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Worried about sex....

(20 Posts)
GemmaReeto Sat 18-Jun-11 16:21:30

Hi Everyone smile

Im pregnant for the first time, nearly 19 weeks now. This is quite a personal question but its something that is worrying me so hoping people can help with their experiences/opinions.

Basically, I found out I was pregnant at just over 4 weeks. I was feeling rather tired and crappy during the first trimester so sex was the last thing on my mind and Im sure this is normal for a lot of people.

However, I've read that in the second trimester sex drive usually comes back and you can even feel like having it more than usual. This has not happened for me. I just dont feel like it really and i know that theres a couple of things are contributing towards it. I know it is safe to have sex and it may sound silly but up to yet (touch wood and may it long continue) I have had a very straight forward pregnancy, no bleeding or anything like that. I've heard that sometimes having sex in pregnancy can cause a little spotting or bleeding and if this happenned to me I would totally FREAK out as Im such a worrier! Another thing that makes me not particularly feel like it is that I dont feel that sexy at the moment. This is mainly because I am forever needing the loo most days (I had a bad enough bladder before pregnancy!) and feeling like you need to pee is not the most sexy feeling in the world!

I was just wondering if it was normal for people to go through a whole pregnancy without having sex? Im lucky in the sense that my DF has not been putting any pressure on me to do anything but Im starting to feel guilty, like I should be iykwim?

Sorry, as well as worrying I have this habit of rambling on! blush

LilQueenie Sat 18-Jun-11 16:30:36

yes its normal. We decided not to risk it although we were told no risk to us. This was after a long battle with my fertility. However in the last couple of weeks Ive felt a bit more into it but there are other things you can do....

DP has not bothered me about it at all even though when not pregnant he bugs me constantly.

icravecheese Sat 18-Jun-11 18:13:40

My poor poor husband... I just totally, utterly & completely go off sex during pregnancy, I don't know why, think its psychological as I find it really hard to be intimate with my husband when I'm carrying a baby inside me.

I'm on 3rd preg now, & my DH knows that nothing will be happening in that dept until after the birth. I do try to make it up to him once baby is born smile

Dont feel guilty, just discuss with your partner to make sure he knows how you feel & that you are aware of the lack of 'contact' between you. Some men go off sex during preg anyway so he might be relieved that you're not bothered either!

GemmaReeto Sat 18-Jun-11 19:01:23

Thanks for your replies, you have both made me feel better. Was worried incase it was just me!

Maybe your right and he hasnt pressured me because he doesnt like the idea of it. I know what you mean about finding it hard knowing there is a baby in there!

smile

Ivortheengine8 Sat 18-Jun-11 19:28:26

Oh don't worry. I know plenty of mums boast about how much they have sex during pregnancy, but I wonder sometimes how many couples are like this.
I was ok in my first pregnancy and in the 2nd trimester we carried on as usual (believe me the times still few and far between!) But this pregnancy I think we have done it twice since I got pregnant! I'm now 23 weeks. I don't think he is tht bothered about it either though (he's a computer geek so more interested in his programming which I count as a blessing in disguise at the moment!)

ToriaPumpkin Sat 18-Jun-11 19:58:05

I'm the same. OH was up for trying it, we did once fairly early on and that was it, I pretty much shut down. I'm 21 weeks now and we've discussed it and I've told him how I feel and he's very nicely accepted it! Will have to try to make it up to him once the baby comes along I think smile

candr Sat 18-Jun-11 20:40:17

Hi, am same as Lil, my DH says although I look lovely pregnant it does not turn him on, was relieved to start with then got paranoid as normally he has high libido but have chilled again about it. Have felt up for it myself sometimes and definatly had raunchier dreams at start of 2nd tri than am used to but they seem to have stopped too. It is nice not to feel pressure but hope I 'heal' quickly

Petalouda Sat 18-Jun-11 21:00:03

You're normal! DS is nearly 12wks so that means we've DTD probably once in nearly a year. Fortunately, DH is hugely understanding, we've found "ways round" it, and I don't ask what he does late at night with his laptop! grin

Hoping normal service will resume soonish.

