how it fulfils you and what great parents we’d make … fast forward to being pregnant and all we get now is doom and gloom!

Our relationship will be tested to breaking point, holiday’s will never be the same again, the house will always be a mess, how we won’t be able to just pop out to the shops, how we’ll never have couple time again, if we want to go out we’ll have to do it in relays of DH one night and me the next, skint for life, no sleep, no social life, no sex life etc etc and to top it all off – the other day my SIL told me to enjoy the newborn phase when baby arrives as that’s easy and the hard work is yet to come!

Jeesh! Just can’t get over how the opinions have changed so much from trying to actually being pregnant! We’re not stupid and we know that it’s going to be tough … but we’re so excited and just get dragged down by such negativity! If it’s so bad , then why have most of our friends got two children … or was that an accident on the one night they did get to have sex again! wink

xkatyx Tue 21-Jun-11 09:22:37

Some people are just so odd aren't they, I'm supprised you haven't heard horror stories yet that someone's friend of a friend mums auntie had a baby with two heads.

From a mum of 3 and pregnant again I can assure you it is not doom and gloom.

It is amazing yes You get tired yes and yes it does take a few extra minutes to get out but you don't actually think oh god this I awful at all infect I love getting my babies all ready to go out.

as for having your time gone in evenings that is rubbish me and dh would have eldest in bed by 7 and when our baby was newborn she was in our room we used to lay in bed staring at how perfect she was.

So what I'm trying to say is it does change but a good change smile

buttonmoon78 Tue 21-Jun-11 09:30:54

I agree - things change but if things always stayed the same, life would be very boring!

There are difficult parts - with each of mine about 4 wks post birth I hit a really bad slump. I think it was an accumulation of no sleep and you feel utterly exhausted. But hey, that's when they learn to smile!

I'm not Mothercare's biggest fan, but that slogn of theirs is absolutely true where they talk about parenting being exhausting, frustrating, exciting, rewarding etc. It's all those things and more rolled together.

After all, if it wasn't great I wouldn't be nearly 35wks pg with #4, would I?

Just say to every comment, both positive and negative, 'I know - we're looking forward to it sooo much'. They'll soon get bored. Good luck smile

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 21-Jun-11 09:31:12

Life does change in a big way, but its amazing & I wouldnt have it any other way! Im expecting no.3 now & I also love dressing my boys up ready to go out & I love it when people say what a credit the boys are to my & dp!....There are tired, messy, chaotic times ahead, but also the most amazing, emotional, funny, fantastic times too!....We have always had a strict bedtime routine, so that when the boys are in bed at 19.30pm (latest), we at least get a few 'adult' hours! Some friends of mine haven't really got a bed time routine & feel like they never get any time alone, if I could give one piece of advice it would be a great bedtime routine & then a few hours to yourselves!....

On the subject of peoples 'opinions'.....grrr this drives me crazy, when we were first married, all we heard was 'any baby news/pitter patter of tiny feet yet?'...then after ds1 'he needs a brother or sister so he isnt lonely'....now we have announced pregnancy no.3 & most people have said 'was it planned?'....Im not sure what gives people to right to say such insensitive things!....

CBear6 Tue 21-Jun-11 09:31:32

I was just talking about this exact thing with DH last night!

We had the same thing from everyone. All of our friends had children so we were getting comments from them and family about how we should "crack on" because it's marvellous/rewarding/we're not getting any younger (I was 20-bloody-8 when DS was born, hardly an old lady!).

As soon as I got pregnant it was "ooooh, now you're in for it". Think you're tired now, wait until you're up all night with the baby. Think you have laundry now, wait until you have a baby and you're doing fifty loads an hour. You'll be skint forevermore, forget about holidays abroad because you can't fly with children (as everyone knows, children are banned from all major airlines, right?), you'll never buy anything for yourself ever again, nights out are a thing of the past, and you'll never get five minutes to yourself ever again. Oh, and when the baby comes that's when the hard work begins.

Well DS is nearly 2yo and I must be doing it wrong because it's nothing at all like that. I'm not going to say it's a breeze because there are parts of it that are hard work and each age/stage brings it's own challenges, but you don't turn into this mindless parental drudge just because you popped a baby out. You find things that work for you and you do the best you can. DS did wake for night feeds when he was smaller but he certainly wasn't awake all night every night. No one deliberately throws money away (I think) but aside from budgeting to make sure we have all our nappies, etc we're not penniless, and we probably could have done with a shopping budget years ago to be honest. We took DS on a mini-holiday last summer (long weekend at a UK hotel) and next year we'll hopefully be taking him abroad for two weeks along with his little sister who will be almost one by then. Our sex life hasn't suffered, our relationship is better, and we had a night out together just the other night with another one later this week. And I get loads of time to myself, DS goes to bed at 7:30 and that's my time afterwards, plus DH and I take him out alone at least once a week each, it gives DS some 1-2-1 with either mama or daddy and whoever is left at home has a few hours to themselves (we also still get lie-ins using the same method).

