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Daughter will only go to toilet at home

(5 Posts)
Lisapops Tue 03-Apr-18 23:28:03

My daughter is 3 and a half and will only go to the toilet at home, she has only ever had one wee at nursery, she will sit on th toilet at nursery but just says that it won’t come out, even though she is bursting to go and then consequently has an accident. I have had to cut her nursery hours back as she is getting so upset. I have tried asking her if there is anything wrong or if there is something that she doesn’t like. This is the same for all toilets (nanny’s, Aunty, public) she will sit there for ages and ages, do nothing and then get upset by how much she needs to go. I do not drive and am a single parent, I am getting so upset by this as I can’t take her anywhere far as we have to factor in how long it will take to get home again for the toilet. She can just about last the 4/5 hours when she is at nursery as long as she goes just before we leave and as soon as she gets back in. I have tried everything, ignoring it, reward charts, talking about it, asking other people to encourage but nothing is changing and as she is getting older she is getting more embarrassed. I don’t want this to become a bigger issue. Also as a single parent I am wondering if this could be why she is this way. Could it be that because I am the only one who has ever wiped her bottom (no one else ever has) that she is worried about that? She will sit on the toilet in the company of nursery staff/family but will not go, I have tried taking her to go at nursery and other places but she has never managed to go. Please has anyone any ideas on what I can do? It’s really getting me down now as I feel it’s getting worse if anything.

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Adgirl2018 Tue 10-Apr-18 09:32:16

I haven’t got any advice really as I’m having issues with my son. Just wanted to send good vibes and to let you know I understand how hard it is. I hope someone will come along with some practical advice for you. My only idea was whether you could take her own potty out and about so it’s familiar? No idea if it would help as I guess it’s hard to know exactly what’s troubling her. Sending you lots of luck.

BrutusMcDogface Tue 10-Apr-18 09:36:19

You might need to see someone and get some professional help before this turns into an even bigger issue. Poor thing!

I would suggest maybe sitting in the bathroom with her at Nanny's house first if all. Read her a story, blow bubbles, try and take her mind right off what she's meant to be doing. Hopefully if she manages to go once, she'll break down her inhibitions. Good luck!

stuckinarutt Tue 10-Apr-18 09:42:24

As a child, up until the age of 6 I refused to go to the toilet anywhere outside of my house.

I went on a school day trip and came home physically ill because I just could not use the toilet anywhere else outside of my home.

I don't think my parents DID anything as such, I think I just grew out of it and now I am fine! Never had any issues after the age of 6ish!

Lisapops Tue 10-Apr-18 11:07:22

Thank you for all the advice, I think I will have to speak to someone to try and get to the bottom of this, we are past the point of taking a potty with us as she hasn’t used a potty in about 6 months and wouldn’t be happy about going back to it. Have tried a variety of different things to distract when at nanny’s/Auntys house including books etc. I am hoping that one day she will just accept that she has to go elsewhere when she needs to but I don’t want this to become a bigger issue or cause her any further distress, thank you all again x

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