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Says she doesn't need to go then wees in her clothes EVERY TIME! HELP!

(25 Posts)
numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:23:37

DD2 is 2 yrs 8 mths old. We have been potty training for 5 days and every time she needs the loo (or poo) she just goes in her clothes and then tells me she's wet and needs changing.

I ask her if she needs to go and she always says no. She doesn't like to sit on the toilet or the potty. I've read to her while she's sat on it, but she just wriggles about and in the end she gets down and within 5 mins has wet herself.

Every time, I just say "Next time, try to remember to use the potty or the toilet", which is pointless because she's quite aware that she should, she just doesn't want to.

I've tried bribing with chocolate buttons but it seems she just doesn't think it's worth it. Any tips?

Acanthus Wed 21-Oct-09 11:26:21

You don't ask them at this stage. You just sit them on the potty every hour or so, then gradually increase the gaps. None of them know when they need to go at first!

numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:29:15

If I did that she'd scream the place down and soon get proper potty-phobia! She knows when she wants to go, because she can hold on for hours (6 hrs yesterday). She just doesn't want to sit on the toilet/potty!

Bramshott Wed 21-Oct-09 11:30:14

It sounds to me like she's not ready - some kids just aren't until they're over 3. If I were you, I'd give it a rest for a bit, and try again in a few months time. I know that it's hard when everyone else is potty training (DD2 is 2 yrs 7 months, and already almost all her friends are trained, but she is just NOT interested!) but there's no benefit in putting yourself through pain and mess if she just isn't ready for this now.

Acanthus Wed 21-Oct-09 11:31:41

Well if she won't sit regularly I'd leave it a while then. She's still pretty young.

numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:32:10

Yes I thought that, but everyone keeps saying that once you've started you mustn't stop or it'll confuse her. I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I should give it till the end of the week?

teameric Wed 21-Oct-09 11:33:45

maybe leave her a little longer until she's ready? I found with DD that when I pushed her too much she didn't want to do it, very frustrating I know.
I think you just have to be patient really, I'm sure she'll get there in the end. smile

MadameDuBain Wed 21-Oct-09 11:34:13

Bribery. A chocolate button when a wee goes in the toilet, 2 for a poo (naturally ). No fuss, no disapproval if she doesn't, just stay matter-of-fact about it. Although at this age, if it's not going well, I'd carry on with this system but have her in pull-ups so leaks don't matter. We just had DS in pull-ups and used them as pants until he was pretty much trained - then a big fanfare as we ditched the pull-ups and awarded him his big boy pants. Worked for us and very little mess.

Tillyscoutsmum Wed 21-Oct-09 11:35:20

Have you got any story books about potty training ? We bought one for dd this one and read it a couple of times a day. Its a "noisy" book so she seemed to enjoy it and I think it helped her link what she was supposed to do iyswim

The other thing which helped was the type of potty. DD is quite big and didn't seem to feel comfortable/stable on her little potty. We bought a bigger one (a bit like a throne) and she'll happily sit on that in front of Peppa Pig or some other programme for 10 mins or so. this sort of thing

We did have to force the issue the first couple of times (and use lots of bribery etc) but once she'd done the first wee on the potty and we'd done some very enthusiastic cheerleading, she's been fine.

Tillyscoutsmum Wed 21-Oct-09 11:36:48

Having said that, I agree with the others - maybe give it until the end of the week and then leave it for a little while before trying again

numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:37:07

I like the idea of carrying on but with less mess smile, but not sure about pull-ups - they are so pricey. Aren't they just like nappies really? Do you think they can really feel the difference?

jeee Wed 21-Oct-09 11:40:46

If she's not ready just leave it - it doesn't confuse them, honestly. Buy loads of pants and let her roam round in pants, which are easy to wash and dry, when you're at home and have the time and energy. And obviously bribe her if she manages to splash a bit of wee in the potty.

I've never used pull-ups because they leak and are extremely expensive, and I can't see how the child will see them as different from nappies.

jeee Wed 21-Oct-09 11:41:28

But if she is telling you that she's wet, that's actually a good start, I think.

