Struggling *no judging me please*

[darkangel91]

Hello

I am struggling to get my 5 year old son to not only use a toilet/potty but he won't even tell me when he needs a wee until he has done it.
The odd thing is he is dry at night but not during the day,
We have tried sticker charts, treats when he has done a wee, tried taking toys away etc

Please don't judge me for this as I'm already feeling pretty bad about all of this

[NoTeaNoShadeNoPinkLemonade]

I'm not sure what could be causing this but I wouldnt use any negative consequences for failing ie the toy removal, he will just become anxious and could cause this to carry on a lot longer. Is he reception age, perhaps speak to school nurse or health visitor.
I did have similar with my son, where he wouldnt tell me he had done it but he knew he had done it, he would remove wet clothes and i would only find out when i saw him strolling around nakex! He was also wetting at night thougj. He has asd and had a late diagnosis so i dont know if thats 'the norm' for sen kids? But best thing to do is check with g.p first that its not a uti causing it, then on to school nurse or H.V.

[SleepWarrior]

No judgement, it's not always easy. Although obviously this is something that will massively benefit both of you to figure out.

Do you think he is unaware of weeing or has just got into a bad habit/a little lazy with it? If it's the former then you need the GP involved really.

If just lazy, does he use nappies/pullups? If yes, (and you definitely think he's properly aware of needing to wee but choosing to ignore it) then i'd choose a few days to stay in the house. Have a couple of potties available and just have him in pants and top. Then (in a really kind and supportive way) get him to clean up any puddles with old towels, spray and dry the floor etc. Show him how to load the towels into the washing machine and run a wash. Lots of praise for taking responsibility for his messes, encouragement to try the potty next time so he doesn't have to clean up.

Only if you've eliminated any medical causes though. It would be cruel to do that if he physically can't hold it in to get to the potty.

[Bluerussian]

Good suggestions from SleepWarrior.

No-one is going to criticise or judge you, darkangel, we feel for you. I'm sure you've done everything you can. Sometimes it's just like that, kids are all so different. He will change but it's hard for you at the moment.

[RandomLetters]

Definitely worth getting in touch with www.eric.org.uk They're experts on all things toilet training related

[darkangel91]

He is in school yes
And they have referred us over to the incontinence team to see is something else could be going on.
I think he is struggling to recognise when he needs to go, but I can't be 100% sure if that's what it is.
He is having other tests done as his only 93.5cm tall and about 14kg in weight so there is a clear medical issue there just more questions than answers at the moment

[Harriet231]

My son went through the same thing. He'd tell me he 'didn't feel it coming'. I found myself getting into a right old state as I knew he needed to wee but he would deny it and then it became a bit of a battle. I backed off and stopped nagging him and he eventually got it. Still now at age 6 if I ask him to go he will tell me he doesn't need a wee but we haven't had any accidents for a long time, so I'd say try backing off a bit and stick at it. He will get it eventually!

[Harriet231]

You could also try making a game of it. Put some ping pong balls in the toilet and ask him to see if he can hit them with his wee (don't worry they just float and won't flush down the loo). You can also get little target stickers which you can stick on the back of the loo - I found some on amazon. Or challenge him to see if he can do a wee that lasts to the count of ten.

[darkangel91]

Thank you for all the ideas

I will have a look for some children potty teaching type books and try and get him interested