Please help! SOOoooo confused as how to go on.....DD almost 3, do I persevere or return to nappies????

[Welsummer]

I have got myself in a real state tonight about my DD (3 in October)and been in tears chatting it over with my parents who have opposing views over where to go next.I hoped some advice from MN may help....

We started DD wearing pants 4 weeks ago and initiated putting her on the potty/toilet at regular times with stickers and praise for success. Was doing well including mainly dry at night 6/7 nights then started to lose interest in stickers. Last week she became ill with a one-off vomitting incident then extreme fatigue and lack of interest in things, tearful and whingey which is still ongoing but getting better. Today she has just wet herself several times and still doesn't bothered. I got cross with her and told she needs to decide what to do next. She chose nappies and then protested loads at the bulky reusuable she used to wear. She then continued the rest of the day wearing the nappy and telling when she had done a wee but not before.I am aware she is recovering from not being well.

My mum feels DD doesn't initiate the need for the potty and therefore she needs to be told she is to return to nappies until DD decides she is ready and that any nappy changes are assisted by DD, maybe even trying pull-ups then my dad thinks to continue with pants and accept the inevitable accidents as going back to nappies is not helping her.

AAAAHHHH!!!

[VeronicaMars]

Ok fist of all I have been exactly where you are now. DD is over three (four in Feb) now and we have just had two very sucessful weeks of training at last including a poop in the toilet (not pants)just today. We are delighted. It is so stressful I know how you feel. Your dad is right, don't go back now. Get very excited about the sticker thing yourself and then your dd will. Constant praise is needed and if you feel stressed just walk away for a minute and then come back and tell her it doesn't matter because it doesn't. She's learning and it is a big deal.
Ok this is what we did. Two weeks ago at bed time I had a chat to dd. Told her that she is three and a half now (not that she is a big girl, she hates that) and that from tomorrow morning she is going to be in charge of her own wee. I explained that it is her wee and that it wants to go in the toilet and that it is up to her to let it go in the toilet.
This is after nearly a year of on and off training. She was gone past the coaxing, she was completely resisting it.
There is no point in forcing it as it turns into a battle of wills. Your dd is nearly 3 now so the only difference between her and a two year old is she understands it better but this doesn't make it easier for her or you for that matter.
Stick with the sticker chart, big dance (dd loved a very fast swing around the kitchen) and two stickers for every wee.
We ended up putting the potty away and got a seat with steps to the toilet. Got her special wipes and her own hand wash. We did not think this time two weeks ago she would get it but she did.
The important thing is to keep as calm as possible, try to have a least 3 days of being in the house and only you and dp is involved in the training. No point in Grandparents metioning it to her unless it is only to praise her. My dad used to try and reason with dd and she used to get quite upset by it. I had to tell him to back off!!
You will get there, dd had a lot of tests on her kidneys and I really feel that this is what the problem was, she had nothing wrong with her but the test itself was very tramatic for her.
Stick with it she will get it and if you feel it's too stressful for her then give it a break for a week and try again.

[Welsummer]

Thank you so much VeronicaMars for taking the time to reply with such detail. I really appreciate your advice and will try to put your ideas into practice. I was so low when I wrote my woes and have still had a pretty tough day with a poo on her bed....DD seemed completely surprised as to how it got there!

Since I posted DD did take herself off to her potty and do a wee the other day much to our shock!I just query why she doesn't do this all the time.It is so reassuring hearing other people's stories as I seem to have friends whose daughters trained with only one accident all within a week.

Tomorrow is always another day.....