Help!! Daughter is terrified of the potty/toilet!!

[Staceyrhe]

I'm in desperate need of advice.

My daughter is starting school nursery in January so we're trying to potty train. She will happily wear big girl pants, not wee or poo herself, tell me if she needs a wee or a poo, will sometimes consider sitting on a potty or toilet (sometimes without the need for bribes of chocolates, sweets AND cake) but will never wee or poo in it and if she needs to, will shake, cry and ask for her nappy back on to do her business in.
We've tried 5 different potties and toilet seats, bribes of treats, sticker charts etc and I'm worried that she'll never be trained in time for January!!

Please help! X

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

I don't really know but I'd take a break for now. Put all the potties, underwear etc away and don't mention it.

Spend the next month modelling going to the toilet with her, so talk through everything you're doing in a light, chatty way. Don't relate it to her at all but just keep chatting 'Ooh this seat feels a bit cold when I first sit down. Sure it'll warm up soon. Ooh can you here the wee coming out now?' etc etc. I realise this sounds ridiculous but I would be trying to make her fee completely comfortable with the whole process of going to the toilet.

Then pick a quiet few days next month (or whenever you think suits). Spend a couple of days at home with a dress on, no bottoms. Don't ask her if she needs the loo or ask her to tell you. You need to watch for the sign that she needs a wee and prompt her without pressuring 'I can see you need a wee. The potty/toilet is right there.' And then leave her to it. If she wees on the floor, pick her up, tell her to hold it and carry her to the potty/toilet.

After a day (two if she needs it), add loose bottoms (pjs, joggers) but no underwear for the first 3-4 weeks. You need to break the connection between the tight feeling of a nappy and weeing.

I used the Oh Crap book which does recommend training between 20 and 30 months but I still think the method is worth a read.

[luckiestgirl]

My son has ASD and had a similar fear of the toilet, though he knew when he needed to poo/wee. I made this flip chart (attached pictures) and let him find it. We talked through exactly what happens in the whole toilet process so it became less scary. Then I kept him naked so next time he needed a wee he came and told me he needed a nappy. I told him we’ve run out of nappies “but look, here’s a chocolate surprise egg on the shelf in the toilet, and when you do a wee in the toilet, you can eat this surprise egg. Let’s go through the flip chart one by one to do a wee on the toilet.” Made it very fun and upbeat. He resisted a couple of times but the fact that there were no nappies because we’d ‘run out’ so it was his only option, plus the pull of the bribe, plus knowing what to do because of the chart- he got it straight away and used the toilet ever since.

[LittleBookofCalm]

does she go to mothers and toddlers or anythign where there are others in the same position. ie can she go with a Friend?

[LittleBookofCalm]

does she have pretty knickers?

[chloe1991]

sounds like you are close, i cant give much advice but my dd is 3.5 and she was trained a few months before her 3rd birthday. we didnt push her we just waited until she was starting to show signs that she was ready. for us she started telling us when she wanted her nappy changed (she would get the mat, the wipes and the nappy ready 😂). when she did that a few times we bought 2 potties one for her room and one for the bathroom we didnt mention it but after we changed her butt we would sit her on the potty before putting her nappy on just to get used to it. a few months later she started to use her nappy less hold it and tell me, i would sit her on the potty and she would go few weeks later she was nappy free in the daytime. its different for every child. If it was me i would go back to nappies relive the pressure from you and her. worst come to worst she isnt potty trained she will look at the other kids and it will be peer pressure that they are dry sounds harsh but its true. nursery staff should also be really helpful and enforcing that your dd goes to the toilet/potty. if you try again, no bottoms and just watch if she needs it like pp said you may get the odd accident but just clean it up and dont make a fuss about it and just keep trying. good luck and dont worry everyone is different and takes their own time.