Pink/Blue who knows what you're having?

[glitternanny]

We are having our 20w scan on 1/7.

Had a lot of people surprised and trying to talk us out of finding out what we are having...

It's our first baby.

We've always said we wanted to know, to help us bond a little and practically too, so we know what colour clothes to borrow and cos we want to.

[jasmine51]

Congrats glitter - you do whatever you want and ignore everyone else's opinions! That goes for telling people what flavour it is if you do find out too.
There are many and varied reasons for wanting to know/not wanting to know and its entirely personal.

FWIW my DH and I decided we wanted to know because he said he wanted a DD and was 'bonding' with the idea. We had a discussion about whether he would be disappointed if it was a DS and he admitted it would throw him entirely as he's not experienced with boy babies. We have found out, it is a DS, and over the weeks DH has got his head around it and very defo bonded with the idea..planning camps in the garden, fishing trips etc...all very cute.

Good luck with the scan x

[AxyMum]

I found out what I was having in the face of much objection! But I'm really glad I did because it's been a great bonding experience.

I wanted a girl but was almost certain I was having a boy (because of the number of boys in my family rather than any kind of "feeling") and when they told me it was a boy I felt both elated that I was having a son and gutted that I wasn't having a daughter. It was a very strange experience and one I wasn't really prepared for.

Since then I've found that knowing he's a boy has helped me a lot because I talk to him etc. I just feel like we're bonding all the time and part of that is that I know who he is already.

[lolajane2009]

I don't know why but I always though LO was a boy and hubby thought it was a girl so i wanted to find out. We found out at 20 weeks and it was a boy. i never much cared if people appoved o not and I am not a huge fan of any type of surprise so I'm so happy I found out. it has also helped me get prepared a bit better.

[laurieleigh]

It's our first too and at the beginning we were very adamant that we didn't want to find out.
Like Axymum I was convinced it was going to be a boy - due to the high number of boys in DH's family. Although I would have quite liked a girl, DH has been 'threatening' me with a hoard of boys for so many years I'd got used to the idea.
Our turning point came when my best friend (who's 8 wks ahead of me) found out what she was having and it really got me thinking.
In the end we flipped a coin. I was still in 2 minds so we flipped again (4 more times!) - everytime it came up that we should find out so we decided it was meant to be!
Like you, we had a lot of family, friends and work colleagues who were very anti us finding out.
Like others have said, it has really helped with the bonding, as well as the planning - nursery, clothes, names etc. Plus, my mum, who was totally against us finding out, hasn't been able to stop shopping since!!
Fingers crossed they've actually got it right!

[AxyMum]

Yeah, like laurieleigh I didn't want to find out at first either, but as it got closer to 20weeks I knew I wouldn't be able to wait and DH REALLY wanted to know.

Plus, it was pointed out to me that it's either a surprise when I give birth or it's a surprise when they tell me at 20wks, and I have the rest of his life to experience a whole range of surprises... :p

[howabout]

I found out all 3 times and agree I think it helps with planning and bonding.

I have told other people that we know what we are having but don't want to share with them just in case the scanner has got it wrong.

[Snakeears]

We had exactly the same thing but we were always keen to know the sex and we're pleased we do - also interestingly those who tried to talk us out of finding out the most have been lots more excited since they know we're having a little boy!

Whatever you decide - do what you like.

I thought I'd want to find out then keep it quiet but I've enjoyed saying we're having a little boy so wasn't able to keep my mouth quiet.

[apple99]

We didn't find out first time round. This time dh and dd (now 4) both really wanted to know so we found out at the 20 week scan.

There is no way dd would be able keep it to herself so we have let her tell anyone she wants that she is going to have a sister and we are keeping the name to ourselves so there is at least something to tell people after the birth!!

Do whatever you want to do, many people were surprised we decided to find out this time but it was what felt right for us. To be honest I am still hesitant to buy anything girly in case they got it wrong!

