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Sex life is over

(21 Posts)
RoxyLady Tue 09-Nov-10 10:50:58

Now Im 28 weeks we never have sex and when we start it just doesnt feel right.
We want to have sex but both of us feel weird about it with the baby inside.
Anyone else gone through this?

angels1 Tue 09-Nov-10 10:58:08

<nervous laugh emoticon> blush we've had practically no action since my bfp. It's mainly as I have no interest and am too sick/tired/have thrush all the time. DH mentioned it very nicely over the week end (think he's getting rather desperate now!) so we tried some proper nookie last night but after half an hour or so just gave up (DH's face went from like christmas had come early to dissapointment when every time we tried anything I kept cringing and yelping in discomfort - think everything is just a bit swollen down there). To me I just don't want to and it feels wrong (very hard to explain and know it's silly), but DH doesn't get this, so quite tricky. Poor DH - I spent the whole 1st trimester telling him my book said I would be gagging all through second trimester, but it never happened and I think we both feel a little cheated!

RoxyLady Tue 09-Nov-10 10:59:46

I am gagging for it but as soon as we try its just not the same fire as it used to be. We both end up laughing hysterically or just looking at eachother in frustration.

BeautifulBlondePineapple Tue 09-Nov-10 11:00:00

I've never felt quite "right" having sex when pregnant (this is my 3rd pregnancy). Neither of us have enjoyed it as much and basically each time our sex life has ground to a halt.

It didn't end with the pregnancy though - it was the same when I was breastfeeding. I just felt that my body wasn't my own.

DH missed it more than me, but I was always happy to help him out IKYWIM.

As long as you're both happy then I don't see a problem. We've always got back on it afterwards and it's actually been better than before grin

angels1 Tue 09-Nov-10 11:02:03

roxylady whenever I do feel up for action and we do try (like last night) we have a siilar thing - it just doesn't really quite work out confused

jemsy87 Tue 09-Nov-10 11:47:08

I must say I felt like this about a week or so ago< woudl do it but not enjoy it as much as we used to....feelign uncomfortable and completely unsexy.....then I had my hair done, it made me feel so much better in myself and more confident ( even though I knows my dp found me sexy still god knows how!) anyway hay presto sex life is now better than ever I am practically a tiger theses day sorry for the tmi!
My advice pamper yourself and you might feel like it !!
Good luck xx

minimuffy Tue 09-Nov-10 12:43:01

alot of the following is TMI, i apologise in advance....

the only time i went off sex was at the start when i had HG and when i was too tired etc... we have had sex a few times, but currently hubby has been avoiding me like the plague! i was in tears last week as i thought he didnt love me/find me attractive etc and had the crazy hormonal thought that given the chance at my sisters wedding last sat that he would cheat on me with one of the bridesmaids (crzy crazy pregnncy thought, hubby is the most faithful man ever). last night he finally admitted that the thought of sex currently freaks him out and that the baby will know what we're up to. i've ressured him that it won't hurt the baby etc, but he just cant seem to put the thought out his head!- not helped by the fact that while we were having this conversation in bed baby was going mental in my tummy!

think i my have to resign myself to the fact that i will not have sex again until after baby is born . which is pish, i want me sum!!!

AllBellyandBoobs Tue 09-Nov-10 13:14:28

My DP is the same, just feels a bit freaked out by the thought of someone being in close proximity I'm also currently classed as a high risk pregnancy which has put worries into both our minds. I think the main thing is to talk about it and make sure neither of you is feeling neglected/frustrated! We're currently not having much intercourse but we're still doing other stuff which is just as enjoyable.

I imagine that will stop once my boobs start leaking though, he's already expressed concerns about that stage. I didn't tell him that one of them already has ever so slightly

Lauz87 Tue 09-Nov-10 13:24:38

I'm full of sympathy, my sex drive has stayed on top form the whole way through (38 weeks now), but my DH feels it would be like having someone else in the room. Cue unattractive paranoia

knittakid Tue 09-Nov-10 17:30:52

As somebody pointed out, sex can be in many different ways, and I currently feel that it's important to keep up to date with each other's opinions and emotions; also cannot see how to go back to a 'normal' sex life after birth if we have totally stopped. Something that never fails with my DH is if I say that I want it quite emphatically, but of course you cannot fake that...

