Oh crap method versus waiting til 'ready'

[Rubyroost]

So the oh crap says best time is between 20 and 30 months. My boy is coming up to 30 months. However, from what I read on here and from mum's it seems most wait until their child is 'ready' and seems to be nearer 36 months.
I don't know whether to try and train toddler or wait until signs of readiness. He doesn't tell me before he needs a wee or pooh, he doesn't hide to do a pooh etc. He has been introduced to a potty and I tried a day in training pants, he seemed oblivious apart from the first time he weed he came to tell me he was doing a wee when he was doing it. After that he just kept weeing and was oblivious. We decided not to carry on as my 3 month old was a bit poorly and it was quite exhausting. I'm wanting to try again, but don't really know whether I should or whether to wait a while. Any advice would be brill.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Loved the oh crap method. “Ready” to me meant: able to pull down leggings and underwear, able to speak, dry through nap time.
I often find parents like to say “not ready” because they are not ready. One of the biggest things I took from the book/ method was once you commit to it, no going back as it sends mixed messages.
If you wish to train first issue is no training pants- too much like a nappy. Have you actually gone pants free at first as per the oh crap method?

[Rubyroost]

No @OnlyFoolsnMothers I'm considering that as my next step. The knickers I used were cotton ones with a bit of extra padding in so he could feel the wet etc. But I understand the proper method is to start with nothing on at all. I'm terrified of all my carpets smelling of wee to be honest. He can pull his trousers up and down, but he's lazy and doesn't like to. He also doesn't stay dry during naps, although he's annoyingly dropped his nap recently. 😭

[Rubyroost]

And you're right, I don't feel ready, but I don't think I ever will. 🙈

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Honestly OP I dreaded it but I was able to train in a wk and it really wasn’t that bad. I think you quickly learn your child’s toilet habits and how long they can hold it for. I stopped asking so you need potty and started working out when she need to go. Before we went out it was on the potty and “right once we’ve wee’d we can head out”.
Seemed to be holding poos so stuck her on the potty with an iPad for 20mins. No rewards or prizes, no scolding or anger. It’s just a learning curve like all the others we have to suffer through
I recommend the book 100%

[whensmynexthol1day]

I'm slightly dreading potty training my second. With my first we started when he was 3yrs 2 months. Nursery had spent a good couple of months taking him to the toilet in preparation. He then trained perfectly in 1 week at nursery and he had no accidents from that point. Basically we contributed nothing!
But we've moved since and my daughter is at a new nursery where they need them trained by 3 as they don't have facilities to store nappies for older kids. Shes no where near as ready as her brother was. We did try a couple of days of training a few weeks ago - she would sit on the potty, do nothing and then wee on the floor 5 mins later. We've agreed with nursery we'll let them try next week. Maybe they will work their magic and it will all be good by the weekend. But I doubt it.... argh!

[DontGoJasonWaterfalls]

We waited until DD was about 3 and a half? She asked to use the toilet one day so we skipped the potty and put her straight on the toilet. She was dry that day and dry at night within a week. I'm definitely an advocate of waiting until they're ready.

[YouAndMeAndTheDevilMakesThree]

Tried the oh crap method with my then 27 month old DS. After 3 weeks we hadn't got consistently past block one despite him showing all the signs of readiness listed the the book. Clearly he wasn't in fact 'ready'.

[TiptopJ]

I tried the oh crap method at 2 years 4 months and despite following it exactly how it was written it didn't work out. Ds just wasnt interested and despite sitting on the potty for a while as soon as he was off it he weed on the floor and was quite oblivious to the fact that he was having a wee so I do actually think theres a lot to be said for waiting until they are at least a little bit ready. I'm going to try again in a few months time when he will be around 2 years 7 - 9 months as hes now showing an interest in what's in his nappy and can tell me when hes had a wee or a poo in it. But, every child is different it wont harm to have a go if you want to.

[Rubyroost]

Thanks everyone, lots of mixed responses here. Only thing is to have a proper go at it.

[Rubyroost]

Also, why no rewards. Can someone explain the rationale behind this? Thanks

[lovemylot1]

I’ve just potty trained my 20 month old using the oh crap book. It was fine, not many accidents at all and from start to very reliable probably took about just over a week. We are not in pants yet, still in the commando trousers phase. She was ready though - she had been taking off her nappy herself and reading potty book interested in toilet etc.
She’s my third child and in hindsight I left it too late before particularly with my second who was 2.7 by the time we finished. It was very hard going compared to the little one who as the book put it was ‘eager to please’! And had not developed any hang ups.

[kmoreilly]

The waiting until ready method works so fast it can almost make your head spin.

Identifying the 'ready' signals.
They are when your child tells you before they poo and pee, and then as soon as they are finished, they want to be changed. Also, you will find that overnight, they wake up before wetting and/or sleep dry all night.

