This doesn’t bode well!

[graysor]

So I’m all set for starting potty training dd (2.5) on Friday. I’ve read the oh crap book, on the advice of many posters on here. I have all the kit ready, we’ve been reading princess polly potty or whatever her name is.

This afternoon dd was pottering around and I was flicking through oh crap, refreshing my memory of the key points.

Dd came over:

Dd: what are you doing mummy?
Me: I’m reading this book.
Dd: can you read it to me?
Me: yes, it’s all about how big girls and boys use the potty and the toilet to do their wees and poos. That’s what you’re going to do soon.
Dd: no I’m not. Put the book away. You don’t need that.

Dd then threw the book under the stairs.

Normally she is only too happy to tell me how she’s a big girl and not a baby anymore.

This is not going to go well is it?!

[Drumknott]

Can't remember what the book's position is, but this is where bribes come in: you want to make her and your interests coincide...

[graysor]

The book definitely doesn’t condone bribery.

Tbh we’re just going to be winging it, as we’ve already done lots wrong by the book, and haven’t even started yet!

What’s the optimum bribe?

[skankingpiglet]

I've had luck with a headstrong toddler and the Oh Crap book. It's not been quick (2 months for first day of no accidents, although many with 1 a day. This was her stubbornness rather than the book IMO) but it has worked nicely. I did combine it with bribery however. Chocolate buttons. Lots of them and extra for DD1 who started throwing tantrums that she wasn't also getting them . Stickers are another popular bribe with others but isn't something DD2 is fussed about.

Just give it a go OP. Worst case, if after 3 days it's total disaster with no glimmer of improvement, shelve the idea for a month or two before trying again. It's worth a punt, and it certainly sounds like her comprehension is up to it!

[graysor]

Her comprehension is 100% there, no doubt about it!

But she is very stubborn and defiant. She always contradicts whatever I say if she doesn’t like the idea. For example if I say yes dd we can do x. I just have to go to the toilet first. She will reply with. No mummy you don’t need to go to the toilet.

If she doesn’t want to sit on the potty I’m not sure how I will be able to encourage (force?) her.

She’s not too fussed about stickers. Chocolate buttons could be a goer, but I anticipate tantrums about wanting more more more chocolate.

[graysor]

Ugh I feel so defeatist. I really need to embrace a bit of positive mental attitude!

[DrRanjsRightEyebrow]

Do the both of you a favour and just wait. Wait until she is ready and willing. It won't be too much longer and it will happen eventually. As long as she is ready and keen to do it, it's so easy and mess free. If she really doesn't want to do it and you push her you can get into a nightmare of witholding issues etc. And mess. And a lot of stress for everyone. 2.5 is still young. Most kids decide they want to at around 3. We waited and he decided at 3. He had 1 accident on day 1 and never had another.

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

I think this is normal. DS was very clear and specific "I do not WANT to wee in the potty. I WANT to see in my nappy." He still picked it up in a couple of days and extensive bribery. He just objects to all new ideas on principle.

Also I have doubts about waiting for a child to announce that they are ready - I think many of them are perfectly ready, but not enthusiastic. I'd say give it a good try, and if she's just not getting it then shelve it for a few months. But don't be too worried about trying.

[TittyGolightly]

Also I have doubts about waiting for a child to announce that they are ready

Yeah. Ditto sleeping though, weaning, crawling and walking. You can totally dictate when they do everything.

I’m in the “why make life harder for yourself” camp, OP. We waited until DD showed signs of readiness and interest in doing it. Had 3 bare bottomed days in the garden and she was done. Drove 250 miles 3 days later with not a single accident (although we did have to stop at every motorway services due to the novelty factor - took 6 hours to get there! 😂)

[graysor]

I’m happy to give it a go. Childminder is on board too. We have had a couple of earlier attempts months ago, when dd was definitely showing interest and enthusiasm. But both times we abandon due to her refusing to sit on the potty.

If she is still flat out refusing then I probably won’t push it. But I’m confident she absolutely is capable.

[TittyGolightly]

She might prefer to go straight to the toilet rather than use a potty.

[TittyGolightly]

She might prefer to feel that she’s in control of it. Maybe try explaining what the potty/toilet are for, and that you’re going g to have a few bare bummed days (her, not you ) to see whether she would like to use them. Then take the pressure off. Praise if she sits on the potty/does a wee but don’t reward it.

Do you take her to the loo when you go?

[BirthdayKake]

My DD was 2 in march and started training about a month ago. She is a total potty snob though and will only use the toilet apart from the time there was a fly in the bathroom and she used the potty

[bellinisurge]

You might be confident but if she's not up for it, she's not up for it.

[graysor]

Titty - we have a trainer seat for the toilet, so that’s an option too. Although when I showed it to her and asked if she wanted to try sitting on it she said: No, where’s the seatbelt?

She comes to the loo with me all the time. Knows what it’s for, asks me if I’m doing a poo or a wee. We flush poos from her nappy down the loo. She likes to look, press the flusher and wash her hands after.
She knows the older children at the childminder use the toilet for wees and poos, and they don’t wear nappies anymore.

All this surely suggests she gets it?

[EyeDrops]

I know what you mean - my dd showed none of the classic 'signs of readiness' by almost 3yo. I figured that she probably did know when she'd pooed, but didn't want to stop playing while we changed if she admitted it!

I decided to just go for it anyway, and obviously would have stopped if it was clear she wasn't ready. But she was, and cracked it in a couple of weeks.

[TittyGolightly]

It shows that she gets it, but not that she wants to do it herself.

[skankingpiglet]

If she won't sit on the potty and you think she might be persuaded with chocolate then how about 1/2 a button for sitting with the other 1/2 paid upon 'completion'? So no more chocolate than you would have given for a success any way. We've had no issues cutting back the buttons once everything was working with either child. We cut it back to only for poos, then a half button for poos, then just stopped.
My DC2 was also (still is!) very unwilling to comply with requests to sit but I've found telling rather than asking helps, followed by something she wants to do (It's time to sit on the potty now, then we can go to the park). Although in the very early days I found getting her to sit wasn't an issue using the Oh Crap method as you are often running them to the potty as they start weeing. At that point they are very compliant from the shock of being scooped up and shot across the room plus all the strange liquid coming out of them IME!