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Doesnt want to poo..... anywhere!(28 Posts)
Started Potty training my DS last week. We are on day 5.
DS is 2 years and 8 months and was showing signs of being ready (pooing in certain places, telling me when he needed/done a wee)
With Wees, he has done so well, its surprised me on how well he has done. We done the naked approach and are now slowly introducing joggers.
The problem is poo! He is VERY reluctant to have a poo, on a potty, on the toilet, in a nappy, in pants... anywhere.
I know when he needs one as he paces up and down, moaning, but its very challenging to get him to do a poo anywhere.
It might be constipation or pain rather than refusing to have one? Might be worth seeing a doctor.
Thank you for replying
Im pretty convinced its purely down to potty training and the fact he just doesnt feel right doing it on the potty (or anywhere)
If today goes well, we have had our 1st day with no accidents... but no poo either.
A week in, and he is still crying and pacing :-(
My top tip is to ignore/be unemotional about poos. We were getting dd1 way too stressed with lots of praise/discussion about poos. Treat as you would a sneeze, totally normal, sometimes you have to clean up bogeys but you don't make a big deal out of it.
Peppa or or similar on phone at signs they need to go, sit them on loo, then go away for 5-10mins
and pretend not to be listening. If no joy then no discussion etc.
If really withholding then blowing bubbles is good. But totally normal for poo training to be a bit trickier than wee training (they only get to practice once a day!)
Thanks for the advice.
I am deffo going to try blowing bubbles if things dont improve. Currently, when he is showing signs of wanting to go, i offer the potty or the toilet, to which he refuses, and i let it go, until he moans again... i offer again, and so on. I dont want to encourage him to poo himself but i need to get him to relax and poo somewhere.
Hard stuff this potty training!!!
We had this too, DS nailed the wees but really didn't want to poo. Eventually he would go but would ask for a nappy back on to do it. I didn't want to go down that route but gave in as didn't want him holding it in. I found as soon as we stopped making a fuss of where he pooed he seemed to relax about it and started using his potty. It didn't take long and now he happily goes on the loo. It'll happen in his own time, I'm sure.
Maybe offering is an approach you might change a little. Eg if you are asking 'do you want to sit on the potty' the little
buggers darlings can say no! Just say potty time, in a not optional tone
Might sound minor but you know how toddlers can be. Or give more limited 'choice' like do you want to use the potty or the toilet now.
Also useful to have this do it now approach for wees as they get older - we tell our girls to 'empty their tanks' before long car journey for example.
Oh and another thing that dd2 loved was a bit of a game of me saying dramatically how I was desparate for the loo and hoped no one got there before me...
Thank you :-)
My DS is a stubborn little git and doesnt budge for nothing.
Currently, he is pacing up and down the living room, obviously needing a poo.
Ive offered him a potty and toilet and he wont have any of it. I really dont know what to do than just sit back and let him crack on with it
You're just going to have to let him poo himself for a while, sorry! It won't upset anything. Poos do tend to take a while for them to work out (not with my DS1 but definitely with DS2). Stop offering the potty/toilet and let him go wherever for poos and keep offering the potty for wees. He'll get there in the end. You do not want him getting constipated - that will just make things ten times worse.
I think part of it is that they're used to pooing standing up at this stage. Sitting to poo is a completely new concept that takes a while to stick. I'd gently offer chocolate buttons every now and again when I saw the poo face start. Or I'd let him start the poo however he liked, then plonk him on the toilet/potty for it to basically drop out. We eventually got to a stage where he'd consider pushing on the toilet so I'd pull a devious face and get crude: 'Can you make a MASSIVE ploppy splash in the toilet?' That got him
My DS took a long time to get to the stage of pooing on the toilet. He would only do it in a nappy for ages. So he’d spend all day dry and in pants and then we’d have to put a nappy on just for a poo. He was 3 I think and very stubborn too! We just had to go with and give him time. Yes it was a nuisance but trying to push him didn’t work and we had to let him be ready in his own time.
Im at my wits end and struggling to hold back the tears. Currently, ive had 90 mins of pacing and crying... he wont even poo himself.
He is now saying it is hurting him so he is now making himself constipated!!!!
Just show sympathy but not anxiety. Say: Ah, sorry your tummy is hurting. It will feel better when you have a nice poo. And then there will be more room in your tummy for (whatever his favourite food is.)
I'd ask the GP or chemist abotu some gentle medication to help the constipation. And try to make sure he drinks plenty of water or diluted juice.
Its hard as im quite tearful, im finding it upsetting (as anyone would) seeing him like this. Nothing seems to be working. He wont be won with even his fav foods. In fact, he wont eat because he needs a poo.
Ive called the doctor for some meds, waiting on a call back and ive called the HV for some advice also.
I cant even abandon potty training as he is pretty much trained with weeing
It’s ok to abandon potty training until he’s more ready to do poos, he’ll get there in the end. Before you start with meds have you tried with fruit and veg and high fibre foods? My daughter gets constipated sometimes and baked beans does the trick for her, and a bath. The Ella’s kitchen prunes pouch is a good one too.
