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"Was it a planned pregnancy?"

(241 Posts)
LuluLozenge Mon 24-Jan-11 10:50:38

Has anyone else been getting this?

I'm 32, have been with my DP for over six very happy years, and we both have good jobs.

I'm a bit taken aback to be asked this all the time - most recently by a friend's new girlfriend I'd met an hour earlier! I always answer politely but I think it's really rude.

Does everyone get this or do I just look like the kind of person who is too disorganised to use contraception?

(It WAS planned, by the way!)

happycamel Mon 24-Jan-11 10:54:08

Lol. I even had this from my boss!!!!

I say "pleasant surprise" now because I don't like the idea of people thinking we were at it like rabbits (we were). Also, the couple of times early on that I did say it was planned I was asked if we'd been trying for ages, which I thought was even more rude.

But no, it's not just you. One woman asked me at work in the coffee queue, I'd never seen her before (800+ people on site), I asked her if she'd planned to get fat grin

jasmine51 Mon 24-Jan-11 10:58:10

Oh yes, get asked that all the time. I am 42 and have been shocked to have that question from family as well as friends. I dont think they mean to be rude, its just an ill considered first response to surprising news. Or they want to make sure we are happy before they know how to react?

LuluLozenge Mon 24-Jan-11 10:58:15

happycamel - I have thought about saying this, too: "I asked her if she'd planned to get fat", or something along those lines, but thought I might get told off for being oversensitive!

catfishes Mon 24-Jan-11 10:58:16

All the slightly insensitive people I know have asked me this too - I just don't answer or say "yes" and they shut up. I would never have thought it would be a weird question until I got pregnant, but somehow it offends me, it's almost like they don't think I should be having a planned child, naturally assume it was a dreadful mistake and somehow have the right to ask me about it.

LuluLozenge Mon 24-Jan-11 10:58:52

(told off by MNers, that is)

CrawlingInMySkin Mon 24-Jan-11 11:05:27

I am scared to tell anyone the barrage of comments I am going to get is really upsetting me sad. My first was a surprise at 17, my second was planned at 21 and I have now had a second surprise at 23, (which is ok we wanted three children and fairly close, so I can go back to study) but people are going to think I am so irresponsible with contraception, or that we are at it like rabbits, I also c (when I was bf and using a diaphram correctly this time) constantly got told to stop at two because I have one of each angry. I am not telling anyone till I am 5 months

TrillianAstra Mon 24-Jan-11 11:07:54

Oh we've talked about me enough, let's chat about your sex life and contraceptive usage shall we?

Eskarina Mon 24-Jan-11 11:12:27

So far it's been my dad and a friend of a similar age to dad at church who have asked that. Dad got short shrift, other chap I didn't know what to say to! But we've not made it generally known yet (scan on Fri!) so I'm expecting more comments of a similar nature. It's hardly surprising. DH and I have been married for 4.5 years, together for over 7, and I've spent the last 2 years doing an MA on top of working full time, now finished, so it's not hard to work out that now might be a good time.
Didn't stop my dad commenting that I'd clearly found something else to keep me busy now the all-consuming studying was over angry

BadRoly Mon 24-Jan-11 11:13:29

I am not pregnant and don't intend to be ever again but I do have 4 children and many have assumed and commented that numbers 3 and 4 were unplanned - all 4 were actually ery planned.

SerenaJoy Mon 24-Jan-11 11:20:46

I've not had this particular question but one colleague did ask how long we'd been trying, which took me by surprise a bit, especially from someone I don't know all that well.

People's boundaries seem to shift when it comes to pregnancy. I'm dreading the moment when the first person touches my bump - I don't think it will be long and I will not be responsible for my actions!

Lizzzombie Mon 24-Jan-11 11:32:36

I think its terribly rude to ask if the pregnancy was planned. It used to shock me when complete strangers asked me this question.

Its on a par with what my sister and brother in law got lots of when they had twins. "oh poor you, twins". For all that person knew they could have been trying to get pregnant for years. It was outrageous!

BrightSideOfLife Mon 24-Jan-11 11:33:39

I hate this comment as well! trillian I used that same response when asked (continually) by my MIL whether when we were planning to have children. Given that it was at a time when we had been trying for a year to get pregnant, it always annoyed me.

I am now pregnant with DC2 and my response to the thoughtless question of 'whether this was planned' (From a few people, including work colleagues that I do NOT know that well) is similar to happycamel

Or I say: 'We had planned a second child, although we hadn't expected it to happen right now....' (Which is the truth!)

LuluLozenge Mon 24-Jan-11 11:33:42

Glad to hear it's not just me.

I've been feeling a bit irritable lately which hasn't helped. Went out on Saturday and (bearing in mind I am only 16 weeks and not showing) people kept touching my belly! I also had to keep steering the conversation away from nappies and breastfeeding.

I DO love that people are interested but am really surprised by the rather intimate questions.

Another person (a colleague) asked me if I was planning any more children - let me get on with this one first, thanks!

stropicana2011 Mon 24-Jan-11 11:36:17

Yes it is rude.

macmama Mon 24-Jan-11 11:36:39

Peoples questions never bothered me.

SickOnMyShoulder Mon 24-Jan-11 11:36:56

My friend with twins was asked by someone at work if they were natural or IVF!

EauRouge Mon 24-Jan-11 11:37:10

I agree, people don't seem to think when it comes to saying things to pregnant women. I've had 'was it planned or unwanted' hmm and when I announced DC2 was on the way I had someone say 'about time', she obviously didn't stop to think that maybe DH and I had been trying for ages angry

If we ever have number 3 then I fully expect the 'was this one an accident' and 'have you found out what's causing it' comments.

FanellaFidge Mon 24-Jan-11 11:37:12

It's rude...especially when it's strangers/someone you barely know. Essentially they are asking about you're sex life.

LPO Mon 24-Jan-11 11:37:14

I was 20 when fell pregnant and got asked on an hourly basis!

Our DS is the 'best accident in the world'!!!!

BrightSideOfLife Mon 24-Jan-11 11:38:45

lizz What an awful comment to make about 'Poor you, twins!'

i had exactly the same thing at work, when my previous boss found out she was pregnant with twins. I knew that she had been trying to fall pregnant for about 5 years and had multiple losses - so (healthy) twins was GREAT news for her. Every time someone made stupid 'Poor You, twins' comments I would have to bite my tongue and restrain myself from leaping across my desk and thumping them! (The offender - not the twins grin )

MissLolita Mon 24-Jan-11 11:39:58

It is rude but people seem to ask me all the time - eve complete strangers!

I've taken to replying "well, we were aware of the consequences of our actions". I know it's sarcastic but I can't help myself.

BottleOfRum Mon 24-Jan-11 11:40:23

My sister is 24, and her little girl is 6. One of the mum's said at the school gates "Im guessing your little one must have been an accident then?". When my sister told me about this woman, I was fuming!! Some people just have no idea of appropriateness!

pipplin Mon 24-Jan-11 11:41:05

I think it is rude. Is it not enough to say congratulations anymore?
I was also asked at work whether mine were natural.
It is rude to insult my intelligence I can look after my sexual health.

imme Mon 24-Jan-11 11:41:15

When I told my boss that I was pregnant his first reaction was 'Oh Jesus' and then 'Have you been trying for a long time?'.
I did not know what to say and eventually managed an 'Err, not that long actually'.

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