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Newbie, GP appointment as a potential older mum, what shall I ask?

(14 Posts)
nicole333 Thu 16-Dec-10 13:36:19

Hi everyone. I've been reading the forums for a few weeks, but only registered today.

I'm forty and have finally experienced the irristable urge to start a family. There's no point in dwelling on my age, but we have made an appointment with my others half's lovely male GP for later this afternoon, to discuss our concerns and get some facts on the risks.

I've read up on what to expect from this appointment in terms of health assessment etc, but what do you suggest I ask?

What things do you wish you'd asked?

I know I'm going to come home and wish I'd asked so much more, but my head is already full of stuff!!

I want to feel happy that we are looking at heading down this road. Right now, it feels scarey. Hoping I'll feel better after our appointment.

Thanks for any ideas you can give us

expatinscotland Thu 16-Dec-10 13:41:28

I think here, if you're not experiencing any problems like irregular or painful periods and don't have any major health problems or history of major health problems, all the GP will tell you is to go for it and take vitamins.

Even women over 40 aren't treated as high-risk unless they develop a problem in pregnancy.

happycamel Thu 16-Dec-10 14:01:37

I agree. You just have to give it a bash, you may get pregnant with no problems (remember that even perfectly healthy women take up to a year to do so) and be fine. They won't bother monitoring you until it's gone a year and/or you've had multiple miscarriages.

Even once you're pregnant it's all fairly light-touch until you're 24 weeks because until then the baby wouldn't survive any way so there's no point getting over-excited about it. They'd just monitor you enough to make sure you're safe (blood pressure, not got GD etc) and scan baby in case it has a disability.

Chill, this isn't an exam and you can't revise for it. Just relax and give it a go. Oh, and bear in mind that risks and probabilities are just that - statistics - things might be totally different for you.

LunaticFringe Thu 16-Dec-10 14:12:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicole333 Thu 16-Dec-10 15:30:43

Thankyou all for your thoughts and suggestions. Not long to go now and I'm getting quite nervous. I think it's just because I don't really know what to expect.

I've just spent a long time reading a thread that's very, very sad. I can't remember the title, something about fabulous and feisty! It seems very supportive on here. I guess I'm looking for answers to my head full of questions.

To be honest, I'm bricking it. Scared of failure, scared of something not going right, scared of what it would feel like to have something growing inside me! Absolutely terrified of childbirth....There, it's all out!

LunaticFringe Thu 16-Dec-10 15:37:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Thu 16-Dec-10 15:38:47

There are no answers, you just have to go for it!

nicole333 Thu 16-Dec-10 20:02:46

Well, it didn't really do much to make me feel any better. In fact I came away feelng more down than when we went in!

I'd normalised the risks involving any abnormalities by reading all the lovely stories on here, by other mothers around my age or older. Going to the GP has just put all of that to the front of my mind again confused

As for my fears of being terrified of everything else, I felt fobbed off. It's upsetting because he really is a good GP and we chose to see him.

I guess I just wanted someone to really talk to and be able to put the fears to bed.

expatinscotland Thu 16-Dec-10 20:32:47

'I guess I just wanted someone to really talk to and be able to put the fears to bed.'

They can't though, nicole sad.

They have to deal in stats and facts.

It's a leap of faith no matter what your age.

I had my first at 32 and she has special needs (I have two subsequent children who do not).

Probably better off chatting to people in the fab forties thread.

But there are no guarantees, no matter what your age.

That's part of having a child. It's not having a baby it's bring a child into the world, IYKWIM.

LunaticFringe Thu 16-Dec-10 20:45:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Thu 16-Dec-10 20:52:23

And the child becomes an adult, who may or may not be very different from you.

Oh, there's a million

s sets of worries as they grow, too.

It's just part of it all.

And there's no one to make it all better or put fears to bed.

It's a very adult thing in that respect.

And, emotionally, you'll never get back what you put in. Ever.

Again, that's part of it all.

You get through the pregnancy and childbirth okay and BAM! Another set of worries crops up. Over and over.

That's just how it is.

expatinscotland Thu 16-Dec-10 20:56:40

Also, what is normal and what is abnormal?

Just by having a child, my notion of what was abnormal was challenged, crushed.

I have a very dear friend, who in her 20s had a child who is severely autistic. Life took a different course for them. There's no test for this condition and none for my daughter's learning disabilities. Or many other 'abnormalities'.

I love how she puts her life, something like, she's glad he's here because otherwise she'd have probably been a crashing snob.

LunaticFringe Thu 16-Dec-10 21:09:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicole333 Fri 17-Dec-10 10:23:09


I think I can be my own worst enemy at times. I was looking to be able to normalise things and have a similar outlook to most others, rather than my own over the top worrying way of looking at things!

I understand it is a leap of faith, I need to feel able to jump, which is what I'm struggling with. Everything after the giving birth I accept as part of having kids and will cross the bridges when it comes to it.
I didn't mean to come across in an insensitive way regarding any child that has special needs. It's just this seems to be the main thing that gets associated with being older...It's only a part of it for me. I'm scared of all of it!

Maybe I'll introduce myself in the other thread. smile

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