If it’s causing you so much stress you’re in tears I’d stop for now as he’ll pick up on it and associate pooing with stress.
Ds potty trained at 2.5 very quickly. Except for poos, which took another 8-9 months. We went very softly with it because wanted to avoid constipation at all costs.
Has your ds not had a poo for a week? If so, the absolute priority today is to try to get him to get that poo out! I'd give him fruit like plums/oranges/kiwi. Plus syrup of figs, you can mix it into porridge/rice pudding if you think he won't take it otherwise. If ds is ever constipated this usually works.
Perhaps let him wear a nappy all day to help with relaxing for the poo, but he still needs to do wees in the toilet?
Once the poo is out, here are some of the things we did..
- let ds wear a nappy for poos. He pooed every morning after breakfast so it was easy to monitor. Didn't affect pants + wees at all.
- we did this for I'd say a good 6 months. Totally backed off, no pressure
- then gently started suggesting he did his morning poo on the potty. I let him stay in the living room alone while he did this, which is what he would do when wearing a nappy.
- consider letting him go on the iPad as a treat while he's on the potty. It's more fun, and also keeps him relaxed while waiting to poo
- then graduate to the toilet if the potty stuff is going well. Still allow the iPad as first, if that helps.
If the poo is still not here by the afternoon, you could try a bath? That quite often triggered one in ds. Have a nappy/potty close to hand in case he needs to go.
This could have been me 6 years ago. Dd didn't really crack it until she was 4 ish. All I can say is, when they are ready they are ready and when they are not, they are not. It was a flipping nightmare and I did all I could to hide my anxiety from my dd who was soo bloody stubborn.
In order of what we tried from about 2.5 to 4.
Dilute prune juice helped. Fresh air helped. Pooing in an open nappy on the potty helped.
In desperation, we had a poo party in the bathroom to make going to the loo fun and a great laugh [which is where you need to also plan recovery glasses of wine or whatever for yourself ].
Sitting on the loo with your feet raised up a bit on a step (not you, obv, although...) and blowing real or imaginary bubbles really helps make the right muscles work. Dd would blow enormous imaginary bubbles which would pop over to engulf me and I would mime singing and shouting to get out. And then they would pop and I could escape my bubble prison. Oh what fun.
. Good luck and have faith that you will get to the other side of this.
Oh yeah, ignore everyone who has no problem at all with this. Your soul doesn't need any more bashing than it is already experiencing.
Ds did this-we had exactly this scenario. Get him on movicol ASAP and let him use a pull up for poos. Get him pooing every day doesn’t matter where and then tackle the ‘getting them in the right place’. Ds trained for wees in 2 days and has never had a wee accident since, but he started to withhold from then and it did take a little bit of time of fix. Good luck, I remember the stress all to well!
Thanks for the tips
Ive just been given some lactalose from the doc to avoid constipation.
Im really cant abandon this and go back to nappies full time as he is practically dry now. We are on day 2 of no accidents so id say with wee's, he is pretty much nailed it.
To be honest, its not even an option as he is refusing a nappy on anyway (except nap time)
He is having a nap at the mo (well, currently rolling in bed, needing a poo) with a nappy on so hopefully he will have a poo x
Nappies just for poo. My dd would go to nursery in knicks and then put a nappy on to poo in the afternoon. I was at work all day and this was the compromise with my mil who looked after her in the afternoon. She gave in to my dd's demands all the time do I didn't want to put them both through it. Another layer of difficulty to the mix. And then we got to the bubble blowing fun that I described below.
Hi, went through something similar with my eldest. What worked for us was building him a little den. Just used two chairs and a sheet over them, potty in the middle. He seemed to like the privacy. Wasn't long before he would use the potty in the bathroom with door closed and me instructed to wait outside, he then progressed to the toilet. Is now 7 and will quite happily have a poo while I'm in the bath! 😝
We are just starting to get over this with dd. She is excellent with wees and we never pushed her to poo on the toilet. We don't know why it happened but it was definitely linked with potty training which took about three weeks at the end of September. Since then she has been witholding poo. She started taking lactulose, we really upped the amount of fruit, veg, prunes and juice in her diet. Like your ds we kow when she needs to but she simply refuses to poo. Then when she finally decides to the poos are huge, more than uncomfortable, distressing for her and us. We are hoping for our third poo in as many says today which will be the first time that has happened in months!
It has just taken perserverance. We explained that she absolutley could use a nappy, why pooing is important, we can't make her poo. We did try ignoring it completly and asking "do you need a poo? No? Ok" and leaving it at that but then she went over a week without going.
We make a big effort to ask how nice her tummy feels after a poo. I think getting them to blow does help (try it yourself!). If his poos are becoming hard, take him to tge doctor tp ask for advice. I wish I had done that with dd sooner as the lactulose helps keep everything soft.
Oh and we have a stash of nappies for dd. She is dry day and night, loves hee pants but pops a nappy on to poo. We are just happy when she does!
DD still isn't properly trained for poos (and is going to school in September, aargh) but she is much better in the evenings after we've put her in bed. I think it's because she's relaxed/tired rather than because she's wearing a nappy.
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