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Oh Crap - she's just not getting it. Disaster!

(27 Posts)
Swearwolf Wed 30-May-18 18:07:24

I could cry. We've been doing the Oh Crap method since Friday and she's still not getting it. She knows when she needs to go and she started so enthusiastically, but she'll now only sit on the potty on her own terms, and it's never when she actually needs to. She was back at the childminders today and didn't do a single wee in the toilet, had two big accidents. Came home and said she needed a poo, refused to get on the potty, stripped off then waited until I went to run the bath before pooing on the floor. The childminder wants her in a pull up tomorrow (with pants inside). I'm gutted it's gone so wrong, it started so promisingly. Do I need to stop and start again or do we persevere? I really do think she's ready - she's capable of learning and she understands what's happening. She's 2 and 2 months.

OP’s posts: |
MummaGiles Wed 30-May-18 18:11:16

That’s still quite young. If it’s really not working then maybe go back to I’ll ups for a bit. It might be counter productive if everyone is getting stressed about it. She will have negative connotations to toiletting. Wait a bit.

Soubriquet Wed 30-May-18 18:15:14

She's just turned 2.

Stop with the potty training and wait for later on

BertrandRussell Wed 30-May-18 18:17:56

Potty training should cause absolutely no stress at all for anyone. If she's not getting it she's too young. Back to nappies and try again in a couple of months.

BikeRunSki Wed 30-May-18 18:21:28

Go back to nappies and wait a bit. She’s not ready. She k owe itsca option though - does she have the vocabulary to tell you when she wants to do it?

DD told me “pants today” at 2.4, and that was it. She got it in 48 hours and never had a accident.

Swearwolf Wed 30-May-18 18:27:33

Her vocab is brilliant, she wants to wear pants and has been taking her nappy off for weeks. She knows what to do, and has done several wees on the potty, but only when she feels like it.

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TittyGolightly Wed 30-May-18 18:28:16

She’s not ready. Stop, take the pressure off.

MariaAms Wed 30-May-18 18:42:50

We've just trained our 2 year old with the Oh Crap method, I'd say if she got it in the beginning then she is ready. Maybe just go back to bottomless and make sure she knows where the potty is and try and not remind her or make too much of a fuss, if she has an accident just tell her next time go in the potty. I know it's really stressful, I could have cried after the 2nd day of no progress. If you can convince the Childminder to let her have a couple days bottoms off that might help. If not then it's not the end of the world to try again another time.

WilliamLilliam Fri 01-Jun-18 12:52:55

She's not ready
Try again in a month or two
The more you push her you could make her scared of the potty

BeeMyBaby Fri 01-Jun-18 15:33:42

Does she go to the childminder every weekday? If there are a few days that she is at home in a row then I would go bottomless and start again? If you are going to send her to the childminders when she hasn't understood the difference between a nappy and pants fully then it's not fair on her.

Smellyjo Sun 03-Jun-18 20:58:41

We trained our DD using oh crap method when she was just before 2, has taken a few months to be reliably dry during day but is now at 2 and 4 months. I think your options are to do the reset like she says in the book - and try again later when you have a clear week at least off work with no childcare involved where you can follow the method religiously. I wouldn't send her in pull ups then try to carry on training, too confusing. Or be clear with childminder what you are doing - give her a copy of the book - grit your teeth and keep going! If doing this, read and reread all the sections about over prompting and common issues.

TittyGolightly Sun 03-Jun-18 22:43:39

has taken a few months to be reliably dry during day

It shouldn’t take a few months if they are completely ready. A week or so, if that.

Scrumptiousbears Sun 03-Jun-18 22:55:32

I tried a few times with my two year old and she didn't get it. At 3 years and 3 weeks I tried again and it took 2 days max. Just keep trying and it will all come together. I found the longer I waited the less painful was with very few accidents.

NorthernLurker Sun 03-Jun-18 23:03:53

Too young. Back off. I'm with the childminder.

MondayTuesdayWednesday Sun 03-Jun-18 23:07:34

If it takes any more than a few days then she is not ready. Stop and try again in two months.

For the poster who said it took over 4 months to be dry during the day - that’s way too long and your child really wasn’t ready. If she was it wouldn’t have taken so long.

