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Please give me a reason to stop stressing

(16 Posts)
speffles Mon 29-Nov-10 16:39:43

Sorry about this - am being very needy - I blame the hormones.

I got pregnant for the first time a few months back but miscarried at around 7/8 weeks. I'm pretty sure I don't have to go into too much detail here about how that felt.

We wanted to sart trying again straight away but expected a bit of a wait for anything to happen. As it turns out I'm pregnant again just two months later and I'm freaking out. It has hit me very hard that I have no reason to believe this pregnancy will turn out any better than the last one. Since taking the test I have spent all my days waiting for something to go wrong and I think that I need some sensible advice about calming down.

My husband is over the moon about it and I can see that my worrying is upsetting him - he wants me to be able to enjoy this (although he does understand).

Has anyone here been through this before? It would be great to hear some stories with happy endings ;)

wigglesrock Mon 29-Nov-10 16:52:10

Haven't been there myself but my best friend was in exactly the same situation as you and her baby girl is now a beautiful 6 month old grin. I am 29 weeks with my 3rd and have panicked every day that something was going to go wrong, I'm still blaming the hormones grin

Prinpo Mon 29-Nov-10 17:00:11

Speffles, you're definitely not alone with this one. I had 2 mcs last year and am now 7 weeks with DC3. When I found out I was pregnant this time I felt an immediate surge of panic and was convinced that I was about to miscarry at any given moment. I worried when I went to the loo, I worried at every little twinge, you name it. I'm sure I don't have to explain sad.

I think the first thing to do is to relax about worrying. You can't stop it, it's perfectly natural so just accept that you're going to worry. You're bound to. You've had a horrible experience and you recognise that there are no guarantees this time round. You'd be mad not to worry.

What helped me was to use simple relaxation techniques like sitting quietly and repeatedly counting my breaths up to 4. It sounds like nothing but just the act of sitting quietly and calmly helped me to feel as though I was doing something positive for the baby and for me. I've also really splashed out on good food so I feel as though I'm eating the best possible diet. Again, it feels like a positive thing that I can do.

There's simply no way of knowing whether this pregnancy will work out well. Sorry to be blunt, but you're obviously not stupid. However, the chances are that it will. Overwhelmingly, the chances are that it will. You can't prepare yourself for a loss so don't try to shut off from positive feelings. Enjoy it, get DH to wait on you and pander to your whims, read pregnancy mags...

Sorry if that all sounds a bit meandering (pregnancy brain) but I didn't want to offer platitudes. I hope that your pregnancy all goes well.

RunDMC Mon 29-Nov-10 17:00:58

Hi, I can relate - got pregnant also for the first time in April and had a mmc at 10 weeks in July. Didn't feel like trying again for a couple of months and then bingo, it happened this month and I'm now 5+6.

I know what you mean about thinking there's no reason why this time it will be any different - but equally, there's also no reason why you won't go on to have a completely normal pregnancy.

Weirdly I feel quite calm about it and a bit like what will be will be if you know what I mean. I'm sure that will change as I get closer towards my scan date (we've booked one for when I'm 9 weeks) but at the moment it seems like weeks away and I'm telling myself it would be too stressful to spend all that time worrying about it.

Working for now but who knows how long it will last ?

emma31177 Mon 29-Nov-10 17:06:12

hi its goin to be hard i cant lie to u i lost two babies early this year but now am 22 weeks pregnant and am still worrying every day that somthing is going to go wrong.
but it has got better after the scan thats am starting to think hey this little boy is coming in march and no stopping him.

just keep thinking if it ment to be it will be

i wish you luck and hope everything turns out ok for and please try not to worry to much take every day as it comes and stay strong

MizK Mon 29-Nov-10 17:12:28

If this helps, I had a mmc earlier this year and I'm now 29 weeks pregnant with a healthy wriggly baby! (Who I'm convinced kicks me extra hard to reassure me he's still there!) Just try to get through the next few weeks because your first scan will put your mind at rest and you will feel more able to relax and allow yourself to look forward to your baby.
I found myself almost convincing DP and myself that I would miscarry again and thank goodness I was wrong, I totally understand how hard it is not to feel utterly petrified that the same thing will happen again but please try not to worry yourself too much.

glitterjo Mon 29-Nov-10 17:13:54

Hi speffles,

Really sorry to hear about your mc.

I have a reason to help you stop stressing - I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant with a baby conceived about 10 weeks after a miscarriage last year.

It has been hard sometimes, and I sobbed my heart out at our 12 week scan as I just couldn't believe it.