JenniL1977 Sat 18-Jun-11 21:07:29

It's normal lovely, don't sweat it. You just go with how you feel. Some people will want it all the time when they're pg, some not at all, some in the middle.
Tbh, I found that the first trimester feeling didn't wear off until week 20, that's when I got my energy back; now I'm 32 weeks I'm back to first trimester tiredness/feeling icky and wierd. You might find you feel different in a couple of weeks. But if not, don't fret.
FWIW, the two times we've done it we've been careful to pick positions that mean DH can't get in there too deeply, to minimise any risk of spotting etc (sorry if TMI!) because like you I would just freak out if that happened.
Congratulations, btw smile

GemmaReeto Sun 19-Jun-11 14:29:31

Thanks for all your lovely replies.

I think its because other people seem to (or maybe just make out, who knows?) that they are still having sex quite a bit and I just thought omg am I being really harsh on DF by not doing it! Maybe you are right and I may feel differently in the next few weeks but if not at least I now know that its normal!

Stress over smile

Mum2be79 Sun 19-Jun-11 17:22:40

I'm nearly 12 weeks and although we 'do it', not as often and even then my sex drive is still in 1st gear!
If you're not comfortable, don't. Do the foreplay stuff instead! If you are, go for it!

I was worried about bleeding etc, but so far so good, absolutely no spotting whatsoever.

NewMummy5July2011 Sun 19-Jun-11 18:55:47

I'm nearly 38 weeks and we've only done it a handful of times since I got pregnant. My libido never really picked up after the first trimester aside from a few times in the middle. There are plenty of other ways we've found to be intimiate that don't involve sex - showering together is brilliant - you can cuddle, wash each other and just feel close. A friend of mine didn't do it once through her whole pregnancy so it's really normal not to want to. I hardly know anyone that did!

I have to admit I do feel guilty sometimes though - he's been hugely understanding but I'll definitely be trying to make up for it after!

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Sun 19-Jun-11 20:13:51

I think it's perfectly normal to go off sex when pg.

But if you want to do it, do! It used to be thought that sex could lead to mc or premature labour. The reason for this is that the hormone oxcytocin is released when we orgasm, and it's this that causes the uterus to contract during labour. So in theory oxytocin kicking around during pregnancy could cause contractions. However, recent studies have shown that it doesn't work like this. The uterus doesn't have active oxytocin receptors until labour is immenant. So no amount of oxytocin prior to this will make the uterus contract. Though as i say it's quite new research and some midwives do still advise pelvic rest (ie no sex) to women in particular risk groups, though maybe this will change as it becomes better understood. I read about this in "adventures in tandem nursing, bf through pg and beyond" as bf releases the same hormone.

I would imagine most spotting (which i think isn't that common...but maybe we're just not doing it!) is caused by dryness due to hormonal changes.

roz1982 Mon 20-Jun-11 11:32:12

I could have written this post! I am 19 weeks and my sex drive has disappeared in a cloud of dust!! I just don't feel like it/don't feel sexy. Feel guilty about it often because husb is missing out but he just has to deal with it; think of all the stuff were having to put up with!! It's no wonder you don't want sex! I also find it quite uncomfortable at the moment to be honest. Its unfortunate but sex just isn't top of the agenda at the moment - saying that I did find myself coming over all you know what on saturday avo, so husb is happy for another few days! Make the most of it dear husb it could be another 2 weeks!!!!! grin

roz1982 Mon 20-Jun-11 11:32:23

or even more...

nunnie Mon 20-Jun-11 11:40:13

I am quite horny and have been with all 3 of my pregnancies, I can't go a week without would prefer more.

I have never had any issues with bleeding or pain etc.

Every pregnancy is different, and where some people get an increase others will get a decrease, suppose the same could be said for every symptom (not saying this is a symptom).

Don't panic if you haven't got a sex drive it isn't uncommon.

Renaissance227 Mon 20-Jun-11 11:49:24

Sorry if I sound stupid but what is a DF?

nunnie Mon 20-Jun-11 11:51:51

Darling Friend I think.

nunnie Mon 20-Jun-11 11:52:44

Or Fiancee. Not sure, I thought I knew but not sure now. Someone else needs to confirm I think.

Renaissance227 Mon 20-Jun-11 12:08:54

In this context I now assume it's dear fiance. Thank you.

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