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Did your pregnancy bring you and your partner closer together or did the opposite happen?

(4 Posts)
Kiki84 Sun 12-Dec-10 19:58:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarmiteMagic Sun 12-Dec-10 20:56:57

Hi Kiki

Both really at different times. Sometimes DP would be very attentive and caring towards me in a way that he usually isn't. I'm quite independent and determined and although I don't need DP to look after me, sometimes it would be nice if he at least acted like he wanted to. And sometimes when I was pregnant he did, especially towards the end.

But we also had some horrendous times which made me question what the hell I'd done getting pregnant by him since he would now be in my life forever, even if we split up. Which looked fairly likely at some points.

But we did get through it - after a few long, sometimes painful, discussions.
I think some of it is hormones, and some is natural because your whole life situation is changing. And there is also the added pressure trying to be the perfect image of the expectant couple the media bombards us with.

But I would recommend you talk to him and try and resolve as much as you can before the baby arrives since sleep deprivation does nothing good for already fraying tempers and fractured relationships.

I don't know the exact circumstances, but I think ups and downs in your relationship whilst you're pregnant are normal. But I'm not sure things will just go back to normal
-in my case it required quite a lot of work, but we did get there.

There is hope chick

lucybrad Sun 12-Dec-10 21:01:12

further apart. Lack of sex, him going off my new shape, hormonal arguements, and me feeling like i could do with more of a hand all made things much worse this pregnancy.

Was ok first one though.

kellestar Sun 12-Dec-10 22:16:11

Lots of ups and downs are part of a healthy relationship, talking about what has got yours/his hackles up helps. We are also expecting our first after being together 14 years and living together for 7.

He can be a complete thoughtless g*t, no idea of what I am going through, or how awkward I feel asking for help as I am an independant person and don't trust/rely on other people.

He is a mummy's boy and is also in the process of taking over the family business. That's probably the biggest cause of arguments at the moment, as it's ridiculous hours and his family are pushing him hard. His family are also really annoyingly snobby and look down on me quite alot.

Sex was a problem, but only because he didn't want to pressurise me thinking that now I'm expecting I wouldn't want him near me. Where as I was having to ask for it. A misunderstanding that was resolved, but he is still a little freaked out as bump tends to wiggle about excitedly and it's too bizarre for him.

If I ask for his help, he somehow feels it's acceptable that he then pass this help request on to someone else, usually the last person I would ask for help. Typically my MiL who likes to make me feel like a complete moron. Something as simple as 'could you take the hoover upstairs' turns into MiL hoovering at the crack of dawn as he let her in while I was still asleep. I am pregnant and capable of doing these things.

I have found that my hormones have actually balanced out a bit, only the last few weeks have I been up and down.

A relationship is always going to need work to be strong, as we both get on each others wick. There are things I do that irritate the hell out of him. But there are so many good things about our relationship but it can be hard to remember those when we are miffed and arguing.

Talking is good [sometimes it verges on shouting] but it really helps, half the time he's not aware of the problem or reason I'm miffed. And he can often manage to dig a deeper hole when he's annoyed with me and gets my hackles straight up.

We've made time to ourselves each week as we've come to the end of the pregnancy, where we usually go out for a meal, or have a snuggly evening in and we talk about things, especially how we both expect things to be post-birth as his expectations are different to mine. Like visitors, roles and what he expects me to do and what I expect him to do.

There are black spots in our relationship that I know will always be a sore subject. Holidays is one thing that's been a problem for 14 years and will continue to be one. But I am still working on it

I know babies/children can change the dynamic, but hopefully if you both bond well with LO you should be in for much more support from him. Make some time now to talk before LO arrives, and try to arrange some 'me' time for you to spend apart from each other to relax/chill out.

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