4 year old still pooing in nappy

[bookworm1982]

My son will wee in the toilet but absolutely refuses to poo on the toilet (or the potty). He will only poo in his nappy. He's a sensitive boy and gets hysterical if I try to sit him on the loo when he needs a poo. Anyone else experienced this? He's just turned by 4 and I'm so worried that we won't have this sorted by big school. Can anyone help? I'm really feeling upset about this. Thank you xxx

[WoolieLiberal]

Said before but I’ll say it again here. It’s more common than you think.

I have a friend who has a similar problem to this. She has a three year old DD who is nearly 4 and in her last year of nursery.

She is tall for her age and looks older. She is also articulate and speaks very clearly.

I had a socially distanced meet in a cafe recently and she brought her DD with her.

Her DD actually ANNOUNCED that she was going to poo and went off into a corner to squat down and poo (presumably in a nappy or pull-up). It was a bizarre sight to see, I can tell you.

She then returned to our table and (in her
most confident and grown-up sounding voice) told my (now embarrassed-looking) friend that she needed changing!

My friend told me that her DD had no problem with wees and is even dry at night but will just not poo on a potty or toilet and she has yet to find a solution.

All I could muster was to suggest a GP visit. I asked her if she had spoken to her DD about it but her DD refuses to discuss it, so she’s not getting anywhere.

My DD’s and I all had wee issues when small, probably attributable to black current juice, but potty refusal for poos is a new one.

I will refer my friend to these threads in case anything here helps.

I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that it’s more common that you would think.

[bookworm1982]

Thanks a lot for your reply. It does help.

[Electricwigglefish]

Your not alone op my dd turned 4 in Dec and flat out refused to use the potty/toilet for wee or poo! It's only this week she has started to go for a wee of her own accord. We are still having trouble with poo though, she won't tell me if she needs to go she will go off and poo in her pull up I've caught her a couple of times just about to poo and plonked her on the toilet/potty and she went fine but if I hadn't of caught that serious look 😂 it would have been in the pull up again.

[PotteringAlong]

What happens if you don’t put a nappy on him?

[PotteringAlong]

Does he wear a nappy overnight? ie is he just pooing in the evening?

[ThursdayLastWeek]

We used a method that involved gradually helping DS get used to pooing in the toilet.

Start by insisting that poos happen in the bathroom.

Nappy on, in the bathroom.
Nappy on sitting on toilet lid down.
Nappy on, lid open.
Then cut progressively larger holes in nappy.

We did this over the course of a summer holiday period before my kid started school and it worked really well for us.

[ThursdayLastWeek]

This website v helpful ERIC

[Heavymetaldetector]

Thank you so much for this thread honestly thank you. My son is nearly four and we are still in nappies. He is very vocal and can articulate his needs very well and understands instructions really well etc etc but we have gotten no where with potty training! He gets really distressed if I try and put him on a potty for poo. I have also been getting a bit worried about it. I actually darent start a thread about it incase people thought it was ridiculous, but now I can see it does happen so thank you. I will join the thread to hope that someone will come along with some advice for us

[HunkyPunk]

One of my dc was still not using the loo for a poo when he started reception. He was dry day and night and just wore ordinary pants. As you can imagine, I was very concerned that he would end up having accidents at school, but he never did - he used to come home, change into pull-ups and take himself off somewhere private for a poo! When exactly he abandoned the pull-ups is lost in the mists of time, but it was definitely before he left the infants school. Fwiw none of my dc liked to use the school toilets and tended to hang on till they got home anyway. Don't worry, op. I'm sure he'll be fine.

[scubaprincess]

I've been there too! My dd was dry in the day and at night but would refuse to poo on the toilet so I had lots of messy washing to do! I was so concerned that I spoke to the teacher before she started school as I was so worried and then 2weeks before she started school she just 'got it' and used the toilet! She was just turned 4. She really liked the book Liam goes book on the toilet (Amazon) and I think it helped.

[DinosaurDiana]

They don’t seem to like the sensation of it ‘falling out’ of them, so line a potty with loo roll so that they don’t get that sensation. Then progress to the toilet.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

My opinion won't be popular but if that was my son I'd throw away all the nappies and say you can't do this anymore because big boys don't wear nappies and you'll be going to school soon and just deal with the resulting carnage.
He'll soon learn pooing on the floor or in public isn't much fun and start using the toilet.
Does he have an irrational fear of something nasty coming up the toilet? I used to be scared of that as a child. Leave some potties around the house they are less threatening.

[ancientgran]

I found bribery was the only thing that worked. Mine saw a toy she wanted and I said I couldn't afford it as I had to buy nappies. Problem solved and toy bought. I know bribery isn't great but sometimes it does work. Good luck.

[Penhaligon]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

My opinion won't be popular but if that was my son I'd throw away all the nappies and say you can't do this anymore because big boys don't wear nappies and you'll be going to school soon and just deal with the resulting carnage.
He'll soon learn pooing on the floor or in public isn't much fun and start using the toilet.
Does he have an irrational fear of something nasty coming up the toilet? I used to be scared of that as a child. Leave some potties around the house they are less threatening.

This didn't work for my child.
He held his poo until he got crippling constipation and ended up on medication.

