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ds 3.5 is not yet potty trained - worried it will never happen!

(7 Posts)
hsegfiugseskufh Wed 10-Jul-19 12:39:02

I need help!

DS is 3.5 and is not potty trained. I honestly worry that he will never do it.

before he turned 3 I was all "lets wait until he's ready - its fine, no rush" and now he is over 3, and school is approaching I am worrying about because he still hasn't got it.

I think he knows when he needs to go, and sometimes he tells me during, and 99% of the time will tell me after.

he has sat on the toilet a few times and done a wee, but its short lived. He will do it once or twice, and then not tell me again. I will ask him if he needs to go regularly and he just says no.

I've tried sticker charts but they didn't motivate him. I am wondering whether to try a treat or something similar but don't really want him to associate chocolate buttons or similar to being good and expecting it all the time...

he goes to nursery FT, and most of the kids in his room are trained, this doesn't motivate him either. He just doesn't care. His nursery are supportive and ask him if he wants to go regularly but that's it.

I don't really have time to take a week off and watch him continuously and nor does DP unfortunately, plus we don't even know whether it would work.

I am wondering what to do next. I don't want to force him to sit on the toilet every half hour for a week either, in case it just makes things worse.

Was thinking about getting a book about potty training for kids, he really loves reading so maybe that would work for him?

does anyone have any ideas or experience of a kid who legitimately wouldn't care if he had to wear nappies for the rest of his life...

thanks!

OP’s posts: |
Blondiejay24 Wed 10-Jul-19 13:18:36

Hi! My DD is 2y 8 months, and we’ve just done it. Similar to your son, I wasn’t sure she was ready as she showed zero interest. We got potty books etc and didn’t make any difference.

About a month ago we decided to tackle it. I was still at work (just started Mat leave), we started at the weekend. We went cold turkey and took nappies off and our knickers on. I asked her what she needed to tell mummy when she needed a wee, she said ‘use the toilet!’.. I thought ok.. foot start lol 😂 she refused to use the potty at every attempt and peed on my sofa the first day. The next day we had multiple accidents in her knickers where after she’d run to me and say ‘mummy I’ve had a wee!’.. i thought we might have to give up, then by the 4th day she was telling me she needed to use the potty just as she was wee’ing.. so thought this is progress. Nursery took it on when we were at work and so did my mum and mil. We had a few more accidents. The odd success. We kept it up though and within two weeks we were regularly using the potty or loo and she was telling me prior to wetting herself. We didn’t avoid going out or anything. We just went on as normal. I went shopping with her about a week into training and took the potty in the car but she didn’t have an accident, and did ask to use the loo at one point. I didn’t reward her, I just praised her after she sat on the potty or toilet.

She’s a month on now and we’ve not had an accident in ages. We still use nappies at night time and will do until she’s dry at night. I know she isn’t ready for that yet.

My advice would be to stop wearing nappies. They keep them too dry. They won’t learn about ‘that sensation’ with a nappy on. And nurseries are great if you tell them you are potty training. Just pack plenty of pants and spare clothes until you’re confident they have it. The

NannyR Wed 10-Jul-19 13:29:08

In your position I would just bite the bullet and go for it. It sounds like he's ready and if you are ready for him to be out of nappies then you might need to be proactive and take the lead rather than him letting you know when he wants to train.
I would tell him one night that you think he's big enough to be using the toilet now, so tomorrow when you wake up you can wear pants, put a couple of nappies in his pj drawer for sleep time and hide the rest. I wouldn't bother with a potty at his age, just go straight to learning to use the loo.

BastilleKillers15 Wed 10-Jul-19 22:45:06

Just go for it! And just be prepared for anything. It took me a while to potty train DD and I always used to dread the potty training stage but thought it had to be done sooner or later. We got her a potty and just kept reminding her to use it when she needed to go, she had a few accidents at first and she used to cry about it but then eventually she just did it on the potty! It takes time and patience but you will nail it! Just keep trying if it fails, and just keep cleaning supplies nearby for any messes! She is now currently not wearing nappies at night time and even though she has stayed dry all night, I'm always so paranoid about any accidents she might do in her sleep. You can do this smile.

Oysterbabe Mon 15-Jul-19 13:27:24

We were in the same position with my 3.5 year old. We'd had a number of halfhearted attempts and looking back on it now we really weren't committed to it, popped a nappy back on when we needed to go out or if she complained about it too much. We reached the point of being a bit embarrassed about her still being in nappies when none of the other kids her age at nursery are and decided we had to get our act together. We cleared our calendar for 4 days (that's all we could really manage to take off), ready to spend them in the house if necessary. We told her that from Friday she wasn't going to wear nappies anymore and we meant it. Friday morning we took off her nappy and just let her be naked waist down all day. The plan was to watch her ready to get her straight on the potty if she started to wee. We made it quite a fun day and bought some chocolate biscuits and a couple of new games. She got it immediately and was taking herself off to wee when needed by the end of the day. Second day we put her in dresses, 3rd loose shorts. She did great, no accidents at all. It was obvious that she was more than capable and we just hadn't devoted the time to it that she needed. She's still in a pull up at night but it's often dry so we may ditch that soon too.

You son needs to learn and you need to make the time to teach him. More likely than not he isn't going to magically teach himself (which I think we had secretly been hoping for).

Oysterbabe Mon 15-Jul-19 13:31:53

BTW I read the book Oh Crap! And it really helped me. They recommend no pants for about a month as the sensation of wearing them is too similar to wearing a nappy and the muscle memory will lead to more accidents.

Mopmum35 Mon 15-Jul-19 13:48:53

I don't think books help that much ( in my opinion) I have 6 children ( 14,12,11,10,3 and 2) and nothing muched helped apart from time and patience, I put mine straight on the toilet with a little seat for them. My 2 year old dd ( 2 in march) has been toilet trained for just over a month now, the first week in we stopped nappy pants at night aswell and no accidents ( bar one in the day on the first day) I'm lucky I suppose with her..my 3 year old dd toilet train in day since 2 ( 3 end of jan) was still wet at night till just over a month ago, but we just went for it! Away with nappy pants for both girls and not looked back, so just go for it Like others have said, I know its difficult in nursery but while at home just keep him in his underwear. But patience is the key to this. I used to tickle mine a little on the loo make it in to a game. Say things like " are we going to hear your wee!!" " can I see your wee" good luck

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