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not bonded with unborn baby

(13 Posts)
spaceangel1382 Tue 07-Dec-10 10:29:07

I dont feel like I have bonded with my now overdue baby. Im really worried I will feel this way when he/she is born. Everyone is so exited about the iminate birth but I just cant imagin how things will be once born. Will my feelings change once the little one arrives? I really really hope so.

sethstarkaddersmum Tue 07-Dec-10 10:32:45

they might change the moment you look into its eyes.
Or it might take a while, days or weeks or months. I wouldn't sweat it - a lot of women don't bond instantly but it comes later. Please don't worry.
(sitting here next to my passionately adored ds1 who I was quite indifferent to for the first few months smile)

spaceangel1382 Tue 07-Dec-10 10:34:36

Thank you Seth! I mean that x

sfxmum Tue 07-Dec-10 10:37:25

take your time you still have to give birth

I am sure now you have worries concerns anxieties excitement etc so give it time, make sure you take it easy when the baby is here, spend time with baby, not stressing and it will come eventually

just to put it in perspective when my much wanted baby arrived I had a wave of panic, followed by some baby blues but it all settled fine

don't worry

notnowbernard Tue 07-Dec-10 10:38:29

Good luck smile

I agree with Seth, too

I didn't feel 'bonded' during pg either... not in a sad or worried way, but just in an 'I don't even know what you are and have yet to even set eyes on you' way

spaceangel1382 Tue 07-Dec-10 15:12:21

yeah thats how I feel notnow, just glad to hear im not a bad mum before I even start

TheBreastmilksOnMe Tue 07-Dec-10 15:16:48

Don't worry, it's hard to 'bond' with an abstract notion. I found that I didn't really feel anything towards DS1 during pregnancy but fell totally in love with him a few days after he was born. I am pregnant with DC2 now and I feel more towards her then I ever felt whilst I was pregnant with DS as I know what I am getting and how much I adore DS and how much I love newborns. It's perfectly normal and natural.

kathyb1 Tue 07-Dec-10 15:20:37

i really wanted my baby, but i still thought of her as a bit Alien when she was wriggling inside - wierd!

I really lurve her now - remember you are in it for the long haul, so pace yerself!

By the way, there's nothing like watching other mum's going completely bananas over their sprog - who might have a somewhat limited appeal to you! - to make you feel better.

HappyAsASandboy Tue 07-Dec-10 16:12:22

I didn't really 'bond' with my babies prior to their birth. I was concerned for their welfare, tried to eat the right things, protected them from bumps etc, but it all seemed rather academic, and I don't think I really accepted that there were babies in there. Even the many NHS 2-D scans and a private 3-D scan didn't make it seem like there were baboes in there - the babies were on the screen, not in my belly!

Now I have two beautiful babies, both of whom I have most definately bonded with. It is an unbelievable feeling. I don't associate them with my pregnancy though. Pregnancy was something I once did (and looking at pregnant photos, it feels like I did it years ago despite my babies being 7 weeks old), babies is something I am doing now, but the two things are in no way related confused

I am sure things will work out fine once your baby arrives. Enjoy pregnancy for what it is and leave bonding with the baby for when the baby arrives smile

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, the birth, and most of all with life with your new baby smile

PolarMummy Tue 07-Dec-10 21:58:17

spaceangel, I never felt bonded with either of my DC while I was pregnant with them, and especially with number 1 people kept asking if I was excited and I used to reply "oh yes very" but actually I wasn't really just felt I should say it!

But once they were born it was a different story it wasn't immediate with number 1 it did take a little while, she is now 3 and I am totally in love with her but like other people have said I dont associate either of them with my pregnancies.

So dont worry about it, just relax and try and enjoy getting to know your new baby

PipPipPip Tue 07-Dec-10 22:18:01

SpaceAngel it might take days, weeks or months. Babies are just people after all. Just relax and don't be too hard on yourself x

Iwasthefourthwiseman Tue 07-Dec-10 22:26:45

'I don't associate them with my pregnancy though'

Completely agree with this. I didn't bond at all with my babies during pg. Quite like them now though wink

MiniMousse Tue 07-Dec-10 22:31:23

completely normal. just wait till they arrive. It can be instant or can take a few days, weeks or months, but it WILL happen.

For me it was the instant my dd was born, she looked at me, I looked at her and WHOOOOOSH! That was IT. Instant love - the biggest, most amazing love I have ever known... and it grows and grows every single day. Its amazing.

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