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Work dilemma

(11 Posts)
secretis Fri 31-Dec-10 12:38:36

I was wondering if anyone had any experience with hiding/denying pregnancy from work collegues?

I am a temp worker and am planning on finishing my current post at around the 6 month mark. There is no need for my work or agency to know about the pregnancy as I do not qualify for any maternity leave or benefits.

I dont know any of my collegues personally and would prefer them to not know about the pregnancy at all. I dont want all the questions and congratulations that would come after an announcement, these would make me feel uncomfortable. I am a very private person and like to keep keep work separate from my personal life.

I have had no sickness and am planning on wearing loose layers to camoflage my growing bump.

The only thing I am worried about is if people will come out and actually ask me if I am pregnant? I have never asked anyone this, even if they are obviously pregnant as I think it is too rude and too personal to ask.

Do people acutally ask women is they are pregnant before they are told?

allnightlong Fri 31-Dec-10 12:48:09

Few people would be so bold to ask someone out right if their pregnant.
I've heard of many women who have done it basically by clever clothing and showing no symptoms at work.

SpannerPants Fri 31-Dec-10 12:49:32

2 of my colleagues asked me if I was pregnant before I'd told anyone. I was only 6 weeks and hadn't had any nausea by this point and was just feeling a bit tired. I have no idea how they guessed - they said I just looked pregnant?

I guess it depends on the type of people you work with, if they don't usually take much interest in colleagues personal lives then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I guess if people ask you you could just look embarrassed and say you've just put a bit of weight on - then hopefully they'll be embarrassed and will stop talking about it?

secretis Fri 31-Dec-10 13:00:27

Thanks that makes me feel better. It is my first so am hoping I stay smallish.

Dont know how good I would be at denying an outright question, so hopefully it wont come to that. I would feel guilty about an outright lie. Maybe say something like 'Thats an unusual question" if I could manage saying that.

Petalouda Fri 31-Dec-10 13:01:13

I'm a teacher and though I told people in my department, I haven't gone up to anyone else and told them (seems weird to do that). No one's come straight out and asked me - although a lot of people know anyway (good old grapevine! And there's really no hiding it anymore!).

Weirdly, I was almost 'outed' by the kids very early on. At 11 weeks, and in the first week back at school, a whole class of yr8's started asking me. I was gobsmacked, denied everything and quickly came back with "are you calling me fat?!" in a jokey way.

I didn't think I was showing that much. I was amazed they could tell.

So beware of the under 16s! They don't care who they offend!

Petalouda Fri 31-Dec-10 13:04:16

Oh, and I'm useless at fibbing. A fortnight later when the kids asked again I gave in and spilled the beans, apologising profusely.

I had to lie to a couple of very good friends in the summer, it was really early days and we were at another friend's wedding, so that seemed ok. (Again, huge apologies later on. All forgiven though, babies do that to people!)

secretis Fri 31-Dec-10 13:07:32

Maybe I could manage the 'fat' comeback! Especially after the Christmas and all the cold weather we're having the extra weight could be a good excuse.

Will just save the apologies for if I bump into them at a later stage whilst pushing a buggy!

MumNWLondon Fri 31-Dec-10 13:14:42

I waited until 25 weeks each time (around 6.5 months) thats when you HAVE to say if you are entitled to maternity leave.

In the first pregnancy no one suspected at all. They were all really surprised, I kept it a secret as I'd just started and didn't want to tell my boss until after 6 month probabation.

In the 2nd pregnancy, one women thought maybe but she never said anything.

In 3rd pregnancy was at different job, and although one colleague thought I'd put on a bit of weight he didn't suspect I was pregnant.

I will say that all three times I didn't actually have a bump until around 28 weeks. I just looked fat. Practise holding in your stomach muscles - do it the whole time!!!!!

happycamel Fri 31-Dec-10 13:20:02

Don't see why you couldn't give it a go. I was asked by a couple of colleagues - oddly they were men, but were fathers and just said that they could tell by looking at me. I was a delicate shade of grey/green though!

Only think you might want to consider, and it really depends on your line of work, but legally they have to do a risk assessment for you. So by not telling them you wouldn't have any comeback if they asked you to do heavy lifting or long drives or whatever.

Also, I'm six months now with my first and there's no denying my bump. It's huge! I can't do my coat up and "big" clothes just wouldn't cover it. Also, I can't help making the odd suprised noise if baby kicks me in the bladder. Oh, and I've gone up 4 bra sizes too!

Georgimama Fri 31-Dec-10 13:21:04

It's impossible to tell if you will be able to get away with it until 24+ weeks; you certainly don't have to make any big announcements.

You may qualify for maternity allowance if you aren't entitled to SMP, by the way.

secretis Fri 31-Dec-10 13:23:37

Thanks that makes me feel so much better!!

Will start practicing holding in stomach now!

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