Trying to train a child before they make the decision is a losing battle filled with frustration.

[kmoreilly]

Rubyroost,
the reason for no rewards is that you, nor your child needs to differentiate between toilet training and any other milestone. It is only society that links diaper usage / dependency to babyhood. Your child does not, and should not. To do so at this age puts too much stress on your child which is counter-productive and will force the regression to pre-toilet training.

Everyone else,
forget about the age being the trigger. I can honestly state that, despite not knowing your children, they all will learn this skill. It is up to you to decide whether you want to make it easy or not.

[Rubyroost]

@kmoreilly this is my dilemma, I read posts like yours and then other posts that differ and say the o crap method works, just have to see it through etc.

[SandieCheeks]

I have three kids - I didn't do a method but just got on with it just after they were 2 (say 24-27 months).

Didn't want to be changing nappies any longer than necessary! The thought of having a 3 year old still in nappies didn't appeal to me.

[Luzina]

I waited with both my DS until they were 3yrs 3mnths. It took 48 hours max although with younger DS it was a bit more stressful. You might not know for sure when your child is ready but it does seem to be easier if you wait a bit (anecdotally anyway)

[kmoreilly]

@rubyroost,

from reading your post, it seems that your son although can pull his pants up and down, doesn't seem to want to and continues to use his nappies day and night. Give it, and yourself a 3-5 day break and try again. He, from what I have read, doesn't seem too interested and therefore, is not ready to be trained. Do not worry about his age, he will get it.

[youcancallmequeenE]

I didn't read the books either because tbh I simply didn't have the time!

Mine are 14m apart. DD potty trained at 2.5 and DS around the same.

My tip? Kids lie. You can ask them if they're doing a poo and they'll say no even when they are. That doesn't mean they don't understand or aren't ready for potty training.

Buy a couple of potties. Straight into pants. Leave your own irritations at the door (there will be accidents. Get the mop out) and dong badger them too much. When you inevitably notice that they're about to wee, or have started it, get them straight to the potty and praise them. Reiterate the message "wee and poo on the potty". People learn through repetition and practise. Kids are no different. Within 3 days they should've got it. If after 3 days they simply can't understand the need to go to the potty then they're not ready.

If you started a whole new skill tomorrow at work no one would expect you to be an expert by the end of the day. This is no different!

Oh, and buy some chocolate buttons. If not for the kids then for you! 😁

[ChristmasCarcass]

We did use rewards to bribe DS into sitting on the potty in the first place. And tablets (pre-lockdown his screentime was rationed..). It was the only way to keep him there long enough to do anything.

Once he got the hang of it though, he was great. Trained in about a week, few daytime accidents over the next month, then dry day and night the month after that. He also couldn’t pull his own trousers down at that point, so don’t let that stop you.

[pigoons]

DS was just before 3 - took us less than a week to be dry during the day. Few wee accidents at nursery but that was because he had to ask permission to go to the loo and they sometimes kept him waiting too long.

What made the different for us was investing in a really good child toilet seat - the pourty one and a high stool so could feel secure on the loo - and not bothering with a potty. We had a potty lying around for months but DS struggled with it and clung to his pull ups. Took me a long time to work out he hated the potty - I think it was actually extremely uncomfortable but he couldn't articulate this

[toinfinityandlockdown]

I've done both. Different children, different circumstances.

Oh crap method
pros child gets toilet trained earlier (mine was under 2), more eco friendly
cons - child will have more accidents if younger

Wait method
pros: child will be fully dry, very, very few accidents, can hold for longer.
cons: child will likely be 3-4 years

Do what works for you.

[pigoons]

I actually don't understand the point of a potty now. Just much more hassle IMO

[pigoons]

I also think there is an issue sometimes with pushing a child to potty train before they are ready. There is no rush these days to potty train.

[DramaAlpaca]

My three boys were all toilet trained between 26 months and 30 months, mainly because that's when most people did it back then (mid-90s). A three year old in nappies was unusual, whereas from reading on here it seems to be the norm these days.

Between the age of two and two & a half is a window where toddlers are keen to please and haven't yet got to the very stubborn stage. I took a week off from doing anything much at all and just concentrated on toilet training. Straight into pants and no nappies except at bedtime. Yes of course there were accidents, some days more than others, but I never got stressed, kept it all relaxed, persisted until they got it and it didn't take long with any of them. Chocolate button rewards helped a lot with the elder two, but didn't need them with the youngest.

DS1 was 2 years 2 months, was reliable in two weeks, DS2 was 2 years 4 months, it took a week. DS3 was 2 years 6 months, dry day (and night!) in 3 days.

[pinguwings]

Most important factor is are you ready?

The oh crap method works if you fully commit and that for us meant the first three days watching dd like a hawk. Absolutely recommend reading the book, it's not just a case of magically it all clicks for both of you.