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Argh! Please help re toddler holding poo in

(9 Posts)
INeedNewShoes Sat 11-Jan-20 19:26:23

I have just lost my temper with my DD (2.8). I am so pissed off with myself as I know this will have likely made things a lot worse.

We started potty training in July when DD was just over 2. In hindsight it was too early. She has only had one wee accident in total in the past three months so we're there with wees, but poos are an issue.

She doesn't want to poo in the potty/toilet. In order to try to remove any stress from the process to avoid the risk of her withholding poo I eventually gave her the choice that when she wants a poo she can choose to do it on the potty or in her pull up. 9 times out of 10 she chooses the pull up. If she does use the potty then I make a big thing of being very positive about it. She has a reward chart but actually I don't think she's that fussed about it.

This evening she was just about to get in the bath when she said she needed a poo and wanted a pull-up. I lost my temper twenty minutes later when the bath had gone cold and we were still waiting for the fucking poo. She didn't seem to be making an effort to do it (ie was pottering around looking at toys, wanting to help me hang washing up etc.). After various reminders to remember to do the poo, I'm afraid I eventually lost it and screamed at her to do it 'now' and then went into a mini tirade about how I'm so sick of us spending our life waiting for poo.

We often end up leaving late for nursery in the morning because she 'wants to do her poo at home' but then doesn't actually do it and then she's often going to bed late because of instances like this evening, and she really needs her sleep at night because she doesn't nap anymore. She's now overtired from too many slightly short nights' sleep because of either delayed bedtime due to wanting to do a poo before the bath or because she waits until she's in her cot then does a poo 15 minutes later and then obviously it's nappy change and back to bed which all pushes bedtime back.

She's generally a really good child and has been perfectly well behaved today. She really hasn't warranted me being so horrid to her this evening but I just feel as though our lives are being held hostage by waiting for poo! After months of being patient and not making a fuss about it (although I did have a similar loss of temper a couple of months ago after a couple of weeks of dealing with poos in knickers - an issue that's now resolved) I feel like I'm at the end of my tether with it and don't know what to do.

There are three issues as far as I can see:

a) doing a poo at all, whether it's in pull-up or potty and stopping this rut we've got into of waiting for ages for her to do a poo she says she wants to do but invariably then doesn't

b) then moving to more poos going in potty/toilet - but actually this is less of a concern as it doesn't affect her health or my sanity her choosing to get a pull-up to poo in

c) she doesn't want to poo at nursery and I'm pretty sure she's holding it in

Things we have tried:

- making a huge positive fuss when she does a poo in the potty
- reward chart for poo in potty
- I'm never negative about her using a pull-up for a poo; she is clear that its her choice
- pooland app
- a potty book

Her diet is good and varied. She eats well and drinks enough so shouldn't be constipated. Before she started getting hung up about it she was doing a poo in the morning after waking up and then sometimes another later in the day. She now seems to be trying to control things so that all poos are done in her cot, whether that's when she wakes up first thing in the morning, or after she's gone to bed at night.

OP’s posts: |
KKM321 Sat 11-Jan-20 20:37:14

I’m in the exact same boat, my DD is 3.10 and I’m panicking as hell.. I’ve done exactly what you have do in terms or rewards and instigation .. the only thing that worked for me for a while is cutting the nappy in half without her realising .. and when she asks for the pull up put the cut one on her on the potty and hopefully she does a poo on the potty/toilet .. it worked for me for 2 days and now I’m back to square one. I feel your pain!

Hotcuppatea Sat 11-Jan-20 20:43:56

Give her a little pot of bubbles to blow when she's on the potty. When she blows, the necessary muscles will relax and it's a nice fun thing to do while you're on the potty.

Once a poo arrives, the liberal application of Smarties also helps.

Elieza Sat 11-Jan-20 21:16:29

There are other posts on here somewhere about this issue.

Someone said they used a nappy or pull-up with a hole cut out of the bottom so they could sit on the potty/toilet (and presumably still feel the reassurance of the clothing) and succeed with the poo in the potty.

Nicelunch25 Sat 11-Jan-20 21:37:11

The book "Liam does a poo" worked for my stubborn poo withholding son.

MilkTray22 Sat 11-Jan-20 21:38:11

This really makes me never want to have kids grin

TooStressyTooMessy Sat 11-Jan-20 21:41:50

You have my sympathy OP as it is bloody awful. Have a look at the ERIC website. Loads of useful advice plus they have a phone / email advice service.

2020BetterBeBetter Sat 11-Jan-20 21:48:34

Poor kid.

I would take her to the GP and get movicol prescribed and gently see about putting her back in pull ups for a while (although not if the suggestion upsets her). She might wee on the potty or toilet but she isn’t toilet trained and the more she withholds and is constipated now, the bigger an issue it will become. Movicol will prevent her from being able to withhold and it means going for a poo won’t hurt, so she needs this in order to build back up reassurance and comfort of going for a poo long term. Unfortunately it’s not necessarily a short term fix but it’s worth doing. Every time you start to get impatient remind yourself that showing this could well mean a few steps back of what is already potentially a long journey so the quicker you want things to resolve the better it is to not make any comment.

I’ve been there so I do know this can be tough.

INeedNewShoes Sat 11-Jan-20 22:03:27

Thanks for all your responses. I'll look into a couple of these things.

I think I'm going to back off any suggestion to use the potty for poo for the time being until the situation has relaxed again. We can work on that at a later date. Its not important to me that she's 'toilet trained' at this age so that can wait, although there's no way DD would go back to weeing in a nappy now; that side of things is too well established.

I'm not sure Movicol is the way forward as she passes stools very easily, when she makes time to do it. Also her stools are already soft and she goes regularly 1–2 times a day so I would worry that Movicol would make her already soft stools too soft and that really would put her off potty training if she felt she didn't have control over it.

She currently wears a pull up until she's done a poo in the morning and then she's in knickers all day unless she decides to put a pull up on for a poo (she undresses/dresses herself so she can just go and put a pull up on when she wants it when we're at home). She would be upset if I suggested that she wears a pull-up all the time.

Every time you start to get impatient remind yourself that showing this could well mean a few steps back of what is already potentially a long journey so the quicker you want things to resolve the better it is to not make any comment. I am acutely aware of this and have been very well controlled about my reactions these past few months. Unfortunately for whatever reason I didn't manage it this evening and I feel sufficiently frustrated with myself/ashamed about it.

OP’s posts: |

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