Smellyjo Mon 04-Jun-18 11:52:09

Each to their own, I realise what you are all recommending is the current received wisdom, however the OP is trying the Oh Crap method. This advocates training between 20 and 30 months and that readiness is about the child's capacity to learn a new skill and not waiting for them to want to use the potty, which many don't naturally. In our parents generation training was typically done closer to 2 and now the fashion is 3. When I say it took 4 months, that'd be 4 or 5 dry days, then an accident, etc, before she gradually learned the sensations. I'm more than happy with that and delighted not to have to wrestle a toddler changing nappies any more!

Smellyjo Mon 04-Jun-18 11:52:59

Ps how are you getting on OP, did you decide to give it a rest?

TittyGolightly Mon 04-Jun-18 18:10:49

This advocates training between 20 and 30 months and that readiness is about the child's capacity to learn a new skill and not waiting for them to want to use the potty, which many don't naturally.

Would you try to train a 6 month old to walk?

MumUndone Mon 04-Jun-18 18:29:06

Tity that's not the same at all. A 2 year old may well be physically capable of potty training but take longer than a few days to get the hang of it and be reliably dry. My 4 year old still has occasional accidents when he's busy and doesn't want to stop what he's doing to use the loo - is he not ready?

OP, I would suggest you persevere, but your childminder will need to be on board.

MumUndone Mon 04-Jun-18 18:29:46

Titty

teaandbiscuitsforme Tue 05-Jun-18 17:46:12

The Oh Crap book isn't about forcing it on children who aren't ready at all. It's a different way of looking at what is currently considered 'ready' (ie. in most cases, the child initiating and virtually training themselves).

I would have been the biggest sceptic of the book if I hadn't read it (early years teacher) but it's not like that at all.

Swearwolf Tue 05-Jun-18 20:35:53

Thank you for asking smellyjo. I completely agree with you that it's about capability, and she is absolutely capable. I've been watching her carefully and if I thought she had no idea and wasn't understanding or feeling it, then yes I'd have given up. I didn't!

She clearly knew what to do - she would stand there, say "I sit on potty" and wee, almost simultaneously. Then she moved to only wanting to sit on her own terms, even when I knew she needed to sit (having figured out her body language). It's been ten days and we have come on, she did pull ups at the childminders then nude bum most of the weekend, she is making progress. On Sunday morning she had two wees and a poo on the potty all of her own accord, and no accidents. She is better naked but getting the hang of going to the potty even when wearing bottoms. Tonight she weed on the potty before going up to bed, into pull-up for bed, then mid-story she sat up and said "I wee on toilet" - off we traipsed to the bathroom, seat onto loo, pants down, and she had a wee. This is huge progress, I'm happy and encouraged and will keep going at her pace. Thank you all for your support!

OP’s posts: |
Smellyjo Tue 05-Jun-18 21:57:21

Oh that's great news *@Swearwolf*! Well done to her and to you. It's such an emotional rollercoaster tho at times isn't it. Especially taking a route that many people won't agree with and trying to trust your instinct that it'll work out when it's been a shitty (literally) day. It is quite fascinating watching them learn something in this way too isn't it and glad to hear you sounding relaxed and happy with it.

*@teaandbiscuitsforme*, I remember you giving me a bit of support and encouragement when I was despairing a bit a few months ago, we made it so thank you for your help! Haven't tackled night dryness yet but I think you were someone who said that happened spontaneously some months after day dryness so I'm hoping for that...

MissMarplesKnitting Tue 05-Jun-18 21:59:50

She's only tiny. My DD had a couple of false starts
Go back to nappies if you think she's not ready and try again instead few months.

Stress isn't worth it. When they're ready, they get it really fast. Save your floors and blood pressure!

Swearwolf Tue 05-Jun-18 22:01:57

It is hard, because so many people are saying she's too young! My ds, who is 5, was younger than this when I trained him. But they are very different children, and she has responded completely differently - I was sort of prepared for that but still surprised by it, if that makes sense. It's also a lot harder having to work it around school runs!

I think we've made good progress but still have work to do, she's so proud of herself when she gets it right though. I'm sure she'll get there soon.

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