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My 3 year old doesnt seem to care about wetting herself!

(30 Posts)
Bambi84 Mon 19-Nov-18 16:36:05

Hi, this is the first time I've ever posted on a forum but I'm just at my wits end and don't know what else to do😕

My daughter is currently 3 years 5 months and we started potty training when she was around 2 as she seemed interested. We did the whole sticker chart approach and she seemed to get it but never had a proper dry day. After doing this for about 6 months things started to go down hill again and we were having constant accidents and refusing to use the potty or toilet. We decided to revert back to nappies as didn't want to force her. We then waited about a month and tried again with her, this time using sweets as a reward, and general praise as always when she used the toilet or potty. This has been going well but we still have never had a more than a couple of days where she has been dry. At pre school the teachers say she runs off and uses the toilet but still has accidents which I expect to happen what with all the distractions! Up until about two weeks ago things were getting alot better and she was coming home dry from pre school, still not 100% at home though. But now she has reverted back to having constant accidents and not even caring that she's completely drenched in wee. Sometimes she will say "mummy I think I've weed myself" , but most of the time she doesn't seem bothered and just sits around wet. It's so frustrating as I know she knows how to do it! She go's for no 2s on toilet no problem! Nowadays if I ask her if she needs a wee she says no. And the only way to get her to go is to sit her on it kicking and screaming which I know isn't helping! I've literally tried everything. Shes been bottomless around the house, left alone to do it on her own accord, praised for good ignored for bad... But its all the same result. Wet trousers or puddles. 😔

I really don't want to revert back to nappies again as I feel this will just confuse her more.

Has anyone else experienced similar and had any success with something?Any advice will be greatly appreciated! 🙏🏻Xxx

Thecomfortador Thu 29-Nov-18 10:29:42

No advice as in similar predicament, ds is just about 3, we had some success but then he stopped telling us he needed the toilet. Now he will do poos on the toilet but will wet himself and sit in it without saying anything, and this morning has stood and watched himself wet the kitchen floor twice. No idea whether to plough on or take a step back. Wish I had a crystal ball. We've promised a chocolate button for wees on the toilet or potty but he just doesn't seem to be connecting.

Bambi84 Thu 29-Nov-18 14:15:28

Ah sounds exactly the same! My little girl couldn't really care for stickers or chocolates any more which makes or even harder! All though she had been a bit better this last week and had much less accidents so just going to keep persisting with the laid back just keep asking approach as she would rather do it on her own accord any way. Very independent young lady 😂 Fingers crossed you'd ds gets it soon for you, it will save all the washing anyway! 😁 Xx

Ohyesiam Thu 29-Nov-18 14:21:53

My dd got bored with taking herself to the loo. I discovered this when she wee d on the floor ( yet again)just as we got to soft play and gave me a triumphant smile. I think she enjoyed having some power, as if made it abundantly clear that I’d do Just about anything to get her to use the loo/ potty. We left immediately her shouting that she wouldn’t do it again.
She never did.

It might not be a power struggle with yours, but it might be worth a try if you are sure she is competent.

Lmagic Thu 10-Jan-19 20:05:46

Oh I can so sympathise, my daughter and yours sound so very similar, I'm having exactly the same bother which drives me nuts sometimes.

I'm having more of an issue with her at preschool where when she's anxious she wees! I'm trying to find a solution to this but I've no idea what. 😵 I don't want her starting school still wetting when she feels anxious I need to get to the bottom of things but the health visitors don't know what to suggest. The doctors just say it's a health visitors problem and not theirs 🙄 Where's the help when you need it! It's the first time I've been on here too 😊xx

Tinyteatime Thu 10-Jan-19 20:17:55

I’ve just been through the exact same thing with my 3yo dd. She just didn’t care about being wet. She has finally improved at 3 yrs 8months. It’s so frustrating but I would suggest just keep plodding on. It really felt never ending as I also trained 1st when she was around 2. It was at the point where I was wondering if there was a physical problem. Rule out things like a urine infection, any life changes like starting nursery or new sibling? I think these two things made my dd go downhill even more. She never had a problem pooing either so at least that’s one thing! It’s a hell of a lot of washing.

