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so nervous!

(9 Posts)
csemum Fri 14-Jan-11 09:12:40

I am new to mumsnet but wanted to write today to see if anyone has any words of wisdom to help quell my nerves. I am 38 weeks pregnant and I am terrified about motherhood. I have felt so fed up during this last month that I am worried this feelings won't 'lift' when the baby is born. Also, I am finding all the 'suggested reading' really daunting and I'm scared I'll miss out the important advice on breastfeeding or sleep routines.
Not sleeping and currently the nervous feeling is booting out the excitement I felt a few months ago.
Any advice?

PipPipPip Fri 14-Jan-11 09:54:50

Bless you. I can't really pass on any advice (I'm pregnant with my first) but I think what you're feeling is natural, and that it'll all be fine eventually.

Have you ever heard that quote "many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness"?

As in, perhaps some of your anxieties stem from simply being exhausted.

And perhaps sharing some of your anxieties (on Mumsnet, or in a journal, or with a friend, family member, midwife or partner) might help. As they say, "a burden shared is a burden halved".

What about taking a week off from reading? I was reading a daunting book about parenthood, so I just took a week off from it. It is still on the bookshelf if I need it.

I'm sure you'll be okay. Just take it one step at a time. You've made it this far...

AKMD Fri 14-Jan-11 09:58:46

Hi, welcome to mumsnet! First thing I would say is don't stress too much about getting things exactly 'right'. The truth is that every baby is different and what one book might say is 'best' for babies might not necessarily suit your baby or you and will almost certainly be contradicted by another book. As long as the baby is having enough to eat, is clean and loved then it will be fine and you will find out very quickly what suits you and your family best.

With breastfeeding, make sure you are getting your information from reputable sources as there are all sorts of myths about it and it’s very easy to get confused. It’s definitely worth going to the antenatal class on breastfeeding if your NHS trust offers one as you will also find out what support is available after you’ve had the baby. If they don’t offer one or if you’ve missed it, ask your midwife about any drop-in breastfeeding clinics in your area and go along to talk it through with the infant feeding coordinator or specialist midwife who runs it. They will be more than happy to see you and glad that you asked before you had the baby.

Sleep routines – like you I read a lot before DS was born and has decided that I would go with the Gina Ford model. I spent hours transferring her routines onto colour-coded spreadsheets for quick reference  Strict routines work for some babies but I found that it just didn’t suit me or DS, especially as I wanted to get out and about during the day rather than spend all my time at home! I found it really useful to have a bedtime routine in the evening, even when DS was a newborn, just to begin teaching him the difference between night and day. Other than that, I pretty much winged it DS was a tiny, early, sleepy baby and if he wanted to sleep, it would take an earthquake to wake him up!

Feeling nervous is natural but it would definitely be worth talking through how you’re feeling with your midwife. She will be able to reassure you and also be able to screen you for antenatal depression. I had antenatal depression, which was promptly followed post-natal depression, and I wish I had been more honest with my midwife about how I felt before I had DS as there is so much help available and I wouldn’t have had to go through a hideous few months.

Good luck!

csemum Fri 14-Jan-11 11:12:46

Thank you so much... Even seeing two answers on the thread was such a boost! It's lovely to think that there are other people out there! In both cases, your advice was excellent. I've put my scary American book about baby sleep back on the shelf and I'm going to do some reading for MY brain development instead!

Thanks again!

ethelina Fri 14-Jan-11 11:26:09

Read anything nice you want to now, you wont get through much once babe is here, and not because you have no time, but because your concentration disappears. smile
Throw the handbooks to one side til you see what sort of baby you have. I personally think that if you are a routine-led person you will benefit from one, but if not then most people just wing it until babe finds their own routine.
First weeks for me were all about doing whats needed when its asked for, so feed when they ask, change when they're stinky, sleep when they sleep etc. I found my Boy grew into his own routine more or less which suited me as I cant be arsed with timings for everything. A bedtime developed of its own accord at about 6-7 weeks, before that he was with us and slept wherever he was until we put him in his crib.

Dont sweat the small stuff, just enjoy getting to know each other.

And eat lots of chocolate (the chocolate will save you, believe me)

PrincessScrumpy Fri 14-Jan-11 11:31:35

I always said my baby wasn't a text book one and clearly hadn't read them as she always bucked the trends from birth onwards.

DD was so well planned, I had read everything, yet was completely lost when she was born. Day 3 my family gp popped round (village gp) and I burst into tears and told him we'd done everything we shouldn't. He asked what I meant and then laughed when I said "We gave her a dummy and tried to hold it in as she wouldn't take it. We were so tired, we pulled her into bed with us." He said: "Excellent, the text books are being ignored so now you can get on with using you instincts and being a parent!"

You'll be fine and any questions you can post on mn then choose the advice that suits you and your baby. xx

balena Fri 14-Jan-11 12:09:04

Hi csemum

I am 35 weeks pregnant and sympathise with your anxieties.

Luckily I feel too braindead to read any parenting books. The most important take-home message I got from antenatal classes is that babies who are responded to and cared for when they cry are more likely to be settled eventually – they get the message that the world isn't so bad because someone will come if they are upset. I am not expecting a routine for the first few weeks – don't be hard on yourself if everything seems chaotic. I know some people swear by establishing a routine early, but it is only one style of parenting.

If you struggle with breastfeeding don't forget that that is fairly common and there are people who can help you. You will get support on breastfeeding from your heath visitor and there are also organisations such as the NCT, La Leche League and Association of Breastfeeding Mothers which have helplines.

I am also feeling pretty fed up with the physical difficulties of being pregnant – you are not alone! Are you looking forward to those being out of the way? I can't wait to be able to sleep in any goddam position I want!

csemum Fri 14-Jan-11 14:34:52

Dear Balena,
Eughhhhh... you are SO right about the physical pains of pregnancy. I can't wait to be able to stretch, sleep on my back, carry something heavy without feeling guilty... I'm almost looking forward to labour so that I can sweat and do something strenuous without feeling guilty!

balena Fri 14-Jan-11 14:55:07

>so that I can sweat and do something strenuous without feeling guilty!


... and stop worrying about what I'm putting in my body – the other day I accidentally ate some greaseproof paper and worried about it for hours in case it was toxic!

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