Feeling a bit fed up and can't stop the tears today.

[Julezboo]

I just need to get it out. I am 26 weeks pregnant now. After 7mc's so I feel like I should be a bit more greatful. My hyperemesis started in week 3. That was 23 weeks ago. By week 9 I was vomiting 30+ times daily and spent a week in hospital through dehydration.

By week 16 I managed on 3 cyclizine a day to get the vomiting to 2 or 3 times a day, started to feel preg rather than ill and actually managed to get out of bed most days.

Week 18 the heartburn n reflux reared ugly heads and I am back to vomiting lots daily. Have been waking at 4am most nights with burning in the back of my throat which makes me feel sick so not managing to get back to sleep for hours. Then the day starts at 7.

Today I am havin a particularly hard day. I started vomiting at 4am and it hasn't let up and I'm now headachy and feel weak and the tears just keep coming. I need to pull myself together to pick up DS1 from afterschool club soon.

I am booked in for section at 38 wks so I still have 12 weeks of this left. How am I going to cope? I have two boys already and I feel like such a shit mum to them since I got preg.

I am also on tablets for reflux which I take about 3pm so I can actually go to bed with out it. But I can only take one a day.

I am high risk due to blood clotting disorder, previous. PROM at 30 with ds2 and previous PE at 28 wks with ds1. Plus I have a split uterus.

I feel like my body cannot do what its meant to. I am sad this will be our last baby and I am so scared he is will be born early. I am 2 wks away from the scary 28 wks now and my anxiety is building up already.

I do have my bags packed ready but I am fed up of being a horrible grumpy mare or miserable and exhausted.

I have mw appt fri and cons appt and scan on the 18th.

Sorry its so long, not even sure what I'm asking tbh. Its helped getting it all down h
:)

[Rocklover]

Aww Julez how awful for you, you have all my sympathy. If it's any consolation I have been crying like a baby for most of the day and I am nowhere near as ill as you!

I am suffering from constant, severe nausea and I'm emetophobic so I'm basically anxious all the time which makes it all much harder. I am 28 weeks pregnant and have been feeling sick since I found out I was pregnant at just over 4 wks gone.

You are sooo much braver than me and I can tell you now that you are certainly not a shit Mum. Even getting your boys to and from school is a major achievement, so please don't be mean to yourself.

When your boys are back from school, just let them watch some tv and make sure you get loads of rest. I really hope you feel better soon, no-one should have to cope with feeling so ill.

[Julezboo]

Thanks rocklover. Sorry you are feeling crap too£ I have to go get DH straight from getting eldest boy. I have youngest with me. We are parked up and he is watching toy story. Just could face going home to messy house on my own with him. Least DH can take over soon

[Julezboo]

awake again and sick :(

[mumatron]

julez you are doing so well my love. you have come so far in this pg.

of course you are greatful for getting and staying pg, but that doesn't mean you can't feel down about the crap parts sometimes.

and as for feeling bad about the boys, please don't! your a fab mum and will soon be back to normal.

12 weeks really isn't long in the grand scheme of things

can sympathise with the heartburn though, have never had it so bad before

was just about to pop over the buns thread, haven't had a catch up for a while.

try and get some sleep

[Julezboo]

thanks mumatron

I fell back asleep at 6am and woke up at 7am and threw up everywhere. Poor DH got a fright. I think i may possibly have a touch of antenatal depression. I will mention it MW on friday.

I just drained and exhausted and ache all over...

[Brokenbits]

Julez You are, without question, one of the strongest women I 'know'. It's hardly surprising that you feel this way. 9 months is a hell of a long time to feel so awful and that isn't counting the stress of TTC beforehand. I wouldn't be remotely surprised if you have a touch of depression from the way you are feeling, regardless of the pregnancy. It's bad enough to be high risk, but to suffer this level of sickness on top of 'the fear' is just awful.

I totally understand why you feel like a bad Mum, but stop that thought right there. Most people in your situation would be hiring a full-time nanny and going to bed - or hospital!

Even the easiest of pregnancies make normal everyday life hard at times, but you have really been through the mill with this and I'm certain that you will feel so much better - both physically and mentally when the baby is here. You couldn't be getting less sleep if you tried. Hugs. I know it's hard to bear and no one can say anything to make it better, but we'll be here to hold your hand through those last few weeks.

Is there any chance you could stop trying to be superwoman for a bit and get someone to help with the kids while you spend a day in bed?

[Julezboo]

Thanks Broken.

The boys are in school all day so I dont have to worry about anyone but me in the day. I have spoken to DH today (by email) and he said he will speak to his mum about picking the boys up tomorrow.

It just seems to be one thing after another and naturally because Im the stay at home parent and DH works full time its down to me to sort out.

I really am not superwoman, most days alls I do is drop DH at work and the boys at school, then home again, then collect them again from about 3:30pm.

Its the lack of sleep thats getting me down I think, makes everything so much harder to deal with. I am going to bed around 9pm and tbh even that is getting earlier lately! Im weirded out by the changes in my body also. I dont know where this has come from, its the 3rd time growing a baby FGS but i sobbed the other day for a whole hour over my nipples and the ONE stretch mark which has appearred. I dont remember the nipples thing from last time and didnt get any stretch marks either. I just feel HUGE and uncofortable all th sodding time, as well as being hunched over sick bowl most of the day from 4am onwards, its exhausting.

I will be seeing consultant on the 18th, I am going to ask them for a date for my section then, I know its early but I think it will help having something to aim for.

Thanks again Broken (and everyone else) I need to go get the boys now and me some chicken to cheer me up. I will pop over to RCM thread later on this evening and update properly.

(Sorry you are still having such a shitty time broken)

[stillfrazzled]

Dammit sorry Julez, accidentally put the above on wrong thread. Have asked for it to be removed as makes no sense here and you don't need to read it twice...

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Julez you poor thing. I'm 20 weeks with DC2, I ache, have dreadful heartburn already and I'm being a vile Mum to poor DS (2.4) atm and keep bursting into tears.

I have actually given myself a little talking to after reading your OP, because I have nothing to complain about!

You are doing brilliantly to even be getting your boys to school and back again, I take my hat off to you.

Hope you are doing ok this evening.