Bambi84 Fri 11-Jan-19 08:42:51

Thanks everyone for your replys, feels good knowing that I'm not alone, but sorry to hear you're going through similar as I know how frustrating it is!

I must say though that we have had a bit of a break through lately, probably for the last month or so she's been taking herself off to the loo herself and staying dry, well the odd wet patch here and there but not complaining about that as she's only learning and this is great progress!
I don't really know what the turning point was, think it was just constant persistance that she went, and over excitement from me when she actually did! Also I think the whole santa is watching thing helped😄
So she is mostly dry now most days and when she is wriggling around obviously holding herself I tend to speedily carry her making a game out of it as she will wet herself if she runs. I keep reiterating to her that she needs to go sooner so hopefully that will come soon.

But so pleased that she's finally getting it. She starts pre school again soon so will see how she gets on there! 🤞🏻Hope everyone else has a breakthrough soon too!

AmandaJPearson Fri 11-Jan-19 08:49:44

Foe liitlboys going to the toilet can be made into a game. With a clean and dry toilet bowl draw a bulls eye target and encourage him to play at getting the bulls eye everytime. Acrylic paint works best with the use of three or four colours

BlueJag Fri 11-Jan-19 09:43:50

I had a nightmare potty training it was hard until he went to reception.
If I had my time again I'll probably would buy some cloth nappies not pull ups.
The wet cold feeling of a cloth nappy would be awful.
Problem with kids now is that life it's too comfortable. Nappies are fantastic they don't feel the wet or cold.
My dm potty trained us at 13 months. She had 3 babies in 3 years so no messing about. I struggled for years even with my mother's advice. sad

Thecomfortador Fri 11-Jan-19 12:07:51

Glad she's getting it. Ds1 is still up and down, I think maybe I just need to now talk about it more as it seems to work when we've gone over several times what he has to do when going to Nana's etc. Had been holding back a bit as didn't want him to feel pushed and rebel against that (as seems to be his personality).

I know what you mean about your mother's advice, BlueJag, I think my mum thinks I just ignore her as we were all trained before 2, but I've honestly tried everything she says - it's the child who is quirky!

Thecomfortador Fri 11-Jan-19 12:10:26

Laughing at the game for boys - ds1 not big enough to wee standing up even with a step. I suppose we could pile a couple of books under the step.

Takemetovegas Sat 12-Jan-19 03:22:47

I think she sees going to the toilet as boring. My Dd1 was the same and I'll tell you what we (I) did that worked.

Did and I picked out a big "prize", from memory it was a board game. It sat on top of the fridge and she was told that if she had dry pants for two weeks she would get it! I bought a stack of $1 toys and put them in a bag lucky dip style. Now we knew that she could go to the toilet but it was the staying dry part that mattered so our language changed to "are you dry?" Not "do you need a wee" and she could choose a prize for staying dry to the target time. IE if you stay dry till the end of this TV show (you know they will but you got to get a few wins on the board so they get a hunger for it), then lunch time, then all day (useful for nursery) and then a couple of days and when they've won all of that the big prize comes in to play and they must stay dry for two whole weeks to get it.

Bonus points if your DC isn't too bright and you can refill the bag with already won prizes. 

MyBanana Sat 12-Jan-19 09:03:53

Bambi I could have written your original post as it’s so similar to my experience with my daughter. She’s 3 years and 4 months, started potty training about a year ago and although she got it she’s never been all that bothered. Only ever had problems with wees, which had been ok but recently have been awful and she’s having constant big accidents. From reading the posts on this thread it looks like perseverance is the answer and hopefully it’s just a blip that will pass soon, but it’s been so stressful.

Thank you to all of you posting similar experiences. I feel like I’m surrounded by people whose toddlers have been great with using the potty and toilet since early on while I’m still dealing with issues a year later.

