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4 year old boy won't poo in toilet or potty.

(18 Posts)
KM99 Thu 14-Jun-18 17:05:02

Keeping as brief as I can. 4 year old DS, been doing wees in the toilet for months now but will only poo in a pull up. And only hiding in a bedroom not in the bathroom.

We've tried all kinds of methods and had a little breakthrough a few weeks ago where he would sit on the loo in a pull up and go. I then cut a hole in the pull up the next night and he was fine when it dropped straight through. Even went back to do more.

Roll on 2 weeks later and he will sit on the loo to try and poo, but then gets hysterical when he needs it and ends up back in a pull up and hiding in a bedroom again. He is withholding too so I don't want to push him too hard.

Any advice? We've tried fun songs, books, rewards etc.

My instinct is let him keep sitting on the loo as at least he's trying and maybe one day we will get there again.

OP’s posts: |
barleyreed Thu 14-Jun-18 17:16:47

Slightly different for us as it was all aspects of potty training, so not sure if this helps at all but what cracked it in the end (after a lot of stress!) was bribery! I printed a photo of a toy DS really, really wanted and made a chart and said if he did all wees and poos in the potty/toilet for 7 days he could have it. Ticked the chart each day for every wee or poo. He was delighted!

WatcherintheRye Thu 14-Jun-18 17:22:17

My instinct is let him keep sitting on the loo as at least he's trying and maybe one day we will get there again.

I think your instinct is right and you sound like you're handling it really well by not putting pressure on him. One of my ds had been completely dry day and night for ages, but was still insisting on doing poos in pull-ups when he went into reception, so you can imagine how on edge I was! He never wore pull-ups to school, and never had any accidents, but the minute he was home, he would have to have them on and go behind the sofa or a chair.

If I recall, I just kept on trying to persuade him, and one day he agreed to sit on the loo, and we actually had a result! Maybe it was other children at school going to the loo, or talking about it, that got him there in the end, who knows! Something will suddenly click and you won't look back, op.

CaptainKirkssparetupee Thu 14-Jun-18 18:36:13

This is really really common right into school age so don't panic.

You did the right thing but maybe took it too fast, go back a few steps for a few months and let him have the pullup to poo in while sitting on the toilet. Totally relax and let him do it at his own pace again.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Sun 24-Jun-18 07:39:35

DS is 4 in two weeks and is doing this. I’m at the end of my tether. He has now withheld poo for 3 days - this is something like our fourth attempt at potty training since he was 2.5, and it’s 6 months since our last attempt, which involved poo in pants three times a day for 8 weeks before I gave up because it was Christmas and we were moving house. So he’s 6 months older and absolutely nothing has changed and I just want to scream.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Sun 24-Jun-18 07:43:20

The ERIC website is not helping. It says to just give in and give him a nappy and tells airy stories of kids who didn’t get it until they were 8. I can’t do this for 4 more years!

lornathewizzard Sun 24-Jun-18 07:50:26

Just wanted to say you're not alone and this is pretty common. Dd is 4 in July and has been dry day and night for about a year, still poos in a pull up. I'm currently just biding my time. I talked to her nursery teacher about it who basically just said it was really common and just to wait it out

ShamelesslyPlacemarking Sun 24-Jun-18 07:56:48

Just want to add another voice saying my DD has recently turned four and I’ve been in despair feeling like her refusal to poo anywhere but pull-ups will never end and I’ve failed somehow at potty training.

Am trying to stay calm and wait it out but I’m so so over changing pooey nappies and just want her to have it click. Have tried literally everything including bribery and no luck. God forbid it goes on till 8. sad

Fourmagpies Sun 24-Jun-18 08:13:44

We had the same with DS2. I don't have any real advice other than don't stress about it and it'll happen when he's ready. DS2 suddenly got it right just before starting school, he was 4yrs and 5 mths. As others said it is common, particularly for boys.

attackofthe50footwoman Mon 25-Jun-18 14:54:46

similar issues here too.

ajandjjmum Mon 25-Jun-18 15:01:55

DS was exactly the same - dry at nursery but always pooed at night in a clean nappy, whilst hiding behind the sofa. All forms of persuasion were tried - nothing worked.

Eventually we got him and DD (she's 15 months younger) in the bathroom, and she sat on the loo and pooed. We all clapped and cheered, and DS then decided he wanted to have a go too - and it worked.

He must have been nearly five at that point - he's now in his 20s and it hasn't left him with any longterm scars! grin

Wontpoointheloo Fri 29-Jun-18 11:27:07

Same problem here. Has no problem with wees, even dry at night but will not poo in the toilet. Won’t even go in a pull up. Into his pants every time. I’m at my wits end. I’ve tried everything. He doesn’t even seem uncomfortable or embarrassed when it happens.

Mammabear31 Fri 29-Jun-18 11:36:16

This was me with my 4 year old last year - we thought he would never poo on the toilet! He also his with pull ups and wouldn't even sit on the toilet, let alone try. We had over a year of it including witholding, constipation, laxatives and in the end supposotries. Distressing for all involved!
In the end we got into a routine of making him sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every day at a certain time - usually after dinner - and like you we cut a hole in his pull up. It eventually got bigger and bigger til he just had the waistband and he eventually decided he no longer needed it. It took a long time though, and alot of patience.he started school during this time and he eventually cracked it in the October. Now he takes himself off, poos and cleans himself up with no involvement from us needed.

You're doing the right thing - keep positively reinforcing his good behaviours and it will just click one day. It felt like it never would so I feel for you but I promise it won't last til he's 8! wink

Carolinesw1 Sun 01-Jul-18 20:14:18

Hi. My friend has a book she write herself
Mrs wee and Mr poo. Is really helpful for toilet training. Xx

MayMiracle Sun 01-Jul-18 20:20:42

Have you shown him the video, Poo goes to Pooland (on YouTube)

It helped both of mine with this fear.


Lucked Sun 01-Jul-18 20:26:35

With DS we just made toilet time after bath quite long. We got a comfy toilet seat and read stories and did magazines. We sometimes tried to encourage the poo with pushing making vowel sounds and made a little competition out of who could say eeeee or oooooo the longest. Mostly we tried to have fun.

Only down side is at 6 he still wants me to read to him on the toilet! Thankfully my 4 yo likes her privacy and insists we leave the room.

InNeedOfALieInNow Sun 01-Jul-18 20:48:54

Same for my dd1. Wees were fine but she didn’t want to sit down to poo. We negotiated that she could have a pull up but she had to sit on the potty or loo while it was on. After a few weeks of this the whole issue just went away

bobsleighmagic Sun 01-Jul-18 21:16:24

My DS (now 6) was the same until he was almost 5. Mr Poo goes to Pooland really helped us. That and lots of sitting on the toilet with the iPad (we were getting desperate!) and patience. He was quite constipated from withholding poo and we had to give him laxido. Now he's got no problems going at home. Won't go in a public toilet or at school still, but many adults are the same.

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