Night training - to persevere or go back to pull ups WDYT?

[Userwhatevernumber]

Hi was looking for a consensus on whether you would keep going with night training or give up and go back to pull ups in these circumstances.

My DD is 4 and with all the recent heat, she had been taking off her pull ups first thing, or even still in the night, because she was wet, and she said that the wet pull ups made her feel hot and sticky, (“yucky” she said) so we agreed to give night training a go.

It’s been nearly three weeks, she is much happier going to bed without them (she is sleeping bare due to the heat) but she is wetting every night and hasn’t been dry yet.

We have tried picking her up to the loo 2 times in the night, but sometimes she gets upset (she is half asleep) and doesn’t want to and resists.

DH is now saying that we can’t keep washing bedsheets every single morning, and that if she isn’t ready to go to the toilet in the night then she needs to go back to pull ups.

For a bit of back story, we had a similar thing with her day potty training when she was 2 1/2, as in, we started for a couple of weeks, then gave up and put her back in nappies, which I wish we hadn’t of done, as she was actually just beginning to get it, I think it confused her and made it even harder when we tried again a couple of months later, when she was a bit more resistant.

DH admits he has less patience than me and thinks that if she was ready, she would have cracked it by now.

I don’t want to keep her in pull-ups longer than she needs and I want to try to foster her independence and confidence so feel we should keep going without until she gets it.
I know there was a similar thread here I think yesterday or the day before which is what made me think about posting, but I think that child had some dry pull-ups, but she was younger than DD. DD is starting reception in September, I know that isn’t a problem as no one at school needs to know, but I was more thinking it might be good for her own self esteem if she didn’t have nappies, but DH thinks it will be worse for her self esteem if she id waking in a wet bed every morning.

We have got the disposable mattress protector mats, but these still allow for the sheets to get wet.

Yesterday morning, DH was really short tempered with her when he went in to change the sheets and told her off, which I thought was unfair. This morning she has obviously tried to hide it by putting the blankets and covers over the bed (I know she didn’t sleep with them on) and has not wanted me to go to her bed to change it. I told her I am not cross and she will not be in trouble, but she is denying she has wet and said she doesn’t want me to see or go in her room, and is getting herself upset.

I’ve never seen this in her before (denying me to go to her bed) and i’m Worried she has now become ashamed because of DH losing his temper with her yesterday morning.

Would appreciate your thoughts.

[SweepTheHalls]

I would put her back in pull ups, her body just isn't ready yet.

[Bezm]

She's upset because she's been shouted at for doing something she has absolutely no control over.
My DD wet the bed until she was about 9.
We didn't make a big thing if it. We would put her on the loo when we went to bed, but it didn't stop it. She had a mattress protector on, then a sheet then a thick bath towel. She had a bowl by her bed. When she wet, she would take the towel off and put it in the bowl, take off her pyjama bottoms and go back to sleep. No big deal! I just had a good supply of sheets and towels and it took seconds to sort her bed out each morning. Some children are just bed wetters. We didn't even go to the GP about it as I was confident she would grow out of it, which she did. ( she was actually out of nappies by about 18 months and had no accidents at all in the daytime)

[Userwhatevernumber]

Thanks sweep, how to I help her body to become ready, do I carry on trying to take her to the loo during the night time?

[NoBirthdayHugs]

You can’t usually train for night dryness and it’s not considered a problem until a child is 6 years old. It happens when children develop the antiduretic hormone, which makes us produce less urine at night and this can happen at a different rate. Bladder size and how deeply someone sleeps can also effect it.

I would have a gentle conversation with your DD and explain that her body isn’t ready for being dry at night yet, that it’s not her fault and you can try again in a few months.

Whether pull-ups or wet sheets is a personal choice which depends on which is more comfortable and manageable. If the extra washing is causing difficulties pull-ups May be better. Taking a child out of night-nappies before they’ve shown any signs of readiness (eg: dry pull-ups in the morning, getting up to have a wee in the night) won’t usually make a difference to how quickly they are able to stay dry at night.

You also need to have a strict word with you’re husband for shouting at your DD - this is not her fault and you should ever, ever make a child feel ashamed of a toileting accident. Your poor DD can’t help it if her body isn’t ready to be dry at night yet and shouting at her won’t make her produce the right hormone or make her bladder grow, but it will effect her confidence and self-esteem.

[insancerre]

Put her back in pull ups
You can't train for night dryness
Its down to muscle development and hormone production
Neither of which she has any control of

[Userwhatevernumber]

Bezm I know DH should not have shouted at her and I did address this with him and reminded him that this wouldn’t help matters, and we ended up having this argument about whether or not to continue to go back to pull ups.

Bezm can I ask, was your DD wearing pull ups? I don’t know if I can cope with washing and changing sheets and towels every day for another 5 years...

[bengalcat]

Go back to pull-ups - less distressing for child - we're all dry at night eventually

[NoBirthdayHugs]

Also, lifting a child at night and taking them to the toilet is generally seen to hinder children in growing out of bed wetting as they don’t usually wake fully and so it teaches them to wee whilst half-asleep rather than to learn to listen to their body and wake when they need a wee.

The best thing you can do at the moment is to look for signs of readiness to try again (dry pull-ups, waking in night to go for a wee) and ensure good bowel and bladder habits in the day - drinking plenty of water across the day, at least 4 poos a week (constipation can aggravate bedwetting), emptying the bladder fully before bed.

If in a year or so your daughter is still wetting the bed then it is worth talking to yourGP, but before the age of 5/6 it’s considered normal. It’s also worth noting that when parents became dry at night can also indicate when a child will, if either you or your husband were still wetting the bed past the age of four there’s a good chance your child will too.

[Userwhatevernumber]

Nobirthdayhugs thank you I didn’t know that about lifting her at night, I thought it would be good to try to empty her bladder but I see about the weeing in her sleep thing, as she doesn’t wake up.

Thanks for the suggestions, i’ll talk to her today about going back to having pull ups.

[Userwhatevernumber]

Also I think I can remember wetting the bed myself, so I can’t have been that young. Not sure about DH, MIL insists that he was toiltetrained at 1 though so probably wasn’t late.

Thanks for the information

[gerbo]

Night time dryness is completely beyond a child's control. I have two children, my first was dry at 2.5, my second is still wetting nightly at 8.5.

Seriously, I can't see the problem people have with this! Just use pull-ups. Yes, it's an expense, but you just have to wait it out.

We've had two gp appts about this. The first made a bit of a fuss and said try sleep alarms, etc., the second said it's very common, let nature take its course. We're doing that!

People keep it to themselves but I know for a fact (from talking to other parents and cub camp leaders) that in my child's class of 30 there are at least 5 other children in the same boat.

Don't worry, op! There's also medication available for times like cub/brownie camp etc which help temporarily.

[schooltripwoes]

I don't think you can really might-time toilet train. Their bodies just develop when they're ready and then they stop wetting.
And don't worry about school - there are lots of 4,5,6 and even 7-8 year olds that still wet at night.

[Flisspaps]

Neither of mine were dry at night until they were 6.

DD was nearly 7 in fact, and DS is 6.5 and still in pull ups.

Both were potty trained at 2.5 years.

DD was literally ready out of the blue one day, she stopped weeing at night just before her 7th birthday, and that was that. I expect DS will be similar.