I'm pregnant again and the comments have started up of "ooooh, wait until you have two ... "

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 21-Jun-11 09:37:27

Forgot to add re holidays, both of my sons first flights were long haul!....This new baby will also be coming on a long haul flight when he/she is 8 months old!....This has been met with disapproving comments each time! 'they are too young' 'they dont appreciate the holiday' WELL we do thank you very much!.. We found it fine! The boys were really good, we kept them occupied & I have no hesitation taking 3 children on holiday!....

CBear6 Tue 21-Jun-11 09:40:04

I second the comments about a good bedtime routine - DS knows when it's bedtime and we know it's our time. From the day he came home from hospital he's been fed, washed, PJ'd and in his bed by 7:30pm. The time sometimes changes if we've been out somewhere or whatever but the routine/pattern stays the same, by the time we get to the PJs step his eyes are rolling and he's yawning.

CBear6 Tue 21-Jun-11 09:48:32

Oh, and I pop out to the shops all the time. Babies are like this big <holds hands apart>, they're fairly portable. Toddlers too. It's why buggies were invented. Yes, you need to pack a few extras like nappies and wipes and it can take a little bit longer to actually get out of the door because you have to round up shoes, favoured blankets, etc but you're not house bound by any means - little ones love going out in the pushchair.

And while my living room looks like a Toys R Us exploded, toys can be picked up and put back in the box and aside from the toys it's not messy.

m1nn1em0u5e Tue 21-Jun-11 09:53:19

I love love love pushing my baby around the shops!....Not so much now they are 8 & 4 & unless its Toysrus, they really dont like shopping!....But I get chance when they are at school & nursery, & my husband/mum/mother in law are always happy to watch them!....I couldnt imagine my life any other way smile

KatyN Tue 21-Jun-11 10:42:12

Loving the 50 washing loads an hour. We were told there was NO WAY we could have a child without a tumble dryer. When I paused and pointed out that we live in a flat with plenty of drying space but no space for a tumble they just look like I've got no idea and will be begging DH to move so we can get a tumble dryer!

nunnie Tue 21-Jun-11 10:57:19

Right working through your list.

Tiredness makes me and DH irritable, but that doesn't last forever and you do get out the otherside.
Holidays have never been this much fun since I was a child, I was cheerleading at centre parcs with my DD a couple of weeks back and it was great fun, but would ahve looked odd doing it without DD.
I clean as I go, but sometimes that isn't possible, and you just have to look at your baby, toddler and see them having fun mess can wait.
I am constantly at the shop, I forget most of what I need and have to go back.
We have couple time in the evenings which is the same as before we had children. It is overrated anyway family time is much more fun.
We didn't go out before we had children so we don't miss what we never had so can't help on that sorry.
Yes finacially we aren't wealthy but not sure we ever were, but we budget and do allow for some treats occasionally.
Never really had a social life so can't help sorry.
Sex life, I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and my youngest is 37 weeks old so I personally haven't had a sex life lack yet and this is my 3rd pregnancy.

The baby phase is easier, but I have to say the next stage whilst a little more challenging is a great deal more fun and much more rewarding, with the giggles and smiles and the personality shining through.

Ignore doom and gloom, one persons doom and gloom is another persons fun and laughter.

Catsycat Tue 21-Jun-11 11:36:27

I think people think they are being helpful when they tell you all the "bad" bits - like they are helping you prepare. Doesn't always work though does it???

We have two children, and when we had our first it was so easy to take her out. While DH was on paternity leave we used to go out to eat in the evening with her , and she would just sit there and go to sleep. It was lovely. Once bedtimes set in, its harder, but hey that's what babysitters are for (we use one of the girls from their nursery, as they know and adore her and she's all CRB'd and trained etc). We try to set aside one evening a month to go out together.

It's lovely taking them out to the shops - especially when they are small and everyone stops to chat and admire them!

Our living room usually does look like its been burgled by the end of the day, but once they are in bed it takes 10 minutes to pick everything up, and we then have the whole evening to ourselves.

It can be stressful at times, but you know that. Being a family, and bonding as such, and watching them grow and change just outweighs any bad completely.

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