Should my DH go away working when I am 38 weeks?(6 Posts)
My DH needs to go away working for three days next week, probably Tuesday to Thursday, he'll be at least three hours away from home, I will be 38 weeks on Monday.
He is self employed and this job will be money in the bank, which we could do with. The job won't wait until the baby comes, if he doesn't do it now he'll have to get someone else to do it.
I know that first babies are often way past the EDD but two of the girls at our NCT gave birth at 32 and 35 weeks so I guess I am a little paranoid...I really really don't want him to go - what would you do?
Depends how much you need the money, but how would you cope if he wasn't there and things happened? It is sod's law that something will happen if he's away...
How much other support do you have near to you?
If DH goes, would he be able to run if you did go into labour or would he have to finish the day/job?
I think, if it were me, I'd only be accepting (still not happy) of DH going if I knew I had someone else I could call on to hold my hand and if he'd be able to drop everything and come home asap if needed. First labours are rarely very fast (DD1 arrived faster than the MWs expected, and that was still a 7 hour labour) so there ought to be time for him to get back as long as he can drop and run as soon as you know you're in labour.
But if I didn't have other local support and/or once he's there he's got to stay then I'd probably be saying no.
My dh was commuting weekly (ie, leaving on Mon, coming back Fri) all the way through both pregnancies. And he commuted by train, so between 9pm and 6am he couldn't have got back even if I'd summoned him. He wasn't self-employed, so no way of stopping until birth triggered paternity leave (and I wouldn't have wanted to use up his leave until the baby was actually there anyway). We didn't worry about it - most births take more than 12 hours anyway, I had friends on stand-by to act as stand-in birth partners/childcare for ds1 and it's not as if his absence was going to stop the baby being born. In the end I went into labour gradually through day 1, didn't call him back because I wasn't quite sure it was the real thing, managed on my own overnight and called him once the trains were running in the morning. He still got back a good ten hours before the baby was born.
In my experince its your choice which you need to make based on how comfortable you feel. While pregnant with my 1st, DH went out of the country at the begining of week 37 to return 3 days before I was due. Something i was quite happy for him to do as he loves his job and told him if he missed the birth it was his own fault. He was on tour with a band so it was a different city/country everyday!
What we did have is lots of contingency plans - the tour manager knew closest airport in the counrty and which one int he UK he would come to and that they would pay for a hire car if it wasn't close enough. I had an alternative birth partner on call - in fact she offered to move in for the time but as she only lives 10 mins away we didn't bother. I had finished on my Mat leave so i spent most of my time relaxing and trying to pamper myself. Parents and Inlaws kept finding excuses to visit too (bit of a trek as they all live 2hrs away but their choice).
However DD had other plans and I was induced at 12 days over - DH still nearly missed the birth but that was down to the hospital not calling him back in not to him being miles away
As longs as you happy with your plans you should be fine - just enjoy the peace and quiet as having DH under your feet as you try to nest is not fun!
Thank you for your replies.
We don't have a huge amount of friends locally, having moved away from where we used to live a couple of years ago, so there isn't anyone close by that I would call at 3am if I went into labour - plus I have the added problem of a dog that needs to be walked and taken to the kennels if I go into hospital.
I know I am probably over thinking this - and I know that if I tell him I don't want him to go then this baby isn't going to make an appearance until July!
You have calmed me down a little though so thank you...I shall put my rational head on next time he mentions it...
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