Potty trained 3.5 year old being stubborn about going to toilet

[wapphighwood]

DD is 3.5, potty trained (day) for nearly a year. Since before Christmas she will refuse to go for a wee, even if obviously she needs to go and ends up wetting her pants but only a bit, not a puddle on the floor. We've tried telling/asking her to go, taking her to the bathroom, rewards and now moving onto punishments ( taking away reward chart points earned elsewhere), but nothing is working. DH is starting to get very tired of it, sure it is her being stubborn rather than not knowing when to go. She goes to pre school 4 full days and rarely does it there. We do have a new baby, but this started before their arrival, although I think this is what is causing it. She is very 'head strong' about other things too. I'm going to start making her sort herself out when she wets her pants, she must go and get a clean pair and put the wet in the wash etc and try and stay in judgemental, but any other tips? DH is insistent he is going to keep telling her off and that I'm being too soft.
We have been trying to pander to her less in general so could be that she is using this to dig her heals in so to speak

[negomi90]

Don't engage with it. Clean her up with no emotion either way and minimum attention.
Then positive attention. A new baby and a decision not to pander to her, means it sounds it like she's getting far less positive attention than she's used to.
You need to change the balance. Catch her being good and for every time you tell her off make sure you've said at least 3 nice things to her.
If she wants attention and knows that wetting herself will get the attention on her (even in a negative way) she will keep doing it.

Also - she's 4. She will have accidents. Even if she's doing it on purpose most of the time, there may well be the odd time when its a genuine accident. You'll have no way of knowing for sure which is which. And punishing for accidents, making her nervous about them risks making the whole thing worse.