HELP!! Just got a positive result and DD is only 4 months. I need some positives from anyone with experience.(67 Posts)
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Well the above says it all.
I really can't believe it, have done a test this morning and DD is only just 4 months old. Aaaah!!
My head is spinning and I cannot think straight.
I need anyone with experience of this to help me make sense of what's going on and tell me that it will all be ok!!
DH is completely supportive and actually quite happy about it all. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm going into freefall.
Get a twin maclaren - they're
not too big to get outside the house everyday comfortably
They'll be really close.
It will be hard at first, but it does have its benefits I hear.
5 months between our eldest two. I got as much help as we could get (paid & unpaid). Just a cleaner for a couple of hours a week made a MASSIVE difference.
Its fab now.
And think about the woman who was in the bed next to me at hospital at birth of our second born......I was really confused about the relationship between her and a couple of visitors so I asked.....turns out she got pregnant 11 DAYS after birth of her 3rd child.....thats right eleven days. I was so !!!!!!
I conceived DS2 when DS1 was 5 months old (I did not realise until I was 16 weeks gone and he was born at 31 weeks, so I only had 15 weeks of getting used to the idea. The boys are 1 year and 10 days apart) and there is no denying that the first year or 2 were at times hard. Now, however, they are v close (aged 7 and 6), are great playmates and evenly matched when fighting .
DS3 and DS4 are the more conventional 2 years apart and I have acutally found looking after a new baby and an insane active toddler at least as hard or harder as looking after what is effectively a big baby and a small baby IYKWIM.
BTW I had an Out'n'About DoubleNipper and loved it. Still use it now sometimes with the younger 2.
Thanks for the messages!
I guess at the moment I'm freaking out about other people's potential reactions which I know is ridiculous.
Plus, I can't get my head around going back to work after maternity leave only to leave again shortly after.
My middle 2 have a 14 month and 2 day age gap, absolutely love it developmentally they are close in age and seem to play together much sooner than say a 2 year gap. No jealousy issues after the first 3 days.
You do need a double pushchair though!
Thanks pacific, x posted.
I think I'll be fine, just going to need a few days to get my head around this!
Feel a bit foolish that our lovely silver cross pram is not going to be much use when DC2 arrives!
And what I should have added is that its actually not as hard as you might imagine, IMO. Honestly. Don't be afriad to ask for help. Especially from husband.
Every child I've had has been easier just cos you are so experienced. And so much more chilled.
I had no experience of children b4 the first. So every cry, or illness or sleepness night was a major thing.....panic stations all round.
Second time around you realise they don't break easily. If they cry and you don't get there straight away they are not going to be permanently damaged.
If found my kids health books the other day. DD1 was weighted weekly, DDS weighed monthly, DDS3 weighed once at birth and once at age 4.
I have 11.5 months between my two. The first year or so was exhausting (they didn't sleep well and we had zero help).
Now, however, it is a breeze and has been since they were probably 2 and 3. They are 5 and 6 and play wonderfully together. They enjoy the same things and adore each other. They are a delight.
You will be fine.
I think I'm only just getting used to the idea that I'm a mummy to one DC! Let alone two!
I just feel like a silly teenage girl as this was definitely not planned and I can't believe how stupid we've been!
5 months here too. It really is ok. Hard work, really hard work, but babies are. Helps that they are both boys so they now go off to activities together, share friends.
I would not have done it any other way.
I was exactly the same.
You'll also get some annoying/unhelpful comments, mostly a few sniggers and amazement that you were having sex again soon after the birth of dc1. Just smile sweetly and ignore.
I told people I wanted mine close together (which was true) and that I was thrilled to bits. It's hard for someone to piss on your bonfire if you say you are thrilled and it was planned.
Thank you ohforfoxsake
Did any of you experience negative reactions from other people or indeed your employer?
I am going to adopt that approach colourful. Shan't be letting on that this was unplanned!
I'm sure I will be thrilled in a few days too but not quite there yet!
Not my experience, but that of a couple of friends -
First year = bloody hard work, get all the help that you can (cleaner, family to take out eldest etc.) and have very relaxed attitudes to anything else (housework in particular!).
Second year = still very hard work running around after two mobile toddlers, but much easier than the first year.
Third year = suddenly actually easier than a traditional 2 or 3 year gap, as they start to play together and become really good company for each other.
Don't expect too much of yourself. It will take you a while to get used to the idea, perhaps even the whole pregnancy as it did for me.
It will be hard in the short term but it will get so much better and in the longer term will actually be easier.
SiverCross pram will come in useful as alternative baby bed for DC2 to sleep in in the garden, in the kitchen or wherever ...
I had no help either (no family on either side and husband working 80+ hours) and counted myself lucky that DS1 could walk/stand by the time DS2 came home. A cleaner for 2hrs/wk kept us from drowning in our own filth - I would heartily recommend that if you can at all afford it.
I struggled with the idea that DS1 would have to be a 'big brother' so young and would have to give up being 'the baby' so soon. These concern now seem quite silly to me, but it really bothered me at the time and much as we had planned to have another asap (just did not think it would happen that quickly), felt vaguely guilty for quite a while.
You've only just done the test, let it sink in for a while, get your scan done and you will get used to the idea, honest!
Remember how quickly you can then put the nappies/burping/sleepless nights/colic side of things behind you .
Re negative remarks: I got none, but had the piss taken quite a lot - 'Do you not own a TV?' 'Have you considered installing central heating?'
Yes, we have hilarious friends. .
Thanks again pacific that really helps.
Guilt is something Im feeling too. I almost feel like I'm denying DD her time as a baby and having undivided attention from me and DH.
Oh, and you get silly comments from everyone anyway, unless you have a boy, followed by a girl exactly two years later, and then stop. Actually, I'm such that even then some idiots manange to find some way that you've done it "wrong".
<note the voice of experience here as everyone consoled my DH for the tragedy of having a wife who only produced girls >
You know, people always have something to say about everything. How soon it is, how many children you decide to have, the names you give them. You have to ignore them and keep smiling!
One thing I was surprised at was that, overnight, dc1 turned into a great big hulking toddler next to his newborn brother. And I felt terribly guilty that I'd somehow taken away his babyhood. I hadn't, but I wasn't prepared for the guilt, and I think this impacted on my bonding with dc2 in the early days. Bit premature to mention it to you now, but hope it will help you in those early days.
I am going to have to develop a thick skin as I'm sure plenty of piss taking is on the way.
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