Another issue is that of it being actually good for you, unless you are high risk of course. Apparently regular intercourse, specially towards the end of the preg. helps bring on labour at the right time. I guess this is where just doing it at the very end to try and kick-start labot does not always work, it must have been happening for a while perhaps?

elk4baby Tue 09-Nov-10 18:14:17

We've gone through this too... I won't go into detail.
But, as it happened sex was completely off the table after the birth. The times we tried, it was just soo painful for me (for no apparent reason - even my OB/GYN couldn't say what was the reason). This lasted for a good 7-8months .
In hindsight, I think we should've tried a bit more often while I was still pregnant, so the dry spell wouldn't be so long.

That's what I'm trying to do now; and what I found is that, to my surprise, sometimes 'apetite comes during the meal'... IYKWIM.

NurseSunshine Tue 09-Nov-10 20:21:04

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I feel guilty as hell but I just DO NOT WANT SEX. DP is being very lovely and not pushing me but I don't know how he will last if it goes on all pregnancy (am 10weeks now) and for months after birth. Think he will leave me

Ineedsomesleep Tue 09-Nov-10 20:25:47

RoxyLady thought you might find this useful.

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kitten30 Wed 10-Nov-10 12:41:06

angels1 my situation quite similar in that I was sick for the first 17 weeks but told DH to expect a horny demanding wife in the second trimester..never happened..at 30 weeks I felt sorry for him as we had only had sex once since bfp so we did it and then I ended up with horrific braxton hicks and was in hospital wit preterm labour scare..needless to say he hasnt been allowed near since and I said when I hit 38 weeks and baby is full term we can then...but now SPD is too bad for me to even attempt it. Poor DH..lol.

angels1 Wed 10-Nov-10 12:47:25

hmm kitten you've scared me now as whenever I, ahem, orgasm, since gettin pg, I get a really odd unpleasant feeling in my tummy - the whole tummy goes hard and contracts, baby goes a bit mad and I feel like it's all wrong and get scared. I wonder if this is a common thing or not... hmm

kitten30 Wed 10-Nov-10 12:52:58

totally normal, it causes contractions if your orgasm and the tummy goes rock hard, that is okay if it then goes but for me this happened and then it kept happening and we had sex in the morning and by say six that evening I was having contractions every five or six mins which were really quite painful. Turns out I have waht they term 'an irritable uterus'. I have had painful BH's ever since.

Andie20521 Wed 10-Nov-10 15:40:37

Like Kitten I have had painful BH since about 25 weeks, so was advised to not have any fun!

Which was fine, as I got bigger DH kept saying it would be too weird with his "Daughter" in the way.

Now I am 38+5 and really missing the intimacy, and when I got upset the other night (Woke up choking yet again) DH comforted me and one thing led to another...Not full sex but it was so great! But I guess now I'm not worried about starting labour off etc so I can relax more.

Whatever you feel is right, so I wouldn't worry.

Emsyboo Wed 10-Nov-10 16:41:57

I am 31 weeks and been off sex for the whole pregnancy first with sickness and tiredness then was having problems with my mood, was hoping apetite would return in second trimester but then got SPD so the thought of sex seems painful, now I'm tired again and so big I can't get comfortable!
Poor DH is gagging for it I try to do things for him and he is trying to be supportive but it is hard and we both miss the closeness. It is his birthday tonight so going to try something even if it is not all the way hopefully like elk4baby experienced it may return but with SPD I doubt it. Just hope I don't get an experience like kitten30 or poor DH will be traumatised!

vmcd28 Wed 10-Nov-10 18:04:00

I'm 38 weeks - we havent had sex once since finding out. blush

I had 2 MCs, so was nervous to try this time, then I had spotting for first trimester, so abstained for a few more weeks, just in case. Then as soon as I felt the baby moving, it just felt WRONG!! Dont get me wrong, I get quite horny sometimes, but just not interested in actual sex...!

kitten30 Wed 10-Nov-10 18:26:26

Oh I love this thread..I thought I was the only one who had practically been a nun for eight months!

minimuffy Wed 10-Nov-10 19:45:43

but has anybody been up for it when their partner hasn't and managed to find a way to seduce him? i've tried everything. i need laid. bad! confused

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