Unreasonably frustrated that DS won't poo in potty

[HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine]

I feel like I'm far too emotionally invested in my son's potty training right now and need to rant!

So DS started potty training 6 weeks ago. He was already weeing on the potty before bath so we thought we'd give it a go. We followed the Oh Crap method. He got wees by the end of day 1 and would take himself off for a wee on the potty happily and still does. He's completely dry in the day including naps. He now wears pants etc.

He has only done 2 poos on the potty this whole time. First was a fluke I think in the first weekend, the second was basically when I caught him at as he was about to and put him on the potty and I think he just couldn't hold it in. He poos his pants every day. I'm beyond over this. I've tried Pooland, rewards, bribes, reading to him, blowing bubbles on the potty, having him bottomless again. Nothings worked. When he's bottomless he will hold it.

I'm tired of scraping poop out of pants and trousers. I'm stressed to go out with him in case he poos himself when we're out. I feel trapped in the house (not great since were in the middle of a renovation!). Basically, I feel like I've failed and whilst I don't show DS my annoyance or anything inside I'm so frustrated about the whole thing.

Any words of wisdom??

[Drogosnextwife]

I sympathise OP. It does usually take a bit longer for them to master the pooing but 6 weeks is quite a long time.
What do you say to him when he poos in the pants?

[Haggisfish]

We just put a nappy on for ages when she needed a poo.

[treegone]

Try the toilet instead. One of mine wouldn't use the potty at all for any reason. Toilet though, straight away was fine. Get a nice soft kids seat and go from there.

[HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine]

We've tried the toilet too - he has a step and a little seat to go on the big loo. When asked he will tell you that poos belong in the toilet or potty and so knows we all do it there and that's what we expect of him, but he stands and does it in pants instead. If he's mid going in pants and I try to whisk him off to finish on potty he gets very distressed so I've not done that v much as worried it might scare him more.

When he poos his pants we flush it down the toilet and say "next time you need to go poo you can do it in the potty" and in the past we teamed this with a mention of a particular treat he'd get if he did it. Now we just say the "next time" bit and clean with no fuss. We tried having him help clean up which he didn't like and explained that poos in the potty are much easier as no messy clean up.

He doesn't ask for a nappy. He just goes in pants.

[LovingLola]

How old is he ?

[Jenala]

DS also went straight to toilet for poos but was distressed to do it for awhile. We bought a couple of kids books off Amazon about pooing in toilets etc which seemed to really help.
Guess it might not if he's not distressed.

[SleepWarrior]

Is there a pattern for when he likes to poo?

Is it after a meal, when he wakes up etc?

I used to put mine on the potty with a cartoon when I thought a poo was due (after dinner) and it sometimes worked. If they refused to sit, cartoon went off. We didn't end up stuck in a cycle of needing TV to poo either, just a couple of weeks to establish the potty as acceptable.

Other thoughts - does he tell you when a poo is coming or just when it's arrived? You could try giving him a jelly bean if he can tell you before anything comes out, then gradually upgrade to a jelly bean if he can sit on the potty/toilet before anything comes out.

You will get there though. The midst of slow potty training feels like forever but it WILL get sorted!

[chilledteacher]

We were advised by HV with DS1 to put a clean open nappy in the potty for him to poo into and gradually transfer it away. Worked brilliantly

[burbleburble]

DD did this for an entire year. Fortunately, she would only do it at home, not when out (or at nursery).

I just accepted it was part of life, and did my best not to get stressed with her. Friends of mine had a son who wouldn't poo on the potty. He sensed their stress, and started withholding, which led to constipation. He now has to use movicol, his rectum is stretched and doesn't work properly, and he leaks a bit - he's 9. DD didn't withhold (for more than a few hours to get home), has a healthy digestive system and uses the toilet normally. Hang on in there!

[bellinisurge]

Yep,clean open nappy in the potty. Sit on the nappy open on the potty. Worked wonders for progress.

[bellinisurge]

Also blow bubbles (real or imaginary) while sat on the potty. Makes all the right muscles work. And is so much fun

[IsAStormApporaching]

My ds was like this. Learn to wee prefect but poo was a nightmare.
Eventually when he pooped on his pants we would scoop it and put it into the poor where it should be.
Then get him to help empty it into the big toilet and cheer.
Eventually something clicked and he got it.

[Haggisfish]

Have you tried pull ups so you can just bum pants after?

[TheatreMumma]

Have you tried having him not wear anything on his bottom half when at home? Pants might feel quite similar to nappies for him. Once my son got the hang of it at home without anything on, I then moved to loose trousers and finally added pants after a couple of weeks when he'd mastered it. Good luck!

[Nothingunpleasant]

How old is he?

DS went straight to the loo, hated the potty. We bought a padded child seat and a step (he never sat down for a wee) and apart from a couple of times when he asked for a nappy (we still had pull ups at night) he cracked it. So maybe try a seat?

[HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine]

Thanks for all the replies!

He is 2.5 and happily goes wee on both potty and big toilet and I've tried both for poos but without much success.

I've got a few days off next week for a long weekend where I could have 5 full days with DS. I'm planning to have him naked from waist down (again... I've tried this quite a few times already!) the whole time and stay at home. I know that if he just let himself poo in the potty/loo a few times consecutively that the whole emotional/worries would stop. I've got some toys I know he'll absolutely love and have put them in a see through lidded box and told him it's a potty prize box for poos on the loo/potty. I've also made him a new sparkly reward chart and one for me and daddy too so that it won't feel like all the pressure is on him (hopefully!). Wish me luck!

In the meantime, we're gonna read his potty books every night again (we have quite the selection at this point )!

He doesn't ask for a nappy so not sure the open nappy thing would help as he basically gives me no real clues until I catch him mid-poo in his poo stance! When he's naked from the waist down I can tell more because he holds it a bit so does a poo dance!

[crazychemist]

Good luck, OP! My DD had a real poo issue. She stubbornly held it for 4 days and ended up really quite constipated (we had to give her Movicol to shift it). She was completely fine with wees but seemed to find the position of the potty difficult as she was used to pooing standing with a little bit of a squat. As soon as she sat down she couldn’t get the muscles right and would get really frustrated and upset.

Go no pants again. Once DD had managed twice, problem was over. We have had quite a period of time with “false starts”. After dinner (poo o’clock!) I leave her bare bottom again for an hour or two. She usually takes herself to the potty a couple of times to do a wee and pass gas before she actually does a poo. That seems to take the stress out of it for her, and then she has no trouble producing on third/fourth sitting. O probably bare bottom for 15 minutes each evening now.

[MigGril]

It isn't just an emotional issue, it is easier to go standing up. Therefore changing to a sitting down position can be quite hard to do. Just try to go with it sounds like your doing a good job and not showing your frustration. He will get there don't worry.

[HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine]

Thanks guys - appreciate the support and helpful comments!

Any other advice welcome!

[KTD27]

Just checking in to say my very nearly three year old is the same. Wees were cracked in a day but we are pretty touch and go with poos. He keeps doing it in his pants and almost cutting himself off mid poo so we can have a few accidents in a day. When he’s home we do pants off and I’m maybe maybe seeing a little progress - he will go to the potty to fart for example - he just seems to be taking a while to work out what needing a poo feels like.
We are a month in and I feel your pain!

[GenevaJoey]

I potty trained my 2 year old in September for wees, but it has been 6 months of refusing to poo on the toilet. It has been beyond frustrating but luckily for us not extremely messy as she poos in her nappy at nap time (it ruins her nap, which is vv annoying, but not messy) but I have found it so so frustrating.

We aren't completely there yet but we have made a.breakrhrough over the past few weeks..the things that I think have worked for us:

1. time, with constantly reinforcing the message poos go in the toilet.
   
   
2. bribes with immediate gratification. Blueberries and raisins didn't cut it. Smarties made a.big difference to the extent she will now go on the toilet and shoot out a little poo in order to get some sweets (cannot believe she manages to get one up on me every time).
   
   
3. poo goes to Poo land app watched when on the toilet.
   
   I saw it was beginning to sink in and then a few weekends ago I sat with her for almost an hour every day on successive days reading books and singing songs,.and we finally got there. Seriously.we.both cried with happiness.
   
   As.i say not completely there yet, as she still.poos on her nappy at nap time sometimes, or.does little poos on the toilet and then her main bit poo in the nappy. The fear has gone from going to the toil t though so just need to work on her crazy lazy ways...oh and she has mostly stopped asking for sweetie rewards for her poo triumph as well.
   
   Good luck! I feel your pain, but you'll find a way. Perhaps you can use pull ups to contain the mess and continue trying on the toilet and reinforcing the message.

[HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine]

Thought I'd update... Today was day 1 of no-pants/bottomless at home. I'm off until Tuesday so thought I'd give it a good go. After about 40mins of distracting DS with play doh whilst he was in the potty he finally did a poo! He got a lot of praise and a reward. Will see how tomorrow goes!

[SleepWarrior]

That's a great start!

[icklekid]

I was going to suggest exactly that- sit on potty and distract so he relaxes- reading a book or even watching TV 🤫
The nappy in the potty trick is quite clever if he doesn't like the sensation of pooing into potty as for some children this is dramatically different from in pants/nappies. But sounds like you have made a great start anyway!!

[HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine]

Another day of potty pooping boot camp over here ... he did 2 poos and both in the potty!! Definitely being naked from waist down is forcing him to consider the potty rather than default to going in his pants .... and he is completely besotted with the prizes he's chosen from the prize box I made up (he's taken them to bed with him ). Continuing with this method until Tues when he is back in nursery - praying the success continues!