Potty training and Nursery

[tammie49]

DS turned 3 in December and has been at the same nursery since he was 10 months. They have been (mostly) fantastic and my DD is now there too. Last summer (so DS was 2.5) they started mentioning potty training but he clearly wasn't ready and I wasn't worried. They told me that once he was trained/training they would look at moving him up to preschool.
We tried in October for 2 weeks and it was a disaster. He was running out of spares at nursery and coming home in tights, he was refusing pants and started to refuse the toilet/potty. After a very traumatic trip to a play gym I put him back in pull ups. I know I wouldn't have persevered for so long if it weren't for the pressure from nursery. I met with the nursery manager as I was becoming increasingly upset at seeing children I know to be the same age as my son going up to preschool. I also know (from other parents) that children have gone up there 'trained' and have had to go back into pull ups/nappies. She assured me that they'd move him after Christmas in pull ups but they refuse to change nappies in preschool. He hasn't been moved. For our part we have him out of a nappy at home and he's doing ok but he WILL NOT wear pants. Nursery say they look "at the whole child" but as far as I can see toileting is the only reason he hasn't been moved and he is still in the toddler room with much younger children. DS is bright and I resent the implication that he is somehow behind. He's only in nursery 2 days a week and it's an outstanding nursery which is really close to our house. I refuse to train for their convenience. DS is so against it now after last time - I need to build his confidence.
So - any ideas? Any actual policy I can go back to nursery with? I don't like to use the word but I feel he is being discriminated against.

[moreismore]

I think you’re right to do it on your terms not theirs. Have you established how they deal with accidents? Is there something in their approach that’s worrying him maybe? Are they waiting for him to ask? I found that took a lot longer and especially at nursery with lots of distractions they had to just take him every hour or so. Does he have to wear pants??

I would maybe request a meeting and go through this and their relevant policies. At the moment they are failing him.

[tammie49]

I met with her before and she talks and talks and you don't get anywhere. It's frustrating. She promised at the last meeting that they would move him regardless and they haven't.
I'm not sure how exactly they deal with accidents but I know they're very nice and they do keep reminding/taking them. Before he was doing a tiny wee on the potty then the rest 5 minutes later. I just think he doesn't like wetting himself and if I put pants on him he'll probably get mixed up. I bought boxers to try but he's on to me. We tried commando last time but the poo 🤢