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4 Year Old Still Pooing in Nappies!! HELP!!

(24 Posts)
quaium Sat 28-Apr-18 22:28:47

So my almost 4 year old (this week) daughter refuses to use the toilet to do a poo. She has been super with her wee, and has been using the toilet to wee for about a year now. She has also stayed dry during the night and does not wear nappies to bed.

However, when she needs to poo she asks for a nappy. At first we allowed this to happen but now she's almost 4 and starting Reception soon (September) and we need to get her fully toilet trained. For the past couple of weeks we have refused to give her a nappy. When we do this she cries and refuses to sit on the toilet. After some persuasion she eventually sits on the toilet but refuses to do a poo.

This continued for 9 days and today we were so worried about her becoming constipated we gave in and let her have a nappy. She did the business and she was not constipated and managed to go without any issues. As soon as we put her back on the toilet she stopped pooing.

We have tried everything, rewards, buying gifts, punishments, naughty steps, positive/negative approach, removing toys, brown sugar and water, luctolose, prunes, increasing water intake, throwing away nappies... everything. We've read though pages and pages of suggestions on here and various other forums and have tried everything suggested. We've even given her the option to wear a nappy but while sitting on the toilet and she still refuses or doesn't go.

What can we do? Do we just let her continue using nappies and hope that one day she'll want to start using the toilet? Do we continue refusing to give her a nappy? How long can she go without going to the toilet that's considered safe? Has any one else experienced this?

This is really stressing us all out... thanks in advance.

OP’s posts: |
PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Sat 28-Apr-18 22:32:21

DS 6 says he can't poo in our loo, he always waits until he puts his Dry Nites on for bed. He does have constipation issues though.

Scrumptiousbears Sat 28-Apr-18 22:41:59

My daughter is very similar. She is near 4 and is toilet trained during the day but only ever pops at night in her pull up. I'm at a loss so interested to hear any replies.

weasledee Sat 28-Apr-18 22:45:24

Hi op, i could have written this post!
I haven't got a miracle cure but my little boy refused point blank to do a poo on the toilet. Just the same, he'd have a wee but hold poos all day and wait for his nappy. We promised him the world just like you have and it was pointless.
There's videos on you tube called "tom and Emily" and we watched them over and over....
we stopped forcing the issue and just praised him loads when he sat and did a wee.... lo and behold one day out the blue he just asked to do a poo on the toilet! I never thought this day would come but just hang in there! It will happen. We even ended up being referred to a health team dedicated to this problem, but they couldn't really
Do anything, he just did it when he felt ready. I kept telling myself he won't be doing it when he's 18!!
Best of luck....

DairyisClosed Sat 28-Apr-18 22:45:45

Have you spoken to a doctor /HV about it?

Nicketynac Sat 28-Apr-18 22:52:39

I bought a book from Amazon called "it hurts when I poop" and it made a big difference within days. We also promised him a Kinder Egg and even though he used to poo at bedtime he got one every time for about two weeks then we decided he had got the hang of it. I should point out that bribery alone did not work, we had been offering various incentives for months.

captainbizz Sat 28-Apr-18 22:54:18

This might be a crazy idea but could you somehow attach a nappy underneath the loo seat so it's as though she's doing a poo in her nappy BUT she's sitting on the loo??

Might help with the transition....
Sorry I don't have a better idea

quaium Sat 28-Apr-18 22:57:52

No, we haven't spoken to doc/HV about it. Doctors are useless to be honest and just suggest luxatives.

This waiting it out thing and it happening on its own one day is a scary thought... All I can imagine is her in nappies at the age of 18!!

Thanks for all the replies so far, it's nice to hear others have gone through similar.

OP’s posts: |
quaium Sat 28-Apr-18 22:59:24

She won't sit on the toilet with a nappy on... She won't even stand in the bathroom with a nappy on.

OP’s posts: |
gnarlington Sat 28-Apr-18 23:01:08

Same here with our 4, nearly 5 year old. He hasn't poo'd at school yet, just saves them up for the evening/bedtime.
However this last week he has been more constipated than usual and finally did one on the loo as he couldn't get it out standing up. Still prefers the nappy though!

hotstepper4 Sat 28-Apr-18 23:01:11

Ds was a bit like this.

Someone suggested giving him a bottle of bubbles to blow while sitting on the toilet. The action of blowing them causes the child to bear down and if they need a poo it should happen automatically.

sarahja99 Sat 28-Apr-18 23:05:44

Have you tried the book Poo goes to Pooland?

helpmum2003 Sat 28-Apr-18 23:05:53

I would try and chill a bit and not discuss it directly. Maybe have discussions about starting school, being a big girl etc? One thing guaranteed to get them to continue is knowing you don't want them to!!

