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She just...won't

(20 Posts)
NameChanginator Thu 02-May-19 11:35:44

DD is 3 I September. Thought we'd have a crack at potty training. I'm pretty sure she knows when she's doing something so I figured: no nappy, sit her on potty/toilet if it looks like she's about to do something, sticker if she does anything, no fuss if she doesn't or if she has an accident - and just see how we go.

Spent a few weeks talking about it. Bought pants, she chose a Peppa Pig training seat. She's very verbal and we've had lots of spontaneous chat about doing all wees and poos on toilet and no more nappies.

We've never had a lot of cooperation with actually sitting on potty (which we've had a while). She isn't a very cooperative child, so if I suggest sitting on it it's "no". She has sat on it, occasionally, usually for quarter of a second then says "finished!" and that's it. Thought we'd just give it a crack anyway.

She won't do anything on either the potty or the toilet. She has spent 3 hours asking me to change her nappy. At one point I managed to get her to sit on the potty and she kept standing up and asking me to change her nappy. She also wouldn't take her pants off. Eventually, distracted by a story, she did a tiny amount of poo in pants while sitting on the potty. Fine. Got changed, played and read stories, till she started asking me to change her nappy again - repeatedly, beginning to get distressed. I offered potty and toilet - "no".

Cracked, because she was getting upset, and immediately got poo and wee in nappy. So she knows when she needs to go and can hold it - just will not do it on potty or toilet, despite apparent earlier enthusiasm for trying.

It's been four hours and I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I expected accidents, but she just - won't. Don't know what to do. She's back to naked (didn't put pants back on after first pair). But if she won't sit on potty what do I do?!

OP’s posts: |
BaronessBomburst Thu 02-May-19 11:41:18

I skipped the potty and told DS that he could have a jelly baby every time he did a wee/ poo in the toilet. And that was it. He went straight to using the toilet and carried on even when we ran out of jelly babies.
I did give him the option of wearing a nappy just in case on days out, in case we couldn't find a toilet in time, but I don't remember him having accidents.
Would something like that work for you?

NameChanginator Thu 02-May-19 11:44:32

We have a sticker chart and I said she can have a sticker every time she does something on either potty or toilet. No dice. My parents are here (they are round twice a week) and she is currently explaining to them that she gets a sticker for wees on toilet. She's also asking for one for her toy puppy because she sat him in the potty and he apparently did a toy wee, so need a a sticker. So she gets it! But she still won't actually sit on either potty or toilet...

OP’s posts: |
BlueKarou Thu 02-May-19 12:00:05

Can I join you in despair? My son was 3 at the beginning of the year. We've read the books, have had the potty at home for maybe a year now, so it's not a strange new thing. We talk about how big boys wee on the potty/toilet, and babies have nappies. He has wee'd on the potty a few times when we've tried after a bath and before putting his PJs on.

My plan was to wait until summer and take a few weeks off work to just do the whole no nappy thing, but my mum, who has him a lot of the time whilst I'm at work, decided to start last week. She bought him some pants and has tried a couple of afternoons with pants and shorts on him, and he's doing well; a few accidents, but mostly wees on the potty. (No poos those days, so I think he's holding that back until he's back in nappies.) The days they've managed to do well have been days when she's promised him a big toy as a reward for choosing to go to the potty when he needs to. It works, mostly, when he's not tired from recently increased preschool days, but it's not workable in the long term. I cannot be buying a toy each time he has a wee on the potty, and it's blown my smaller rewards out of the water; stickers and sweet treats aren't really holding up against the promise of a new Catboy or Owlette.

Also, if I say to him that we're going to have an afternoon with his big boy pants on I get a 'no!' and he fights against it, so I don't push it as I don't want to make it into more of a fight than it needs to be and risk undoing what little progress we are making.

NameChanginator Thu 02-May-19 12:17:51

I feel like you're sixteen steps ahead of me Blue. She just won't wee on either potty or toilet. She knows there's a reward, but is still asking for nappy. I expected accidents, but not recognition of the need to go, ability to hold on - and absolute refusal to go except in nappy! confused

OP’s posts: |
Emmabryant123 Thu 02-May-19 12:37:02

My dd was the same
Put her back in a nappy and try again in a couple months
My dd finally cracked this at 3 years and 2 months
She's still little if she's not even 3 yet
It isn't worth getting stressed over

NameChanginator Thu 02-May-19 14:27:27

I think you're probably right Emma. I'm going to keep going today and tomorrow, as we've nothing on, and quitting after half a day seems a bit defeatist. But if it's still like this come Friday evening I'm giving up for now.

It's just weird, because she obviously recognises the need and has the control to hold it. Just doesn't want to try. I don't know how that will change...

OP’s posts: |
TheGrey1houndSpeaks Thu 02-May-19 14:29:22

Does she go to nursery? They cracked it for me with my potty refuser. Peer pressure can work wonders, even at three.