[MsChanandlerBong]

We found out a few weeks ago at our 20 week scan that we are having a dd. Before being pregnant, I always thought I would want to wait to find out, however, since my BFP I found myself more and more keen to find out to help with the bonding process.

For me it hasn't been about pink clothes and nursery decorations, it is purely about the bonding - and it has made me more excited (and definitely not spoiled any surprise!).

We have told anyone that asks that it is a girl, however we are keeping the name under wraps (well we will keep it under wraps just as soon as we decide what it will be!!!)

If other people don't seem to want to know the gender of your baby, maybe you should find out but keep it a secret from them?!

[nurse47]

I too have found out the gender of my second child I didn't with my first and I can honestly say it hasn't made a difference either way It has been a surprise both at the 20 week scan and the birth and the surprises begin when they are born it doesn't matter what gender they are! Also its yours and your DH baby noone elses so you decide, good luck let us know if you do find out!!

[nocake]

The lady next to DW in the post-natal ward was told she was having a girl. Cue lots of pink clothes, pink blankets, pink bedroom.... and she had a boy

By all means ask what sex your baby is (we did) but the sensible plan is to decorate in neutral colours.

[yummymango]

We just found out we are having a girl! We wanted to find out like to you help with bonding and preparing for the arrival, and did so to lots of 'oh, don't you want it to be surprise?'. Well no, I don't actually!
We haven't kept it a secret either. At least if family want to buy us things they know whether it's pink or blue, and my mum is excited because she can start knitting cardigans (!!).
We didn't mind whether it was a boy or a girl but we now know and can start bonding with her and we are both extremely happy that we know.
Lets hope the sonographer was right! ;)

[10isenough]

Just had scan this afternoon and found out 3rd baby is a boy. Good news for husband after 2 girls. I can't understand how people have the resolve to wait until the birth to find out. I'm looking forward to having a binning/dyeing spree. Very useful to have the next 4months to get my head around having a boy.

[PoppysMom]

I had a "feeling" that I was having aboy from quite early on. I strongly bonded with the idea, but wanted to find out, as I didn't want to be thrown when the birth came.

Anyway, turns out I am having a little girl based on yesterday's scan. I am glad I found out, because I was thrown and have had a bit of time so far to settle with the idea and it has been good.
I am only 15 weeks with my first, so if I had kept on going with the planning for a boy, I think it would have taken me longer to get round to the idea.

This way I can now bond with my little daughter and can get really excited to meet her.

[sunface]

oo you're all making me wonder why we didn't find out now!!! Especially 10isenough as this will be our 3rd too after 2 girls and after beginning a minor clear out the other day, I had to stop in mid flow as didn't know whether or not to keep the early baby stuff..... Just out of interest and i know it has no bearing on anything whatsoever 10isenough, are you feeling any different to your last 2 pregnancies? any indicators it was a boy before scan????

[Cattleprod]

Why does it help with bonding if you know the sex? Several people have said this? Maybe someone could explain....

We're not finding out, and didn't last time either. I love the surprise at the birth, and like people having a guess during the pregnancy, trying all sorts of silly gender predictors and old wives tales. I find that a lot more fun than being able to tell people 'Oh, it's a boy/girl'. Also I alternate the sex, so one day I'll think of the bump as a boy, and the next day a girl. To me, it's a bit like squeezing and shaking your Christmas present rather than opening it mid-December.

Plus I'd hate to be given a load of sickly pink frilly stuff if people knew we were having a girl.

[Cattleprod]

nocake I should imagine that's going to be a story that is a source of much embarrassment for that lady's son in years to come - 'Son, your penis was so small that they couldn't find it and thought you were a girl'. Poor boy.

[Scheherezadea]

We're finding out tomorrow TBH i absolutely cannot understand the 'keeping t a suprise' argument. It's no more a suprise than when you find out before the birth, and I think the shock of HAVING A BABY will outweigh whether it is a boy or girl at the birth - I will just be glad it's out and over with! It's not really a 'suprise' either, because you know it's going to be one or the other, it just means that you don't buy pink stuff - and if you don't like pink, then don't buy it,r egardless of whether it's a girl or not!