There seems to be a real psychological block around this issue for some children.

Honestly, don't stress it, Your child WILL grow out of it. Mine was 4 1/2 in the end.
I spoke to the health visitor and their advice was to not push it.

[tanqueray10]

Hi @bookworm1982
I had exactly the same problem with my now 7 year old. He was terrified and would hold onto it all day until I put his nighttime nappy on.

The scary part is the poo falling from them into the toilet so my health visitor recommended we start sitting him on the toilet with a nappy on initially. Then one day I sat him on the loo and only did one side of the nappy up and before he knew it, it had fallen straight into the toilet and then he never needed a nappy again!
He will grow out of it ... don’t worry xx

[Raera]

Please don't just remove nappies, my daughter would go stiff legged and make herself constipated. We saw a psychologist and the advice worked.
"You are in charge of your poo and you need to teach it to go down the toilet "- (forget potties)
Start by emptying nappy contents in the toilet and clap and cheer as
he flushes it away.
If you have an older child, or do it yourself - when you use the toilet, get the little one to see what's in there and they flush it away - clapping and cheering.
At 4 years old star charts are good to use. It won't be long before they are clapping as they flush their own poo away.
It works best if all the family is involved, they come and view the poo in the loo and all clap and cheer as it is flushed, then a star is put on the chart.
Yes, I know it sounds bonkers but it worked in about 10 days.

[Cleverpolly3]

@Raera
Please don't just remove nappies, my daughter would go stiff legged and make herself constipated.

Totally agree

[LadyBugg]

You've perfectly described my 5 year old boy. Always asks for a nappy at bedtime to do a poo in. (He has been dry in the day since 2 and a half but still wears a nappy to bed. He wets everynight nappy or no nappy and even if I get him up for pee).

I don't have any suggestions obviously but thanks for posting, there's a few good tips here i hadn't thought of. Cutting a hole in the nappy is genius!

[ThursdayLastWeek]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

My opinion won't be popular but if that was my son I'd throw away all the nappies and say you can't do this anymore because big boys don't wear nappies and you'll be going to school soon and just deal with the resulting carnage.
He'll soon learn pooing on the floor or in public isn't much fun and start using the toilet.
Does he have an irrational fear of something nasty coming up the toilet? I used to be scared of that as a child. Leave some potties around the house they are less threatening.

Unpopular for a bloody good reason for anyone with an ounce of common sense and/or compassion for a terrified child.

[ThursdayLastWeek]

I really would recommend starting with the ERIC website - they really do not recommend just taking nappies away!

[Bumblesbumbles]

We have this too - no issue with wees and let’s me know when he wants a poo. If he doesn’t have a nappy he gets very constipated and I’ve heard it exacerbates the issue. I’m therefore trying to be super patient. Love the suggestions of Raera

[Huggybear16]

I'm so glad I saw this. My boy turned 4 in November. He has used the toilet to pee since he was 2, he's been dry overnight since then too - he will get up on his own through the night if he needs to.

But when he needs a poo, he asks for a nappy. I've tried a few things, but the thought of having to poo in the toilet is so unacceptable to him that he would rather hold it in.

I've offered him ANYTHING he wants to try one poo in the toilet - ridiculously expensive bribes for a 4 year old. He'd rather not have the latest toy/gadget/day out/holiday and just keep his nappies.

He's otherwise a clever kid. I'd never have thought that he would learn to read before learning to use the toilet. I don't know what to try next. He already goes to the bathroom, then calls me when he is finished. I show him that the poo goes in the toilet, then wipe, then flush. We just don't seem to be making progress past this point. He comes to the bathroom with me when I need to go, so he can see that nothing terrible happens to me. He gets so upset when I suggest the toilet. Then he'll just hold it in and have a sore tummy and become constipated.

[bookworm1982]

Thanks for all your messages. It's great to know we're not alone We've still had no luck! At the moment we're stilling pooing in nappies, but stood next to the toilet, which is an improvement I guess. He doesn't like looking at the poo when I chuck it down the loo but will flush the chain. We've also reached an agreement that if he sits on the loo every day for ten minutes, not to poo but just to get used to the seat etc, then he gets a star on his reward chart. We'll see how it goes...

Never thought this would be such hard work!

[Misspacorabanne]

My ds is 3.5 and is the same op! A few times I've told him pull ups have gone bye byes and he needs to sit on the toilet or the potty, but then I can see he needs to go, but he won't go, he will hold it in. He held it in for almost three days last time before I gave in and put him in a pull up, he then went straight away. Ds will sit on the potty and poo into his pull up, but with out the pull up he holds it in, and I worry it will make him poorly. I've no advise, but your not alone.

[Pinksundownbeast]

I'm so glad you posted this chat,I have son a who just turned 4 in November and due to start school this year. He is still pooing in his pants.yep lots of mess to clean. He has no problem doing the wee in the toilet but refuses to poo. I'm so concerned about it too. He started ok but then he started nursery there was a set back never managed to get him to poo on the toilet after that. It been over a year now no luck so far. If I stop him or catch him he wouldn't do it for few days. He holds it in and becomes constipated. Really don't know what to do. Any help ladies? I can't get hold of any health visitors due to lockdown .