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Has anyone else felt the same?

(7 Posts)
AmyJane84 Tue 30-Nov-10 00:36:04

Hi,

I'm new to MN, only joined yesterday when I found out I was pregnant. I'm 26 in a loving relationship, I have the room for a baby, a decent job which will allow a good maternity leave package and parents literally around the corner. Even though I dreamed i'd be married before having children, I understand life doesn't work like that. I'm scared and excited, my partner is excited and we are both letting the news sink in. There was no question about what whether we would keep the baby or not.

All I have done the last 2 days is worry. first because I know my sister is ttc at the moment along with some colleagues from work. A few weeks ago I opened my stupid mouth and said to these colleagues that I wasn't going to have a baby for a few years and worried I could even get pregnant, now I have to go in and tell them at some stage I am and to make matters worse it wasn't planned. I feel guilty that it has happened so easily for me, I don't know why.

I've realised life won't be the same again, no weekends away at a drop of a hat, or going out randomly on a sat pm and getting drunk. Christmas parties are going to be a nightmare, i'm usually the one encouraging others to drink more. I was suppose to go on a hen weekend in Barcelona in May but i've had to cancel it pretending it was on Docs orders I couldn't fly for 6-8months (god knows what the girl organising thinks). And thats only the immediate future.

I know this sounds like a rant but I haven't told anyone yet for obvious reasons and I needed to get this off my chest (to someone other than my partner). I have a Docs appoint tomorrow so i'll gete more info then.
I don't feel pregnant, just tired.

Has anyone else felt like this?

broccolitrees Tue 30-Nov-10 07:28:12

hi

congratulations!
it sounds like now is a good time to have a baby for yourselves which is the most important thingsmile no, life will never be the same again, but at the risk of sounding corny, it changes for the better! it is hard work and it isn't all giggles and gurgles, but it is so worthwhile.

with regards to other people, at my most heartless, so what? i say that as someone who struggles to conceive for years and watched nearly every other colleague and friend fall pregnant in that time, sometimes more than once. other people's lives don't stop because someone else has or hasn't got what you want. it will be hard for them, especially your sister and you are close. But, they will all get over it, and if they are worth anything they will be happy for you. it's unfortunate that you made a statement about not having children, but only because that is where you were at at the time and now you're circumstances have changed in a way you couldn't predict.

for what it's worth, lots of people say they don't want/can't have children, when they are taking a while to conceive because it is easier to deal with when people ask that overly personal question about when you are having any. eg recently i said to a very close friend, "i doubt we will have any more... i will probably fall really quickly now and look like a tit for saying that" i was pregnant at the time but didn't know it yetgrin

it isn't unusual to feel completely overwhelmed by the situation. that may be the case even if you had been trying for years! you have a lot of hormones reeking havoc around your body and emotions, so give yourself time to get used to the idea, look after yourself and enjoy yours and your partners secret before you tell anyone else smile

GretnaGirl Tue 30-Nov-10 11:08:08

Hi Amyjane and congratulations! I had a slightly similar situation when I found out I was pregnant, although planned it happened immediately and my best friend had recently had her 4th miscarriage - I was dreading the call to tell her my news as the week before she had asked if we were planning anymore kids and I had lied and said not yet as I didn't want anyone knowing we were trying in case it took ages! She was fantastic and took my news really well, she has taken a huge interest in how I'm feeling and scan's etc... and hasn't once made me feel like I can't talk about it in front of her. Good luck telling your sister but I'm sure she will be happy for you.
Life does't end when you become a Mum, it just changes! IMO children enhance life so much and you experience all sorts of new things. And if your parents are close by then your social life can continue too (although with a bit more planning!!)

AmyJane84 Tue 30-Nov-10 11:55:17

Thank you for your reassuring words. I do know all of this deep down but it's just all very overwhelming. I'm going to try and put this to the side and look forward to whats happening.

GretnaGirl Tue 30-Nov-10 12:01:36

Beware the pregnancy hormones!!! It's a huge thing to go through in life however happy you are about it, just keep talking to your partner and parents, accept all help that is offered and look after yourself. x

toadmum Tue 30-Nov-10 12:31:42

Hi, I felt the same when I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago (I have gone on to miscarry). I was really worried about telling family (married for a few years - we have been together a few years but not married) who are going through initial fertility treatment and was guilty that it had happened so quick. But I came round to thinking that you have to think about yourself and your own family and not worry about what they have or haven't. Its a shame but you can't just wait for them to start a family until you have to. If you are ready now and its sounds like you both are just go for it!

I wish you lots and lots of luck xx

Miffster Tue 30-Nov-10 12:45:53

I felt very like you describe when I was first pg, even though I am older than you and had wanted to be pregnant for aaaaaaaages. You are dealing with unexpected, life-changing news, and pg hormones, and it is NORMAL to feel a bit bowled over/wobbly/weepy - and yes, scared as well as excited. I was pleased, but I also cried with sheer panic and was sad about what would never be the same.

It is also normal to have a little grieve for all the things that you perceive you have 'lost' - spontaneous weekends away, jolly boozy Christmas parties etc - even though you will drink again and you will have celebrations again.

When first pregnant, I think, because you don't know what it will be like for you, it is sometimes easier to look at what you are giving up/not going to have/what has changed from your 'old normal' rather than look forward at what is coming, because it is pretty unimaginable.

Am about 2 weeks away now from having my first baby, and after what feels like almost a year of being pregnant I have got used to being pregnant, but having a baby still feels theoretical and unimaginable.

I expect when he is born it will be hard to remember what being pregnant was like. A small part of me is now scared and excited and a bit panicky about what life will be like with the baby on the outside, needing constant atttention, rather than on the inside, part of me. And about what will happen when my husband and I are no longer two, but three.

Anyway, just wanted to say that you have my sympathies and you are perfectly normal and it's a hell of a journey but do enjoy it - it's such a special time and it's not forever, it's just an [amazing] almost-year of your life.

Good luck!

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