Cattleprod - knowing if it is a boy or a girl makes it more 'real' - you can definately give IT a name, and stop referring to IT as 'IT'! Little baby Mia sounds more cute than IT. Bonding is also helped for me by using our baby heart monitor, talking/singing to the bump, playing music and feeling all the wriggles. But I suppose maybe some people just have a hard time bonding with bumps and babies? I know someone who was just never able to bond with her kids, and she has 3!

[Scheherezadea]

There is a comedian who made me laugh recently, by saying how she couldn't understand the 'suprise' argument -it's 50/50, you know it's going to be one or the other, the only suprise would be if you gave birth to a baby goat!

[NatzCNL]

We didn't find out with our 2 DD's, but this time round we decided it would be nice to know beforehand, so we could tell our daughters and as another poster said, to have a clear out if this one is a boy. 3 weeks ago at our 20 week scan, the sonographer tried in vain to find out for us, but baby was quite happily (and stubbornly) playing with its umbilical cord between its legs and refused to budge out of the way - !!!

DP was a bit upset we couldn't see as he would love a boy - not that he would be disappointed if it was a girl, but he is begining to feel outnumbered and has on more than a few occassions be subjected to being 'made pretty' by our little princesses.

I loved discovering the sex at the moment of birth, but not objected to finding out before hand. Will be a new experience for us this time around.

Scan again today (close monitoring due to probles in previous pregnancy), so who knows, maybe baby will share a little secret with us still

[NatzCNL]

Scheherezadea - fantastic quote!!!

[ShowOfHands]

Cattleprod, it's one of those things where if you don't find out then you don't understand the logic of those people that do. All sorts of things help people bond and this is just one of them. And bonding isn't the only reason why people find out. There are practical and personal reasons too.

I found out, not because of bonding or being remotely interested in buying certain clothes (we still bought clothes in bright, unisex colours) and we didn't even have a nursery to decorate. For me it was the same as reading up about 'the baby has fingernails now' or 'the baby is covered in vernix' or 'the baby can hear'. It was a piece of information I had access to about the baby inside me and I wanted to know. I don't like surprises much and tbh people waffling on about gender prediction and old wives tales drives me up the flipping wall. Not the fun side but the insistance from certain quarters that it's anything other than a game.

It's something you either want to do or you don't and for your own reasons. I understand why some people like to wait until the birth, but I don't personally want to do it that way.

[PoppysMom]

Cattleprod it helps with bonding because baby isn't an "It". We can choose a name, etc. Obviously, not everyone agrees, but I was expecting it to be a boy, so I am very glad we found out

I hate pink baby stuff and asked the grannies to not buy pink wool . They aren't "pink" people anyway, so there will be nice lilacs as the most "pink" thing.
I don't expect clothes from anyone else, so doubt I'd get too much.

I love green, browns, soft yellows, blues and other pastel colours

[EdwardorEricCantDecide]

get used to it this is just the beginning of people telling you how to parent, just smile and nod along then do what you want, next it'll be your feeding choice type of clothes they're wearing when/how you wean them, childcare discipline etc etc etc

it changes as they get older you just have to learn to ignore.

FWIW i didn't find out with my first and was convinced/excited about having a girl, he came out a boy and i was initially disappointed love him to bits now, i'm pg again and finding out sex tomorrow

[Annie456]

We didn't find out and still don't know and I must say that I'm a bit annoyed at being so stubborn because it means I can't buy anything more than newborn clothes in neutral and can't decorate the nursery...it's a massive inconvenience in that sense. but in the back of my mind I had the knowledge that they don't always get it right and because there wasn't an "absolute" I felt like it wasn't worth knowing and risking it being wrong (which I don't think I could deal with after bonding with one or the other)

I always said to DH that if we did find out, it was on the condition that we booked another scan (privately) to confirm the sex down the line - might be worth considering that.