Tillyscoutsmum Wed 21-Oct-09 11:42:48

DD gets confused with pull ups - they seem to just feel like nappies to her. Trainer pants seem to work better - she still thinks they are "big girl pants" but they do save a little bit of mess if there are accidents (we use them on car journeys)

teameric Wed 21-Oct-09 11:43:21

Personally found pull ups useless, and yes very pricey. Found they gave DD awful nappy rash because there only meant to be wee'd in from time to time IYSWIM.

numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:44:28

Yes, I guess that's why I'm reluctant to stop now because she knows when she needs to go and can hold on until she wants to. She says the seat is uncomfortable, so maybe i'll try a soft seat.

numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:47:05

Tillyscoutsmum: -

Yes we do have a potty book - she loves to read it and I think it's helped her to understand the process.

BertieBotts Wed 21-Oct-09 11:48:08

Don't ask her if she needs to go - suggest she tries and sees if anything comes.

teameric I don't think that is true about pull-ups, I've been using them with DS who is 1 for a few months now as he became impossible to change lying down. I use them overnight as well and he hasn't had any problems or leaks.

MadameDuBain Wed 21-Oct-09 11:49:25

I think by pull-ups I mean the same thing as pants (not sure what technical difference is) - the point being they are just nappies that are easy to pull up and down and so treat as pants, and you can take the child to the toilet often and most of the wees go in there, but leaks aren't a disaster.

We got them from Lidl, pretty cheap.

numerouno Wed 21-Oct-09 11:51:14

MadameDuBain - If your LO did a full-on wee (as opposed to a leak), would it keep most of it in?

AppleyDapply Wed 21-Oct-09 11:54:22

I don't think that being able to 'hold on' for a long time means that the child knows when they need to go. Both of mine have been able to 'hold on' before being able to reliably go in the potty/toilet.

TantieTowie Wed 21-Oct-09 11:58:38

This is just what my DS was like in August when we started (also about 2.8 months). I was ready to give up after the first five days - even though he'd held on all afternoon at a friend's BBQ. But then he got a lot better suddenly to the extent that I could predict when he would need a wee and sit him on the potty (though he had a big pooing in his pants phase) Now - and it has taken till now - I feel as relaxed about it as I did when he was in nappies - he'll mostly ask to go to the potty or sit on the toilet, but if it's been a while (90 mins or more) I'll get him to have a go.

Chocolate buttons was what worked - I introduced him to them as if I was giving him his first fix. He had a chocolate button and liked it - and then I said he could have more but only if he weed and pooed on the potty. I phased them out once he was established. Also, a friend came over early on and her little girl had a wee on his potty - which had a really inspirational effect.

I was reading the potty training in a week book - and of course when it wasn't a week I got dispirited. FWIW I've heard of three year olds being just as difficult to train, so even if you decided to wait you might just have to do the first five days again later. Then again, you might not...

pookamoo Wed 21-Oct-09 12:03:54

Or maybe washable pullups something like these ? If you are going to have to be washing her clothes anyway? It might help make the transition from nappies to big girl pants, as they are different to nappies, but still catch the accidents IYSWIM?

MadameDuBain Wed 21-Oct-09 12:26:45

Yes, they would hold a whole wee - we used them at night for a while after he was trained in the day, and they got the occasional whole wee then. There are various different products so you'd need to experiment, but this is the Lidl ones, and if I couldn't get to Lidl I would use brand-name pull-ups (can't remember what brand but they were called "pull-ups")

cyphercat Sat 24-Oct-09 08:53:01

hmm my dd is exactly the same. I'm getting extremely fed up and don't see any light at the moment. She will say no and she will wet her clothes. I think I'll change the rules and say you sit when mommy ask you to try sitting on the potty otherwise you don't get chocolate buttons....although she goes by herself if she's completely naked on her own without any leak...I find that very strange. But for hygenic and temperature reasons, I must put panties or clothes on her bits unlike in summer.

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