Lmagic Sat 12-Jan-19 20:30:26

My Banana - my daughter is 3 yrs 5 mths and I started training her over a year now too, we have such very very slow progress, I think I just want her never to have any accidents but she has loads and it drives me crazy. I think it's just down to persistence and perseverance which are both so hard to continue with when the wetting just keeps coming. I think my daughter is lazy sometimes, doesn't care if she's wet or dry some days either which is frustrating and will be going to school Sept. we've told her tonight that from now on if she wees she's going to wash them out in the sink with mummy or daddy in the hope that she will get fed up with this so we will see! She had reminders today to go for wees and she was telling us she didn't need to but we insisted she went to the toilet and they were already wet 😳 It's so annoying. Xx

MyBanana Sat 12-Jan-19 22:24:03

Hi Lmagic, it sounds like our daughters are very similar. Mine really isn’t bothered about being wet and her nursery even commented this week that she doesn’t seem fussed at all about having numerous accidents, It’s like it’s all become very normal for her. She is also starting school in September and I worry so much that she’ll be the youngest in her class and struggle to use the toilet without someone constantly telling her to go. This past week has been the worst since we started training her which is why I’m online looking for advice again. I actually followed the advice of takemetovegas today and instead of asking if she needed a wee constantly I asked if she was dry, and it worked! I told her if she could stay dry all day that she could watch an episode of her favourite show and for the first time in weeks she’s been dry. I have no idea whether it will work again tomorrow but it’s given me some hope that she can do this and to just stick with it. It’s so hard though, I had no idea a year ago what hard work it would be!

Lmagic Sat 12-Jan-19 23:22:32

Why your tactic has worked 😀 that's amazing, fingers crossed it will do the same tomorrow 🤞🏻🤞🏻 let's hope so. Maybe I should try it lol
My daughter will be 4 years 1 mth old when she starts, I personally think it's too young but they are all so different. I haven't trained her to wipe her own bum yet and I've not trained her to fully dress herself either. It's like we have to rush them to do all this and we lose our baby just so to get them to start their education 😩 poor kids. Xx

Lmagic Sat 12-Jan-19 23:29:57

I'm gonna try tomorrow are you dry approach and see if it works 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 I think I'm going to say to her if your dry all day you can go on the Nintendo Switch for the first time! Let's hope this incentive helps. Xx

kezzy13 Sun 13-Jan-19 17:23:16

Could have written this about ds, 4 years 4 months.

He has gone through 3 pairs of trousers and pants today.

I'm going to try the 'are you dry' thing tomorrow and see if it works, we've also made up a game with 'tickets' if he gets more green (for using toilet) than blue (For wetting himself) then he can choose a small reward.

MyBanana Sun 13-Jan-19 20:28:55

We’ve had another dry day today which seems like a miracle after a terrible week. She’s really enjoying all the praise she’s getting and seems really pleased with herself at staying dry. She’s back at nursery tomorrow so we’ll see if it continues but I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed

Lmagic Sun 13-Jan-19 21:28:37

I did the "are you dry?" and if your dry all day you can play on the video game (Nintendo Switch) for the first time. Amazingly that worked 😀 I did also give her a marshmallow each time she was dry too 😀

I'm hoping she will be ok at preschool tomorrow but I'm not 100% sure as she has anxiety there xx

Takemetovegas Mon 14-Jan-19 21:59:47

I'm so happy that there are lots of dry happy toddlers and Mums!!!

MyBanana Mon 14-Jan-19 22:12:41

Takemetovegas - it really has worked! It’s like asking a the question differently has completely changed the way she thinks about it. Like staying dry is a competition she can win and gets lots of praise for. Thank you for suggesting it, you’re a hero.

Kezzy - hows your son getting on?

kezzy13 Tue 15-Jan-19 19:29:03

mybanana
We've had 2 fully dry days (he did poo in his overnight nappy but that's a whole new problem!)

MyBanana Thu 17-Jan-19 14:08:29

We’ve gone back to accidents yesterday and today, so frustrating. Guessing she’s just got bored like other times we’ve tried before. Now if I ask if she’s dry she says “I don’t want to tell you.....” which means no basically!

Lmagic Thu 17-Jan-19 20:24:24

A lot of the time no two days are the same, do you find that too? No pattern either which can be so annoying. I hope it passes soon for you and things improve again. Today we had one pair of wet pants at preschool, yesterday 2 pairs and one pair Monday & Tuesday. Are you using a good incentive at all so she's got something to look forward to if she remains dry? Xx

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