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Potty training at 2 years 9 months - childminders not on board

(18 Posts)
user1477259453 Sun 08-Mar-20 13:18:34

My little boy is currently 30 months. In June, when I have booked two weeks off, he will be 2 years 9 months. We have very busy childminders who I have heard complain about potty training kids before. I totally get that it's hard work, but they were training a kid who has been walking and talking for two years and was there years old. An EXTREMELY advanced three year old, who should probably have trained a year before! And saying that he was too you G and his parent should have left it a bit longer. I am due my second at the end of August. I know it often takes a few months to get sorted so I thought if I dedicate a couple of weeks to it in June, and try to break the back of it, it will be better for us all in the long run. But my husband is worried about inconveniencing the childminders. I said our child's development is more important than then, and they are the only people I know who think three is young to potty train!!! If not before three, I'll get whipped up into a newborn frenzy and it'll end up getting left until he's 3.5 🙄🙄. What are your thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
NannyR Sun 08-Mar-20 13:41:58

It's part of the childminders job to help potty train children and to work alongside the parents if they decide their child is ready. If you are taking two weeks off and he's ready to train, he should only be having very occasional accidents when he goes back to the childminder. Most children get the hang of it pretty quickly if they are ready.
I wouldn't count on him potty training in a specific window of time though, kids don't always take annual leave dates into consideration!! One job I had a few years ago, mum took some time off work so she could concentrate on training - the little girl was having loads of accidents and mum was quite stressed about it. We decided to stop and put her back in nappies and a couple of weeks later she decided herself that she wanted to wear pants and trained very quickly with only a few accidents, even though we were busy with school runs and playgroups etc.
I suppose what I'm saying is don't assume that potty training will happen in that two weeks - he might be ready before, he might not be quite ready then.

user1477259453 Sun 08-Mar-20 13:51:25

Thank you this is very helpful. I think I have to start somewhere. If he can't do it he can't do it. But I'm a bit worried if he's lazy and we have our baby we're not going to try again until he's 3.5 which to me seems a long time to be used to a potty and might make it harder!

OP’s posts: |
eaglebay Sun 08-Mar-20 13:51:55

DD1 potty trained at 2yrs 1m in 3 days following the Oh Crap! Potty Training book.

You'll be fine with 2 weeks. Good luck!

ElspethFlashman Sun 08-Mar-20 13:59:17

I think you're putting a fair bit of stress on yourself tbh. I know you're anxious about having a newborn but it's not necessarily less stressful to have a kid who's having accidents and in the first 6 months you WILL have accidents. Even when they know what to do, they can be lazy if they're having fun.

Also in my experience some kids get it at 2. But some kids really labour it at 2 and it becomes a right ordeal, whereas after 3 they generally get it within a week.

So basically, try it by all means but if it doesn't work within a week, put him back in nappies.

I had 2 in nappies for over a year and tbh it was a piece of cake, 2 year olds aren't that messy with their nappies and don't have to be changed half as often as newborns. And they obey instructions. It's not as bad as you think!

user1477259453 Sun 08-Mar-20 14:06:19

Mhm. That all makes sense but if I have two on nappies for a year toddler will be four before he's ready. So basically I think we're going to end up with him wanting to potty train when I have a one month old ha 😔. Not ideal 😔. But I guess having loads of accidents isn't great either.

OP’s posts: |
CinnabarRed Sun 08-Mar-20 14:08:34

I think you have to wait for the right time for each child. My first trained at 3.10 years. my second and third both at 3.6 years. All three were a doddle, a day or so each, but we (our nanny and I) waited with each until he was showing signs he was ready. I’m absolutely clear in my own mind that none of them would have been even close to ready at 2.9 years, but I had friends whose DCs were dry during the day at that age - it’s luck of the draw, I think.

Personally, unless your DC is showing signs of readiness, I think I would wait until the new baby is 6m old. A new sibling can be hugely disrupting to the older sibling and I’d want to keep the two things separate.

mnahmnah Sun 08-Mar-20 14:10:44

Potty training isn’t something that is always quickly and easily done. Even if you take two weeks off to make a good start on it, the childminder will still need to be on board with continuing. It’s unfair of them to complain about it.

user1477259453 Sun 08-Mar-20 14:12:30

Really three and a half seems so old to me!!! I mean some kids go to school at four it just feels really late on! Sigh. I guess I should just wait and see.

