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My midwife lacks basic people skills

(9 Posts)
LittleMsH Thu 04-Nov-10 15:19:33

Hello there,

Just wanted a rant about my midwife. She's perfectly compentent but she doesn't seem to realise that mums-to-be have feelings.

It started when I called her about the results of my 12 week scan (suggestive of a bicornuate uterus) and OVER THE PHONE in a 6 minute chat she breezily told me, without having seen the scan or the notes, that I probably wouldn't carry the baby to term, it would probably be breech and I would probably have to have a C-section.

Today, when I asked her tentatively about options for birth, she said "well of course you can't have a home birth" and when I mentioned a birthing centre, just to check, she looked at me like I was an idiot and said "they are for low risk women. You're high risk and might bleed a lot so you can't go to one of those."

Erm, ok, thanks, that's nice. I find her manner really upsetting, actually. A few neighbours have the same midwife and similar experiences. Sigh. Why did I hold 'The Midwife' up as this mythical, kind figure who would be a support in every way...!

Rant over. Emotional today.

daisystone Thu 04-Nov-10 15:26:38

I felt like this with my midwife. It took some getting used to her no nonsense, brusque manner. I have seen other midwives and doctors during my pregnancy and realise that they they are all very different! Unfortunately, I got the one who tuts and sighs alot!

Carry on asking all the questions that you need to and don't be embarrassed or intimidated. If you are finding her particularly difficult to deal with, you can ask to see another midwife. Don't put up with her if you can't bear her and feel that she is silencing you.

CocoPopsAddict Thu 04-Nov-10 15:35:20

I think that some medical professionals see us as patients with potential problems, rather than real human beings. And they are so used to dealing with these issues and discussing them with work colleagues that they forget how important these things are to us an individuals. Ask to see another midwife instead!

wigglesrock Thu 04-Nov-10 16:07:15

On a plus note, midwives that can seem brusque, no-nonsense, headmistressish(!), are usually bloody brillant in the delivery suite, nothing will entice you do push that baby out more than that slightly overbearing midwife grin

Ineedsomesleep Thu 04-Nov-10 17:00:38

Can understand perfectly why you need to rant. We've had a fair share of this sort of thing too including being told the sex of DC1 at a 32 week growth scan when we'd said we didn't want to know.

So why are you high risk LittleMsH? Is it the bicornuate uterus?

LittleMsH Fri 05-Nov-10 18:08:46

Thanks everyone. I'm not sure I can swap as she's the only one at my local surgery. A plus (well, maybe) is I'll only see her all the way through, which, if I can cope with her manner, is good for continuity of care I guess.

Ineedsomesleep yup, the bicornuate uterus (though this is only 'suggestive' at this stage).

It does feel good to vent though!

BagofHolly Fri 05-Nov-10 23:42:44

You can request another MW even if there's only one at your surgery as she'll be part of a bigger team. I asked for a different one as I have no idea why my mw bothered to train. Perhaps traffic warden school was full that week? wink
When I first went to her, when pregnant with my son, (after IVF) she said "I usually only deal with women who got pregnant in the normal way."angry
She also seemed to crumble under ANY questioning at all - eg she dipped my urine and I had 3 consecutive positive glucose readings. I asked her at what point she referred for further investigation adn she said she didn't, she'd wait for the hospital to pick it up, and if I was really bothered, she would cut off the bit of the urine stick relating to glucose! HOW THICK!!!
She told me I was high risk again and again and again, just cos it was IVF (that's bollicks, incidentally) and said the same thing this time when I went to book in. She kept me waiting over an hour and then said she had other patients to see! I complained and got her lovely colleague who said "I pick up a few of her patients, she doesn't see any of mine!" grin

muslimah28 Sat 06-Nov-10 22:56:15

i had a nasty midwife on postnatal ward (where i was antenatally) i mentioned her to the other lovely midwives (all the others i saw were nice) and they all said 'some people are just in the wrong job'!! they all knew what she was like, and one mw said to me 'yes there's not many people who haven't had a run in with xx'

she was supposed to put in my third pessary for induction and i refused, it's a horrible procedure as it is without getting a nasty horrible person doing it. they got another mw to do it, and she still had to my monitoring but that was less intrusive.

i would suggest you change if you're not happy.

flower24 Sun 07-Nov-10 19:30:26

Hi there, I was browsing through posts and when I came across yours I was amazed at how similar an experience I had to you.
I was told on 12wk scan I had a suspected bicornuate or sub-septate uterus. Midwife was really crap and said similar things e.g. that baby could come early but didnt explain or answer any of my questions. Despite this she still assessed me low risk and took no further action. I got terribly worried and in the end paid a fortune to see a private consultant and have another scan. Turns out he couldn't see a problem with my uterus and wondered whether the sonographer had mistook a bit of my (very full) bladder for a bit of uterus!
Thing is, he also explained that a bicornuate uterus would be unlikely to cause problems anyway. Chances of it affecting the pregnancy would be minimal. The problems the midwife mentioned can be caused by a bicornuate uterus but consultant said they are rare. Midwife obviously only knew minimal information and had no real understanding about the condition. I'm not being awful but it made me realise how midwives aren't doctors and thers a lot they don't know. you cant blindly trust them to know what they're on about.
I'm so glad I saw the consultant and got accurate information- I would have spent the whole pregnancy worrying because of what the midwife said. I'm now 36 wks and have had a problem free pregnancy.
After all this, when I made a complaint about the whole thing, I was told I could have been referred to a consultant on the NHS (but of course the midwife hadn't told me this). So if I were you I would try to speak to someone with more knowledge on the matter and they'll probably put your mind at rest. Don't put up with inadequate care, it can ruin what should be a lovely time.
Hope all goes well for you

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