Toilet training 3yr old who's terrified of the toilet/potty

[Wobblebeans]

Just as the title suggests really

DD3 is 3 (4 in November). She started nursery in January, and they have no problems with her still being in pull ups, but I'm planning on trying to toilet train her over the summer.

I've tried everything to try and encourage her to use the toilet, over the half term she was in pants, but would just hold her wee until the last minute, then have an accident and be very upset about it.

She cries every time I put her on the toilet.

This is the thing though. She's also had a problem with constipation for the past 6 months or so. I've been to the doctor with her, who prescribed laxatives. Cleared her out several times. Encouraged poos in her pull up when she's cleared, but she won't do it and we're back to square one again.

I'm at a loss. If she won't poo in a pull up, how do I get her to do it on the toilet when she won't even entertain it for a wee?

I know she's probably ready, she tells me when a wee is happening, and when she needs one. Over the half term she would go to the bathroom and then get herself worked up about actually doing it and refuse.

[Wobblebeans]

Bump. Anyone?

[Wobblebeans]

Bump?

[SomebodysNotInBedYet]

What kind of laxative is it and how long has it been prescribed? It sounds like she needs a month or probably 2 month course of a softener like laxido or movicol to break the withholding cycle. If she's still constipated it will be a lot harder to encourage poos on the toilet/potty.

[Wobblebeans]

Thank you

She was prescribed the laxido sachets, but because she's not backed up too much he said to put her up to 2 a day for a couple of weeks, then down to 1 a day and keep encouraging her to 'go'.

We've done this several times, we're at the point now where she'll try but just end up doing several biggish 'smears' each day iyswim, but won't fully empty.

Would you suggest keeping her on them until she gets into the habit of completely emptying?
I don't think we should introduce the toilet again until we've got that bit sorted.

[SomebodysNotInBedYet]

I would, even if it's half a sachet a day to keep everything soft. Obviously you're not aiming for incontinent but it needs to be loose enough that she can't hold it in indefinitely. It's the habit that needs to be broken assuming medical reasons for constipation have been ruled out. The 'smears' are likely to be overflow, looser poo getting past the hard bit so although it looks like she's going, she's probably still trying to hold it in. My niece was doing this, confused her parents because it looked like she had diarrhoea. Maybe go back to the doctor? I don't see how 'encouraging' her will help at this point. You can't talk a toddler into pooing in my experience just praise them when they do. Only then can you move on to helping them control where they do it!

[Wobblebeans]

I think you're right, she's gotten into the habit of holding it all in, which just makes everything worse

I might see if I can get her an appointment on Monday, she's at school the rest of this week, and hopefully come up with a long term plan to tackle this.

Thanks again for your help, fingers crossed she might be in pants by Easter before she starts reception next year!!