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6 months away from starting school and no interest whatsoever

(15 Posts)
33goingon64 Sat 09-Mar-19 11:36:22

There are loads of threads on here about 2 and just 3 year olds wetting themselves - this is a bit different.

DS is 3.7 - starting school in September - and has never once done a wee or poo in the potty or on the toilet.

He has an older brother who he worships; we bribe him with sweets; we have a potty in the room and a child seat on the loo - everything is set up. We've suggested he tries every half an hour or so and he just keeps saying 'I don't need to go' - then he wets or soils himself. Which he doesn't even notice.

I just can't decide if he is capable and it's an attitude thing i.e. he's just extremely stubborn, or whether there's something wrong.

Any ideas?

Blahdeblahbahhhhh Sat 09-Mar-19 11:42:48

I would recommend “Oh crap potty training” book. It’s pretty regimented but very good for helping a child that reluctant.

I’m all for choosing the right time for your child. But I do think some children need to be lead more actively through it than others. You don’t sound like there are any other medical or special needs. So most likely he just doesn’t want to. So might need a concentrated effort.

In summary, you have your child nude and whenever they start weeing or pooing you redirect to the potty/toilet.
Once they are reliably seeing/pooing in the loo, you then put a t shirt on. Repeat.
Then trousers (no pants).
Short trips out.
You don’t expect child to ‘ask’ until 6-8 weeks after they are reliable.
It does work with even older children, but works best if you and another adult basically take two weeks off and make it a bit of a project. Not always practical but you’ll need at the very least 4 days totally at home.

Dinosauratemydaffodils Sat 09-Mar-19 11:43:49

Ds is similar, he's just turned 4 and whilst things have improved dramatically in recent months, he didn't want to use the potty at all and only wanted to use the toilet once he was big enough to do it all by himself. He's been pooing in the toilet for around 5 months but has only started to wee regularly in it and always standing up.

He's very busy, hates sitting still and gets so involved in playing, he doesn't want to stop and wee.

We're in Scotland though and he won't be going to school until August 2020.

TillyTheTiger Sat 09-Mar-19 11:45:31

I second the 'oh crap' method, it's quite intensive for the first week or two but it's worth it.

katienana Sat 09-Mar-19 11:48:02

Definitely recommend oh crap, my ds has never shown any interest either but since starting on Monday we're now doing really well. Seriously read the book.

33goingon64 Sat 09-Mar-19 11:48:09

Blahdeblahbahhhhh, how do they become 'reliable' if you're just redirecting them once they've started weeing/pooing? What makes them 'reliable' if they're not asking?

MigGril Sat 09-Mar-19 11:48:57

Had similar with DS he was actually older to as one of the oldest in his year. At this point I got in touch with the HV they where actually really helpful. Came out and gave us one to one support, I know in the end it was DS and me that got there but the HV support really helped, as like you I also had an older one so thought it wouldn't be a problem seconed time round.

33goingon64 Sat 09-Mar-19 11:49:38

...and is the point of the nudity for them to feel more in touch with what's going on? What's the need to go without a t-shirt? Or is it like a reward?

freedles Sat 09-Mar-19 11:51:49

My little boy is exactly the same... he is incredibly stubborn and resfused most potty training attempts before starting school. He went to school a month after he turned four. We put him in pants from the start for school and he now wees on the toilet whilst as school but getting him to use the toilet at home is a daily struggle. He won’t do a poo unless he has a nappy on. It’s very very frustrating. He is also dry at night so I know it’s not a control issue and he has never had an accident at school. He’s very academic from what school have said and socially getting on fine... I’ve spoken to the nurse a million times and the doctor. Everyone just tells us it’s his little quirk and he will get there eventually. It’s very draining though and always on our mind. Sorry I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone!

Blahdeblahbahhhhh Sat 09-Mar-19 11:54:33

The nudity is so you can watch their cues better. You are providing the link between the sensation and the potty/toilet. They come to associate the sensation of weeing with going to the potty.
So the author says they learn, in this order.
1) I have weed/pood (not automatically a skill they have in disposable nappies)

2) I’m weeing/pooing. This is when they notice and see whilst doing it.

3) I’m going to wee/poo (with no notice!)

4) Finally, they realise with enough time to get to a potty/toilet.

woolduvet Sat 09-Mar-19 12:14:47

I was a childminder and had children who didn't want to leave their toys etc and would wet themselves.
I made it a massively laboured task, they stripped with little help, they had to find wipes, they had to bag clothes, they had to find new clothes and get dressed.
Basically making it much quicker to nip to the loo rather than go through that rigmarole.
(Ch could always bring the toy they were playing with and leave it near the sink)

33goingon64 Sat 09-Mar-19 12:51:55

Very interesting. Thanks everyone. I guess the carpets/sofa take a hit but it might be worth it. I also like the idea of making them clean it up!

Bees1 Sat 09-Mar-19 17:40:23

I also recommend ‘oh crap’ and just persevering ie. go for it completely and don’t go back but I think also part of the idea of being stripped at least from the waist down is also that from a sensory perspective with underwear on they subconsciously think they are in a nappy and will just wet etc. The idea of being naked and then for a few additional days wearing, say, loose jogging bottoms but not underwear is that they don’t have that sensation of being in a nappy. It seemed to work for us. Also once they are in underwear I got fitted boxers for nursery as they asked if I minded him being just in underwear initially through the day at nursery to allow him to get to the potty quickly and the boxers just look like shorts.

33goingon64 Mon 11-Mar-19 16:50:28

In case anyone cares- we tried oh crap and it has worked!! Have stayed home for 3 days and he's weeing on potty like a trooper. Had 2 little accidents when out on school run. He's at nursery tomorrow so someone else's problem hooray but am so proud of him and grateful to you all for your advice!

Stuckforthefourthtime Mon 11-Mar-19 16:55:10

So glad it worked!

I had the same with Ds2. Modern advice to wait until they're interested works for some but I think is a big cause of so many modern kids not getting out of nappies for a long time - some kids just aren't motivated or confident without a bit of an extra push. With DS3 we also did oh crap method when he was 2.5 and it took less than a fortnight, so much better and we saved a fortune on nappies smile

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