OP’s posts: |
LajesticVantrashell Sun 08-Mar-20 14:17:26

We waited til DS was three. Day one, he had three accidents. Day two he was dry. Poos sorted within a week and dry at night too. If they're ready, you can do it within days and honestly, it's not an ordeal at all - other than constantly asking whether they need a wee!

HoffiCoffi13 Sun 08-Mar-20 14:17:35

DD2 trained in 3 days at 20 months using ‘oh crap! Potty training’. DD1 trained in 2 days at 2.5. Neither have had accidents since (at 6 and 4). I have no idea if they were ‘ready’ or not, I just put aside a few days to do it when it was convenient, and did it.
It’s your child, potty train when you want to! If it doesn’t work, wait and try again another time. The childminders will have to get on board.

Clarabellawilliamson Sun 08-Mar-20 14:20:35

I would say just do it when they are ready. If June seems like a good time, do it then, if not it really won't be that bad to do it with a baby! Honestly, if they are ready, it isn't that bad. I did it at about 2 years 8 or 9 months with my DD I think, and my son was 3 or 4 months at the time. Kids can quite often have a regression when a younger sibling is born so I figured there was no point doing it before!

ElspethFlashman Sun 08-Mar-20 14:21:31

My youngest was well able by 3. Would she comply? Fuck no! Wouldn't even sit on the toilet. We tried all the usual things. But she was a hard nut and wouldn't crack.

But by 3.4 she was ready and we did it over Xmas week.

That's what people mean by ready. They either have an interest or not. And if not, it can be an uphill battle.

Sontagsleere Sun 08-Mar-20 14:22:27

The phrase you can bring a horse to water springs to mind. Ultimately you may be ready but each child is so different. My second and third trained earlier than my first simply as they wanted to emulate their older brother. I remember thinking I needed a reward chart as it was just so difficult when a child is not ready or interested. I had people telling me it's the summer get him out and he'll be trained in no time. Doesn't work like that. I had three under three (all in nappies!) but decided against it. He wasn't ready, I had just had a baby and was tired and irritable and you definitely need patience and understanding as you don't want it to be negative for them. That's of the reasons I left it. He got it pretty quickly when we did do it. Left the night time until nappies were consistently dry every morning. My fourth is a girl and only 19 months but it'll be interesting to see how different she is to the boys! Good luck and don't put too much pressure on your self or him!

OneEpisode Sun 08-Mar-20 14:24:21

I’m older than you. Mine were trained well before this age. It used to be a requirement for preschool. My mother trained me and my siblings much earlier. In most of the world children are out of cloth nappies much earlier. The biology is the same, it’s the motivation that’s different. Fitted carpets and disposable nappies. And in this case you are doing two weeks work and the childminder should fit in with your plans.

KatnissK Sun 08-Mar-20 14:32:19

Yeah I'd echo pp - they do need to be ready. I have a 2y 8m old DS and he is being such a stubborn little sausage. We first tried last summer after his 2nd birthday....nope, didn't get it at all. Then tried again before Christmas- he was a bit better, knows when he needs a wee/poo. Will he go on the potty? Absolutely not! Got himself in a total state, screaming, crying, holding in everything when he was in pants until he'd soak through his clothes, car seat/buggy...! Our childminder was really helpful and encouraging but I couldn't carry on with him like that so now we are just waiting until he tells us he wants to do it. He has a potty, a step and seat in the loo, hey duggee pants and we read lots of stories about potty-going so hoping one day it will click and he will want to do it. You really can't force the issue ime.

OneEpisode Sun 08-Mar-20 15:05:53

Summer is a good time. 99.999% of children will be biologically ready by the age he is at in June. You have to persuade him that the thing he has done for years is no longer appropriate and he shouldn’t use nappies anymore. Easier in the summer if you have a garden.

3teens2cats Sun 08-Mar-20 16:03:34

There is a world of difference between a parent giving potty training a good start at home and then the childminder carrying on supporting and a parent suddenly sending a child in pants and expecting her to to do it. That would be annoying and unfair. At nursery we expect parents to have taken the first step and had a few days doing it at home first, even if that is just over a weekend. We have had a couple of parents over the years who have put their child in pants for the first time that morning, after no prior discussions, and just sent them in. It never ends well and is very unfair on the staff and child. Could it be she has had this issue before?
If he is ready, in 2 weeks you will know if it's going to work and then she will be fine to carry on with it.

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