Does a second child mean huge changes?(10 Posts)
Have found out today I am a couple of weeks pregnant and it has come as a huge shock. I'm 24 with a fifteen month old ds, engaged to a wonderful man, we both work, he owns our home (although it needs work e.t.c. and we are not yet married so have things we need to save for which a new baby would put on hold) and I also understand that having another child would be A LOT more work. I know that I would struggle to go through with an abortion and I believe we were both at least considering another child at some point, just not yet. What I'm really asking is, how much did a second child change your life and in what ways? I think I'm still too much in shock to make a decision yet so this is more of a fact-finding mission than anything else!
Was at the same point as you when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. We had all but decided just to have one child and the pregnancy was an accident. After a lot of soul searching we decided to go for it and have the baby. Has been a bit of a rollercoaster for us as DD has some special needs as a result of her birth. A second child has therefore been a huge deal for us both financially and mentally. However, just seeing how well the kids now get on with each other is enough for me to know it was the right thing to do!
Good luck with your decision SparkleRat.
I'm expecting my second (24 wks) and I still worry about it. Obviously it will be alright in the end, but with one child I know I can afford for him to go to nursery and I can work. (Me and my partner both work part time and share childcare). With 2 children it doesn't really pay to work with the childcare costs. However I think I will have to for my own sanity!!!
In my experience, a second child changes your life far less than the first child does. I was far more relaxed with my second and third dses than with ds1, and I had learned the corners I could cut, and these enabled me to cope with the extra work of a second child.
Good luck, SparkleRat.
It doesn't make your life any easier and to start with you don't seem to have any 'you' time at all, but it is a whole lot less stressful than first time round. You know what you are doing a bit more and you know that babyhood flies by and that even if it does get a bit tough some days, it doesn't last forever. I find I need to be a bit more organised around the house than before otherwise it gets into a real mess and I am tired at the end of the day, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
Is there anything you are specifically worried about changing that hasn't first time round ?
Its fine. You realise the 2nd time around how easy it was the first time round! And yet it does actually seem ok.... You will be less stressed at the newness of it all and in the beginning the baby sleeps alot and as time passes your new little one will slot right in. I am 8 weeks pregnant with a surprise number 3 and i'm a bit worried but in families everyone just shuffles over to make room (in all senses if you know what I mean) and when they play together its the best.
Good luck x
The big change for me was that when I had one child I continued to work, paying for childcare, but when the second came along it swung the balance in favour of becoming a SAHM, which is what I did.
But the general "baby-raising", as most people have said, is easier.
Thanks for everybody's replies; nobody has said anything too awful which I'm glad of!
I'm thinking along similar lines re: childcare. It is just about worth my while working with one child in crèche but two would mean some changes. I think I would struggle not working at all as after my son I suffered with anxiety and ended up returning to work earlier than I intended just to get back into a routine! Part time is feasible though, luckily my employers are quite flexible.
Practically, it must be much harder to go on the food shop/ meet family for lunch e.t.c. with two under threes in tow! And the financial aspect although probably not too noticeable at the baby stage, must sting a bit as they get older!
From a v v selfish pov I am also worried about the effect on my relationship as we are only now starting to have time for each other and do grown up things again (going out for drinks in the evening e.t.c.) and also about the effect on my body. Am just starting to feel good about myself physically again after losing the dreaded "mummy tummy" and I keep being told the second time is far harder on your body. I feel a little bit sad about losing the figure I have only just recovered as I am enjoying having my body back to myself, as it were!
These reasons don't seem anywhere near enough to not consider progressing with it and I know I we are in a far better position than a lot of new parents, I just can't seem to feel happy about it, if that makes sense?
It's much less of an emotional upheaval, and you'll probably find your second baby much easier to handle, but in organisational terms it is really difficult.
Part of it is just the difference between having a little baby (between the ages of 2 and, say, 12 months), who will (ideally) go anywhere with you, stay exactly where they're put, never be bored, and sleep for hours at a time, and a toddler, who is much more full on, and has to be kept away from disaster all the time. Looking after both of them simultaneously can be horrific (though also a joy).
I think there are many positives to having two children relatively close together. I was in a similar position to you when we had DS. We had a positive test just a couple of days before we got married (DD was 15 months at the time and I was 22). The age gap between him and DD is just under two years. I haven't worked much as childcare costs mean it isn't really worthwhile. When I did work it was only for a few hours a week and my Mum looked after DS, DD had her free nursery place.
I don't think my life has really changed that much tbh. DS likes to do whatever DD is doing so we still go to all the same places. We still eat out occasionally, and there are double trolleys at the supermarket :-) if anything it can be easier at times as they entertain each other, before DD started school I used to get a fair amount of time to myself as they would often go off and play together and declare that I wasn't allowed to join in! Whereas some people I know with only one child have to play/entertain them ALL the time! Also with your second you are much more confident in what you're doing and also more used to the tiredness so it isn't such a shock as the first time round. I didn't find it any harder to loose the baby weight second time round either.
I would never say that it can be horrific to look after both of them, loud - yes, but not horrific.
Having said all of that, you really need to do what is best for yourself and your family. Take your time, and talk it through with you DF.
DD is now 4, DS is 2 and we have another due in May!
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