I can believe it now though (getting kicked in the ribs as I type...). Really hope it all goes well for you and you can relax a bit - not easy, I know.

SparkleSoiree Mon 29-Nov-10 17:16:33

Not experienced a miscarriage but a friend of mine miscarried a few days before christmas then fell pregnant not long after and her little boy is nearly 2!

Every pregnancy is different. Try and stay focused on the positive things like normal pregnancy symptoms and planning for the future!

I know it must be difficult after such a harrowing experience but keep positive!

JoEW Mon 29-Nov-10 17:28:43

Good luck speffles. I had a MC at 9 weeks in May this year and am now 20 weeks pregnant. Just because you've miscarried before doesn't mean that you will again, the chances are that this pregnancy will be absolutely fine. There's nothing you can do really except sit it out and try to be as calm as possible. The first 12 weeks of this pregnancy DRAGGED for me and I had some bleeding at 8 weeks and was convinced it was all over again, luckily a false alarm. I won't lie, it's going to be like time is dragging for a few more weeks but remember the chances are on your side. Loads of luck and fingers crossed it's good news all the way. You are certainly not alone in having experienced this.

xMrsSx Mon 29-Nov-10 17:33:46

I miscarried at about 7 weeks, then got pregnant about 4 months later and I am currently bouncing my 4 week old DS in his bouncy chair! grin Good luck and congrats!

japhrimel Mon 29-Nov-10 17:46:25

I'd book a private scan for 8 or 9 weeks. After 2 early MCs, I couldn't enjoy this pregnancy at all until I had an okay scan and TBH was still really nervous until the 20 week scan.

I'm now 37+5 weeks pregnant!

Srse Mon 29-Nov-10 18:47:18

hi there
i had exactly the same situation, I had a mc at 8 weeks in late May and fell pregnant within weeks after the D+C. To be honest I was shocked and even upset as the thoughts of going through it again so soon was just too much to bear. I went for a scan at 7 weeks this time and there was a heartbeat but still the wait until 12 week scan was a horrible one.If I had my time over again I would do a private scan to have that reassurance.
I'm approaching my 20 week scan next week so im still anxious but hoping my expanding belly is a good sign.
Good luck - the mw told me there was absolutely no reason why it would happen again so try and stay positive and book that early scan!!

LadyGoneGaga Mon 29-Nov-10 20:09:21


Just to let you know I'm in the same boat. I mc'ed at 7 weeks in Sept and now 5+4. It is really scary and doesn't seem really at the moment. I've booked an early scan at 8 weeks which will hopefully reassure me.

If you looks at the stats the odds are in your favour. If you've only miscarried once you have no more chance than someone who has never miscarried of having another one. It is really hard though and you will analyse every single twinge as I am doing the same.

Good luck!

speffles Mon 29-Nov-10 22:03:46

Thank you everyone. It really helps to hear from people who understand. Especially everyone with happy endings!
You are all right and I am going to do my best to relax and stop over analysing. Sorry it took so long to reply - I haven't been able to get near a computer all evening.

Good luck and congrats to you all!

Magen Tue 30-Nov-10 06:42:05

I live in the U.S and it is standard procedure to get a scan at 6-8 weeks to check for a heartbeat. Once that is detected the odds for mc drop dramatically. So I would get a scan at that time to help put your mind at ease sooner. The fear never really goes away once you have had a mc, but seeing and hearing a heartbeat helps.

jellyhead188 Tue 30-Nov-10 11:39:37

Hi - I've been through this twice, its so hard to be happy about the next pregnancy when the last one ended badly, I think its a self defense mechanism to stop you getting your hopes up. Between my two children I had a missed m/c didn't know till I was 7/8 weeks, had to have a D&C etc. I fell pg again fairly quickly (within 3 months) and I panicked the whole way through because I was convinced all would end badly even though I was horrendously sick the whole first trimester! At the 12 weeks scan I was so convinced the baby had died I literally couldn't see anything till my hubby pointed out a wriggly bean and a beating heart.

This time, I m/c twice in a row, once at nearly 6 weeks and once was a chemical pregnancy (ie 4ish weeks), when I fell again, I had practically no symptoms and again worried to the point of making myself ill - my DH is like yours looks on the positive thinks there's no reason to be pesimistic etc and I am now 18 weeks.

If you can get an early scan that will help to reassure you - I had a scan at 7 weeks where we saw a heartbeat and that really did help to reassure me that things were going well. I really hope all works out for you, I do really know how you feel. xxx

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