Littlefish Sat 28-Apr-18 23:11:31

Have a look at the "Eric" website. It's got an excellent section about how to move a child on from pooing in a nappy, to pooing in the toilet. There are about 15 stages to go though!

quaium Sat 28-Apr-18 23:15:23

Tried the blowing bubbles. No luck.

Poo goes to Pooland... Love it. Will try that tomorrow.

Yes, helpmum2003, I think that's the next step. We have been on her for too long about his now. Maybe just chill for a bit and let her do it her way and see what happens.

OP’s posts: |
CaptainKirkssparetupee Sun 29-Apr-18 08:32:49

It's very common, right into school age, there's loads of threads about it.

Just let him have a nappy, but get him to use it in the bathroom only, get him to wipe once he's finished (over the nappy), flush the paper and wash his hands, then change him. Bacically take a few months to build up this routine.

Then, once you have that in place, get him sitting on the toilet in the nappy while he poos, followed by wiping over the nappy and so on.

Then after a while, once he has the hang of that, cut a hole in the nappy, so he's pooing in the toilet and wiping himself....

Then cut most of the nappy away, so it's just the waistband....

Then no nappy.

Take it very slowly, remember it's very very common and not unusual in the slightest.

CaptainKirkssparetupee Sun 29-Apr-18 08:34:14

Apologise for he / she mix up, I copied and pasted from the last time I posted that advice.

Thishatisnotmine Sun 29-Apr-18 16:12:43

Dd is three and with held wees when we started potty training her but that was resolved quickly. She would not poo on the toilet - fine but also started to refuse to go in nappies as one was quite big and hard and it frightened her so obviously made things worse. We had lactulose on top of an already fruit and veg heavy diet and were just happy when she went in her nappy. This started back in October and she has only just began to go regularly again.

When we were at the GP for her refusal to poo we were told to praise trying to poo as much as she would if she had actually gone. I had to get a bit stern with her when I realised that her poos were too big for her nappy so she was not able to empty her bowel fully (awful!blush). I have been telling her that nappies don't go to ger size as her poos and bum are too big. Pointing out how long it takes to wipe all the squashed poo off her bum and that her room smells of poo and how its so much quicker in the loo. I haven't shouted but have tried to sound serious. We have had poos in the loo! I go on about how quick it is to wipe, how fun to flush, theres no stinky smell left.

I will be so glad when dh and I don't have to talk about poos anymore! But remember op, she will get there at some point.

quaium Sun 29-Apr-18 21:05:12

Well... Just a quick update... SHE DID IT!! WHOOP WHOOP!

Before bed every night we usually put her on the toilet to do a wee, usually leave her on the toilet while we do the curtains in all the rooms hoping to give her enough time to do anything else.

Today... it finally happened. Couldn't be happier. I think it must be all the prunes and help we've given with her diet and this must've softened the poo as it slipped out (sorry TMI).

Anyway, just hoping she can keep it up now. Ooh the relief. Thank you for everyone's advice and the best of luck to everyone else struggling with this.

OP’s posts: |
weasledee Sun 29-Apr-18 22:27:58

Brilliant! Thrilled to read this, I know what a relief it is when this happens! smile

helpmum2003 Mon 30-Apr-18 21:23:57


Handsoffmysweets Mon 30-Apr-18 21:32:01

I’m so pleased things are sorted OP. We’ve been where you are and it is a worry. Just as an aside for anyone else having issues, please please do not continue to refuse your child a nappy for days on end in the hope they’ll use the toilet. It can be a psychological issue and holding waste in your bowels can cause E. coli, not to mention severe constipation (that’s not aimed at you OP, just for anyone else desperate to move on from nappies).

quaium Wed 02-May-18 20:34:58

OK... Thought I'd add another update to this. Have to say I'm so pleased. My daughter has become a complete pro at doing a poo now. She's doing it at home and at nursery without even having to ask anymore.

One thing... I think it was the Poo goes to Pooland story (thank you sarahja99) that did it. For the past two days she's been taking about Pooland and how she's helped so many poos go to Pooland. I read the story to her and laughed it off but I'm guessing it must've triggered something in her. I'd recommend anyone else struggling to give it a try.

OP’s posts: |
sarahja99 Wed 02-May-18 23:53:54

Yay so pleased that it helped you. My dd still talks about poos telling poo jokes more than a year after potty training! grin

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