NameChanginator Thu 02-May-19 14:47:49

Yeah, she's at nursery. We've had long chats about who still wears a nappy and who uses the toilet. She can tell me all about it, just won't try herself. I might speak to them about encouraging her to try, but I don't feel like I can land a nappy-less child on them who is refusing to sit on potty at home. What happened with your little one? We're they happy to try when you'd had no luck at home? How did they start?

OP’s posts: |
Evansamr Thu 02-May-19 15:00:02

I don’t have much advice but wanted to say you’re not alone! I tried to start my DD when she was 2years 3months - first day she sat on the potty and did a wee then refused to do anymore at all! Kept trying and trying but she would hold it, just like your DD, seemingly forever. One day she held for 8 hours even though she had loads of drinks until she became frantic and just peed everywhere. It was so frustrating as she knew what he potty was for and could control her bladder, she just wouldn’t go!

Anyway, we just kept trying every few months until eventually it worked. She was 3years 5months when she cracked it. And she has had hardly any accidents and never wet the bed since training so I guess that’s a pro for doing it late! She still won’t do a poo on the toilet though, has to use the potty so that’s the next thing to tackle!

But basically, just know you’re not alone! I got so upset at how loads of children you see than my DD we already trained and thought I was a failure, but your not!!

Electrocute1980 Thu 02-May-19 15:07:14

Don't stress, try again in a few months. We tried with DS who was 3 in December just after new year and he just wasn't ready. Tried again about a week and a half ago and he's cracked it, only two accidents in about 10 days. They get there when they're ready! DD was also after 3 until she was potty trained.

MummyParanoia101 Thu 02-May-19 15:10:45

Op I could've written this 3 months ago (my DD is 4yrs & 4 months old). I was convinced it was never going to happen. She flat out refused. Then suddenly out of the blue she just.....asked to use the toilet! Then she refused number 2s and kept using nappies for it. Then suddenly out of the blue cane and informed me she had used the toilet. Yes, 4 is quite late but 🤷🏼‍♀️ She's done it.
I was nearly crying thinking she was not going to be sorted by the time school started but as soon as I stopped trying she decided to do it herself!

Please don't worry.

MissSmiley Thu 02-May-19 15:24:56

She's not ready, wait until she asks
If she's still not interested after 3 try a bit of encouragement but not yet

Baloonphobia Thu 02-May-19 15:29:17

Delayed rewards just don't have the lure of straight away ones. Maybe ditch the stickers and crack out the sweeties? You are leaving yourself open to weaning off the sweets though so I suppose you have to pick your battles.

Emmabryant123 Thu 02-May-19 15:31:27

It will change
Probably on its own
I thought my dd would be school age and in nappies
It will change she was exactly how you describe

bakergirl123 Thu 02-May-19 16:57:37

Like many others I thought that potty training wouldn’t happen with my dd she’s 4 now and it was only when she was about 3 and a half that she didn’t want to wear nappies. We had tried training her but their was no interest.. we had read the books and had lots of potties but it all comes down to them doing it in their own time. From my experience boys take longer and it’s a case of trying and keep trying but don’t exhaust yourself. Nappy breaks are needed we aren’t all perfect. Good luck

Karwomannghia Thu 02-May-19 17:07:22

My friends ds has to have a nappy on for poos even aged 5/6. I think some kids like to feel secure, weeing into the abyss is a bit strange.
She knows when she needs to go so that’s good. Just let her do it at her pace. My dd is also 3 in September but doesn’t seem to know when she needs or is doing a wee really. Though she is keen to wear pants bless her.

Emmabryant123 Thu 02-May-19 17:16:31

Also I found all bribing did was stress my dd out even more as she wanted the reward but was to scared to try the potty or toilet
It's when I backed off that she did it one day

MrBrown Thu 02-May-19 17:42:27

Delayed rewards just don't have the lure of straight away ones. Maybe ditch the stickers and crack out the sweeties?

Yeah was just coming on to say we did the same and gave a couple of chocolate buttons every time DS (who is same as as your DD) went on the potty maybe for the first 5 days or so until he fully got the hang of it. He seemed to get it quite quickly, and Nursery were really great about it and there was a few of them starting potty training at the same time. I was a bit over cautious to be fair and still put him in a pull up when we went out but it was always dry and he would ask for the toilet. Then after about 6 weeks he had a bit of a regression and was having up to 4 accidents day at nursery despite never having any at home, that's when we started the sticker chart and when he got so many stickers he got a treat. I know everyone is different but it worked for us.

Also I would leave the pants off for now. Naked from the waist down is the best way to start off, as sometimes takes a while to get the whole pulling pants and trousers down and they don't always make it in time.

Quartz2208 Thu 02-May-19 17:44:25

My DD was the same - she wasnt ready until just before 3 when she pretty much trained herself

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